These kids

are the light in our lives right now. And we get to see them all again this weekend! And my mom and three sisters as they come through to take my grandma K to visit home in Ohio for the last time.

Some pics from our Labor Day trip home...

Ben rides the mini-train at Carson Park with aunt Katie


Nat and her ice cream


Baby ice (that's what Ben calls him) Isaiah thinks he's supposed to be walking at 7 mos. (he's just trying to keep up with his big bro and sis)

And the hits keep coming...

I've been thinking about putting together a post on India, which I may still do. But I've little time to look backwards given the rate at which things are happening to us right now. S returned home tonight from 20 hours on a plane while I was at class and he's already at urgent care. In addition to his traveler's diarrhea (which thankfully I got antibiotics for, which I used to kick mine), he also has some viral/flu infection (though we've already had our flu shots) and pink eye. The poor guy. And he has to drive 3 1/2 hours each way to and from Iowa tomorrow for work.

I talked to my mom tonight before class, and she let me know that my eldest sister Sara, who is cognitively disabled and lives with her, was found to have fallopian tube cancer (which is extremely rare) when they did her recent hysterectomy. She is only 40, but as she won't be having children and was having lots of pain, the Dr. thought it was time. She will have to have many more tests, and another (this time open rather than lap) surgery. But we are all just hoping that she doesn't need chemo. I can't imagine. My mom waited to tell me because of FIL's sudden death and our trip.

So if I'm supposed to not focus on not being able to have a child, having a sibling diagnosed with a serious disease, losing a parent, and having two terminal grandparents is certainly one way to put things in perspective and at the same time make you question how so many bad things could all happen at once.

Catching up

Well, it's my 200th post, but I'm just not as psyched about this as I would have been a few weeks ago. It's been a rough spell for us. I'm running around to try to get all the aspects of my life back on track after being out of the country for almost two weeks. And upon returning to work yesterday, I discovered that my company has now added Blogger to the many sites they block, so I'll sadly have to do any blog reading and writing in the off hours and you'll be hearing much less from me, at least until I get back on top of things. So if you notice less of me around, please don't take it personally... :)

Heartbroken

My father in law passed away very suddenly today. He was only 70. He had a massive heart attack at home. S had just spoken with him yesterday and I had just a few days ago. S is leaving for India tonight and I hope to leave as soon as tomorrow. Needless to say, we are both completely heartbroken and devastated. He will never meet his grandchildren and they will never know first hand just how wonderful he was. It will be awhile before I am back. Remember to call your parents and tell them you love them.

IVF meds arrive, mammogram done!

I still have to take the requisite IVF meds photo, but I'll be sure to do that and get it up. In the meantime, my friends over at One Kings Lane have moved the puppy inside for Fall. :)

I had my mammogram this morning and for anyone who has not been so lucky to experience this lovely procedure, it sucks. Though I guess it's better than the alternative. They said everything was fine, that likely the meds I've been on are just causing me to grow new breast tissue, which is why I'm feeling new things that weren't there before. I guess that should be good news for this small busted lady.

It's been a weird and wet day here, so hoping tomorrow is a better one.

Friday

So it's finally Friday... It seems that short weeks always seem the longest. Why is that?

I had my mock transfer on Wednesday, which was easy. Though I'm going to have to figure out how to drink even more water for the real deal (ET) as my bladder was not anywhere near being full enough, even though I felt like I was going to burst. It's pretty wild how the uterus lays down like a dog under a full bladder, nice to know. My ultrasound was a little clearer, but I didn't get a pic. It still looks odd to me, but he measured my remaining septum at 5mm, so well under the 1cm he said he wanted to be able to proceed without going back in again for surgery. I had finally stopped spotting (5 weeks post-op), but there was a blob in the middle of my ute that he said would also likely come out at some point. Thanks for giving me something exciting to look forward to... ;)

I'm finishing up my post-mock antibiotics today and waiting for my IVF meds to arrive tomorrow. Also waiting to ovulate, so I can start my Lupron. Thinking Sunday is the day, CD 17 of course, so we'll see if my body cooperates.

As seems to be the trend lately, my idea of taking leave for my IVF is falling apart. I had thought that I could just take unpaid leave, but the geniuses in HR told me to apply for STD (which I am very unlikely to receive). So I get to spend my free time playing phone tag with the good folks at Liberty Mutual (ironically the co. that I wanted to move back to Boston to work for 18 mos ago, but I digress). HR thinks it will be approved, but I talked to my clinic and the RE will only write me out of work for two days, ER and ET. The fall back is personal leave, which is what I thought I would take, but apparently I have to use up all of my PTO (3 wks through the rest of the year) before I would be allowed to take unpaid personal leave. So now I'm thinking I'm going to try to see if I can't just do some kind of modified work schedule, some kind of part-time and work from home combo, but sadly I work for one of the least progressive companies in the world. :(

Good news from the gyne this week, my viral infection is the less serious of the two types and will not require daily treatment, unless of course the stress of life causes it to be unbearable for me to go without it. Yay for fewer meds, as I was on my way to some kind of record.

Still trying to figure out how to balance out my upcoming weekend. Thinking I'm going to have to lift my spending moratorium to make up for what is likely be good ol' time with the boobie vice tomorrow. Wish me luck! :)

Everything at once

I'm trying to revel in what a gorgeous (almost) fall day it is today. I love everything about September! Let me count the ways... I love the weather, back to school, fall clothes, my anniversary, my birthday, the song by Earth, Wind, and Fire.... (he he)

Now for updates:
My (attempted) ultrasound last week was a huge waste of four hours. He couldn't see anything because my lining was too thin to get a contrast. Of course, they told me to come in as soon as I was done bleeding, it was CD7 so my lining was guaranteed to be thin. So tomorrow, I go in for a repeat u/s and my mock transfer. Part of me is petrified that the septum will still be there/be too big and we'll have to push back our IVF yet again, and we'll have to have surgery yet again. I'm still spotting (like I did for the three weeks post-op) and it's CD12 (and five wks post-op), so I'm afraid I'm not healing properly.

My IVF gift box is scheduled to arrive on Saturday (so we can sign for it) as I didn't want it delivered to work. Actually S will be signing for it, as I will be downtown, at yet another dr., getting a mammogram. I still can't believe that those words are even coming out of my mouth, I'm 33 for crying out loud. I recently discovered a new "knot" in my left breast that my gyne thinks is nothing (she doesn't get excited about much). But since it's new, she's sending me to get it checked out.

With both of my septum surgeries, I've been on high dose estrogen to help with healing and over those six weeks (in February and August), I've taken the equivalent of two years of hormone replacement therapy. You know the stuff they don't reco anymore bc it causes higher cancer rates. :( I don't think I have cancer, I'm just so tired of dealing with health issues. I used to be a really healthy person, really.

I'm also thinking of getting on medication to deal with my latest health "situation" (see: Cape fun). I got a call that my test results were in from my gyne, but will have to wait until tomorrow when she is back in the office to get them.

I am so hoping that some time off of work will get me to a better place physically and mentally, as I will either need to be ready in six weeks to be pregnant or be prepared to deal with not being pregnant post-IVF, and going back to work either way. I wish I knew things were going to get better before they get worse...

Taking leave

I talked to my boss today about taking a leave of absence from work. He was really good about it. Now I get to deal with the paperwork and getting ready to go out. S and I finally decided that it's worth giving up my salary to focus on what we are trying to do and all we have on the line and then re-evaluate after this cycle. I have to fight the urge to focus on what we are foregoing (one mos. takehome = $ for 2 FET cycles here or one fresh cycle in India (incl. plane tickets)...

I decided that instead of going away, which we desperately need, we are going to see my family up north this weekend. With all we have coming up I'm worried I won't be able to spend time with my ailing grandmother. And then of course there are my adorable niece and nephews, who are growing like weeds.

Hope you have a great long weekend. :)

Blogs with substance

So about eight months and very nearly 200 posts in, I'm still working on this blogging thing. I started it as a sort of online diary (I'm no writer), without much of a plan, that I thought might help other ladies struggling with infertility. But some days I wish, I'll admit, that it was private. That's just how I roll. There were several posts written that never saw the light of day. Other days, I wish that I could just post fun stuff that engages my fabulous readers that really had nothing to do with my life, but then I guess it wouldn't be considered a "blog with substance."

Now for the requisites:
1-Thank the giver!
Thanks Angela at every.day.matters. for giving me this award. I'd like to thank the Academy... (sorry, wrong speech.)

2-Sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation & experience using 5 words...
Hmmm? Infertility.Life.Design.Sharing. (yes, that's only four)

3-Pass it on to 10 other blogs that you know have real substance!
The Patient's Doctor (not bc the good dr. needs an award, but bc I think you'll like his blog)
LTF525 (Lindsay)
It's Always Something (Niki)
TTC isn't as easy as 1-2-3 (Amber)
Infertile in Italy (Rosie)
Waiting for our Miracle (Lindsey)
Close my eyes and leap (Sulfa)
Inconceivable (Worms)
PCOS: Pretty Crappy Ovary Syndrome (Steph-Anasara)

I would be remiss if I didn't thank Rachael of There's No Crying in Baseball, who so kindly gave me the Beautiful blog award back when I first started blogging in February.



I felt a little like Obama must have when he got the Nobel (stay with me), as I knew I had the potential, but I felt like I hadn't really been around long enough to warrant the recognition, as I had just arrived. So a belated thanks hon. :)