So I don't know if every girl goes through this, but since I'm dealing with IF (which is a defined life crisis), I'm gonna blame that. I catch myself now second guessing every major decision I've ever made, and I'm not one to live my life with a lot of regrets. One of my first thoughts when I found out that our IF was not caused by S was maybe we should get a divorce. And this is coming from someone whose childhood was ruined by divorce. But I thought God help me if I'm the reason why my beloved doesn't get to have biological children. He could find some sweet, young, fertile girl and I could find someone who already has kids and everyone would be happy. In theory.
So in thinking about the perfect girl for my DH, I end up thinking about my exes. Forgive me if this sounds completely insane. There aren't that many (I'm a serial monogomist), but they were an interesting bunch. That was one of my main criteria, you need to be interesting. My U.N. of men, my family used to joke.
Last night I got the new Town & Country and who has his wedding announcement there, but SJ. We dated for a few months when I first moved to Chicago 10 years ago. We broke up over the phone. Then we had dinner a few months later, after I met DR, to smooth things over. He is nine years older than me. He married a girl three years younger than me. She looks perfect for him.
When I went to the Cape last summer, I saw JB briefly, as he summers there. We are still "friends", though S doesn't know he exists (we have a strict no talking about exes policy that S enacted early on). He is 17 years older than me and "dating" someone several years younger than me. I doubt he will ever get married, though we almost did. We thought we were "soulmates" but life got in the way. On the surface, he liked the idea of me and I didn't mind that he enjoyed spending his Bacardi inheritance on me.
Then there's the mafia in training college guy, the undocumented soccer player, the kinky Dartmouth footballer, the Kellogg wanderlust, the actor/bartender, the Fulbright scholar... Who knows, someday maybe I'll write a tell-all memoir... ;)
You know, I swear IF brings out the crazy in all of us. I think about all my exes as well and wonder if K would have been better off with someone else with less baggage. His parents have been married 30 yrs, I dont even remember my parents even being married, let alone civil to each other in the years since.
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