Hormones

...are not my friend right now. Not only am I starving (like don't stand between me and food hungry) all the time, I'm having terrible dreams. Like violent, awful, horrific nightmares. Lovely.

We may spend Thanksgiving at home instead of going to WI to see family (bc of ET), and S has decided that he needs to go back to India to deal with family stuff the last few weeks of the year, so I will be spending my brief time off for the holidays alone/with my family. The timing is such as he has several days off of work already for Christmas and New Year's, and since he is completely out of PTO from September, he can minimize the amount of time he needs to take unpaid. He would have gone back already, if we weren't cycling. My family is five hours away, but they are not easily mobile with my wheelchair bound grandmother and my sister's three small kids.

I'm usually pretty levelheaded (or at least I like to think so ;)), but my drugged out body/mind is already working up scenarios where even if we get pg this cycle, something terrible happens when he's gone (either to him or the baby). I'm not sure how I got to this point where my coping skills are so crappy.