Fun finds!

I've been very disciplined on my spending freeze for so long, and will continue to be until we are a bit more out of the woods (oh to have to cycle again completely OOP and without the benefit of a FT salary = eek!), but I gave in a little bit this last week for a few fun finds.

I couldn't believe it when I stumbled across this adorable footstool at Meijer (of all places) and it was on sale for $39, and they had just sent me a 10% off coupon in the mail.  I am in love w/the fabric!

I saw this rugby basket (from The Container Store, one of my all time favorite stores) in a pregnancy magazine and knew I had to have it.  I got the larger one (for $15) and am storing extra rolls of paper towels in it for now, but I'm thinking it'll be good for books or toys or whatever and the great thing is it folds flat.

And last but not least, my only purchases from the Calypso St. Barth line at Target.  Tunics for the twinkies!

They are meant for girls, but as they are blue w/elephants and tunics are suitable for either, I don't really care.  In six months size for next summer (don't worry, they are returnable)

Now back to me not spending money...  Tomorrow we go back to the RE for what could be the very last time, for another u/s to see the twins.  We are so excited!  Next Monday is our first u/s with our OB and if we make it that far (8w3d), we'll have made it just past the point where we lost the last one.  It's going to be a long weekend...

Twins!

We had our first ultrasound this morning @ 6w4d and we're pregnant w/twins!  It was nearly impossible to get them at all on the same screen, as they are still very small, but we have two sacs, yolk sacs, and LOs w/heartbeats! 

We are very excited, though of course that is tempered by the reality (which our RE reminded us of) that there is an even higher rate of m/c since we have two and obviously the rate of complications, if both continue to thrive, will likely be higher.  But we'll take it! :)

Thanks and welcome!

Hello ladies!  I've officially made my blog private, so if you requested access, hopefully you can read this.  A big thank you to everyone who wrote to me such nice things about our journey and what you get from reading my blog.  It means a lot that you find it helpful, or at least mildly entertaining.

Not much exciting happening other than the inevitable nausea that decided to show when we were out to dinner with friends on Friday night, and Saturday for DH's work dinner, and again yesterday that pretty much knocked me out for the weekend.  But today, I feel fine.  Go figure.  We are super excited for our ultrasound tomorrow.  Wish us luck!!

Summertime

Summer is so glorious here (today was a true Bermuda day), but as I'm sure it probably does for everyone, it seems to disappear in a flash.  Assuming everything continues to go well with this pregnancy (a girl can hope) and we start the 2nd tri in early July, we've got a lot on our plates, as usual...

Travel:
-Brooklyn to visit sister Jen and Gary in their new apt., also my friend Shelby and her new baby boy, and step-sister Alyssa and her bakery.  (We don't want to get stuck in the hot city again like we did last summer, so we're off to the beach/The Hamptons!  DH also wants to see "The Book of Mormon" on Broadway.)
-WI for cousin Chelsie's wedding, stopping at Taliesin in Spring Green on return trip for tour/dinner
-Long weekend in Saugatuck, MI
-Italy for 5th anniversary! :)  (Tuscany and Rome, side trip to see DH's friend Deepak in Maranello)
-A week or two in WI to hang out with G-ma K... (she's also giving me her new Husqvarna sewing machine)

Around town:
-Go kayaking through LLB
-Go sailing on Lake Michigan w/DH's boss, Robert et al
-Frequent Green City and other local farmer's markets
-White Sox v. Red Sox game (our respective alma mater's neighborhood teams)

Around the house:
-Have my dad, the carpenter, build out wall in den for extra bedroom
-Choose furniture and decor and begin work on nursery

Exercise:
-Get to our outdoor pool as often as possible
-Use home gym (treadmill & bike) and do yoga as often as tolerated
-Use Harper gym, if feeling particularly ambitious ;)

Outdoor Concerts:
-U2 @ Soldier Field (rescheduled from last summer)
-Ravinia corner concerts (Ramsey Lewis/Pink Martini, Yo-Yo Ma, Gipsy Kings, etc.)
-Get to Millenium Park concerts at least once

School:
-Taking summer school class on Green Design @ Harper (online)

Work:
-Do contract consulting as good opportunities arise
-Continue to lunch and cultivate client work with professional contacts

Taking my blog private and six weeks!

I have decided to make my blog private, as I've realized my election to not be picked up in Google searches was somehow recently deactivated and I've had thousands of hits in the last few weeks (8697 to be exact) from people who don't know me or presumably care about our journey.  Ah, the joys of the internets...  A bit too creepy for this non-AW pregnant lady...

If you'd like to continue reading about our journey, please e-mail me at kthappy76@gmail.com so I can give you access. 

How your baby's growing at six weeks: (from BabyCenter.com)

This week's major developments: The nose, mouth, and ears are all beginning to take shape. If you could see into your uterus, you'd find an oversize head and dark spots where your baby's eyes and nostrils are starting to form. His emerging ears are marked by small depressions on the sides of the head, and his arms and legs by protruding buds. His heart is beating about 100 to 160 times a minute — almost twice as fast as yours — and blood is beginning to course through his body. His intestines are developing, and the bud of tissue that will give rise to his lungs has appeared. His pituitary gland is forming, as are the rest of his brain, muscles, and bones. Right now, your baby is a quarter of an inch long, about the size of a lentil. :)

Still feeling really good, just thankful I can sleep as much as my overheated body decides it wants to, as it's not necessarily through the night.  No nausea at all, yet...  So much different than last time.

Calling all infertiles! (and those who love them)

It's show time people!  One of the most frustrating things for me over the last three years (besides of course not being able to get pregnant without LOTS of medical help), is the current state of awareness and support for those who are dealing with the disease of infertility.  I think we still need more high profile people (i.e. celebrities) who are willing to tell their stories and advocate for the cause (especially after they've had their babies), much like breast cancer had in the 1970's with First Lady Betty Ford, which was then followed by the formation of numerous high profile charities who were and are focused solely on the cause.  Before this time, it was terribly taboo to even discuss this form of cancer and research and support were few and far between.  Hard to imagine now with everything bathed in pink for the entire month of October...

It disappoints me greatly that not one, but the last THREE of the last first ladies (Clinton, Bush, and Obama) had to deal with infertility in order to have their daughters, but not a one of them (to my knowledge) have done anything more than to mention their difficulties in passing in interviews or memoirs.  I wonder how much farther along we would be in our evolution as a society if more people were brave enough to step out and make this an important issue for anyone who has or wants a family, which I think most people agree is one of the most fundamental aspects of life.

Thankfully there are some advocacy groups actively working to promote the rights of the infertile, who often struggle in silence and are forced to make decisions about their medical care and whether or not they have children based on what their family is able to afford.  A new bill called The Family Act of 2011 has now been introduced in the U.S. Senate (as of last Friday) by Sen. Kristin Gillibrand of NY (D) and it needs co-sponsors and supporters in the only slightly Democratically controlled Senate.  The aim of the bill is to make equitable the ability of those treating infertility (or preserving fertility due to cancer) and those who have chosen to adopt to receive tax credits for the costs associated with building their families.  I have always said that no one should have to mortgage their future to have a family, it just doesn't make sense.  It is rare to have any indication in advance that you will have to deal with infertility, so it's not like you know to start saving before you are in the midst of the storm.

Please take the time to write to your two U.S. Senators (see link above, Resolve has made it super easy but please add your story) to ask them to support (and co-sponsor) this bill.  Even if we are not able to get this passed, then at least we are making progress in educating our legislators about the importance of helping those who, through no fault of their own, are faced with large medical expenses (often uncovered by insurance) in order to try to have a family.  Thank you.

Family Act FAQ
Overview of The Family Act

FET beta #3

7078!!!  Holy crap!!!  I can't begin to tell you how happy I am to have nice strong number today, as it seriously puts my mind at ease as we enter our last week of waiting before our first u/s, which is next Tuesday.

The funny thing is that my beta actually and thankfully picked up speed from last Monday, which is unusual, with a doubling time of less than two days.

Just for comparison, my betas at 14dpo, 17dpo, and 24dpo last time were: 104, 490, and 3764 (all slightly above the beta base median for a singleton (which are 102, 296, and 3408, respectively)). 

This time for the same days my betas were: 197, 480, 7078 (bumping right along the median for twins :), which are 206, 582, and 6842...).

Learning to sew

Something I've been meaning to do for some time is learn to sew.  It's funny because my mother knows how, and I remember in my early years she'd sew us four all dresses in similar fabrics, but she never taught any of us (me and my sisters) how to sew.  She also didn't teach us how to cook, which she acknowledges is pretty much dropping the ball with all of us.  But after she went back to school and work, ours was more of a do well in school so you can take care of yourself kind of household than let's sit around and learn to be a homemaker.

I asked for her help in sewing a cushion cover for a mudroom bench that I bought five years ago, and I'm still waiting.  I bought the fabric, padding and everything she needed and while my sister E was still pregnant with her first (who is now 4) she thought she'd get it done.  But then #1 arrived, and then #2 and then #3, who she watches when my sister and BIL are both working.  Now she is caring for my 94 yr old ailing grandmother (who now lives with her) and my sister Sara and her chemo.  So it's time for me to start doing my own sewing.

I took my first class today and I must say I did quite well.  I'm thinking I'll take another next week.  I've of course been looking at fabrics for the nursery for awhile and again, and am very excited that I could actually start making things all by myself.  I feel like such a big girl... ;)  Now I just need to get a machine of my own and I'll be real trouble.  Stay tuned...

Five weeks!

Time is crawling, but we are 5 weeks today!  It is so strange how different I feel than the last time.  I've had no nausea (not that I'm complaining) and generally feel pretty good.  Everyone I talk to attributes this to the fact that I haven't been working, which I think is probably pretty accurate.  I can't do much about my anxiety, other than just try to remain optimistic, but it certainly doesn't hurt getting rid of all that unnecessary stress.

I am going in on Monday for my optional third beta just to make sure that everything is still progressing and so I can drive myself crazy if it's not as high as last time @ 24dpo. ;)  We are aiming for the high 3000's.  It's only a week and a half until our first u/s and to say that I am excited is a massive understatement.

The weather has been amazing here and I've finally gotten all my annuals in.  I am especially excited about all the heirloom tomatoes and strawberries.  Now I just have to wait for them to fruit already.

I can't believe it's only two weeks until Memorial Day weekend.  We'll be headed up to WI again to see the fam, celebrate my mom and BIL's shared b-day and also my g-ma G's 89th! And my sister finishing chemo!  Should be fun!

A very scary night

I debated writing about this at all, as people may wonder if I'm trying to garner sympathy, when I actually don't particularly enjoy sharing the intimacies of our lives.  Except that I know there are other women out there going through what I have, which is the only reason why this blog is public.  I've also learned that unless you've experienced a sudden and natural m/c (which I wouldn't wish on anyone), you (thankfully) have absolutely no idea what the experience is like.  This is why I thought I'd share.

The single worst days of my life so far, last December 29 and 30, when we lost our baby, I was alone and naive.  I had no idea what was happening.  I had lower back pain and started cramping, but it was almost over before it began.  I admit I think about it often, though not in a woe is me sort of way, but more like flashbacks to some sort of sneak attack.  I've come to acknowledge that I likely have PTSD or something of the like.  It impacted my ability to feel like I was useful at work and is one of the reasons why I decided to leave.  And now, we are (thankfully) pregnant again, which brings with it all new sorts of anxiety.  Like my irrational fear that the baby will come out when I'm going to the bathroom.  If only I had learned of my loss via u/s like most people do, I could have an irrational fear them, not something I have to do many times a day.

Last night, I thought it was starting to happen again.  I started having oddly painful cramps out of nowhere and my lower back was killing me.  The horror of that night came back.  I knew there was absolutely nothing I (or anyone else) could do if my cervix decided it was going to open up again, but I didn't have the benefit of the naivety that protected me that night, that is up until I ended up sitting there with my baby in my hands knowing there wasn't anything I could do to reverse what had happened.

Last night thankfully it ended differently.  After several hours of alternating between the bed, where I dreaded waking up in a pool of blood (who thinks about messing their bed at a time like this?) and the toilet where I readied myself for the sight of what I wasn't ready to see before (but at this point it would just be blood, no baby), I wanted to think that maybe the uterine contractions I was having was it expanding rather than contracting.  But why now and why such horrific pain?  DH was beside himself.  I had no idea before how huge the uterus gets even early in pregnancy, until of course I saw first hand all of the material that came out last time (it seems an unlimited amount of tissue and blood), and then I felt every millimeter of it shrinking back to it's regular tiny size in the subsequent days after my loss.  Good to know.

We finally fell asleep and today I feel surprisingly good.  I have no idea what the hell happened.  Is this normal?  Did we lose one?  Is it over?  I haven't bled at all.  Hopefully it was just my initiation into this latest pregnancy, which is not otherwise making me sick at all.  I don't really feel different or pregnant, though my tummy is already a tiny little bump. :)

FET beta #2

Came back at 480.  Honestly, I was hoping for it to be higher.  Last time I went from 104 to 490 in the same three days, and we know how that ended.  That's a doubling time of 56 hours, which is definitely on the slow end (it was 32 hours last time).  They said it was in the range of normal, so I'm trying not to completely freak out.  Hoping slow and steady (our turtle(s)) wins this race...

I am done w/beta tests now, unless I want to have another, which I may next week.  My first u/s is booked for May 24th, two weeks from tomorrow, when I'll be 6 1/2 weeks.  I know it makes no difference in the viability of the pregnancy, but I'm dying to know what it looks like in there and to get my first OB appt. scheduled ASAP.

I will be on E2 patches and PIO until 13 and 15 weeks, respectively.  Man, that feels like a really long time, and that stuff is not cheap, at all.  Again, FETs suck big time.

FET beta #1 :)

197!!!  Holy cow!  That's nearly 2x what it was last time at 14dpo (104).  They like to see it >50.  My P4 was >40 (when they stop measuring apparently, they like this >20) and my E2 was "perfect" (the nurse was so excited she didn't get the number out before she said this :) ).  She told me this morning when she saw my super high hormone levels from the transfer day, she totally knew I was going to get pg.

We are very excited and thankful.  Beta #2 is Monday.  Thanks so much for all your support.

French tulips from the Green City Market

Chinese gender prediction?

So I went to back to my acupuncturist today for the first time since my post-transfer treatment last Thursday.  She is very excited.  She checked my pulse once she had me on the table and then went on to explain that Chinese medicine says that you can predict the gender of your child through the pulse.  Since my left wrist was stronger, she predicted that we are having a boy.  Unfortunately, she didn't do this little exercise last time, so I have no idea if she would have said I was pregnant with a girl.  Not sure what happens if you are having twins of each gender.  Anyways, hope we get to find out in about three more months for real. :)

I know these are getting really gratuitous at this point, but you know after years of seeing negatives, I never tire of seeing that magic word... Pregnant...

Reassurance

We're just taking it one day at a time over here.  I had exactly enough tests to take one per day the rest of this week, which is good since the lines on my first two tests are now completely gone and the digital already died (WTH!).  Fortunately the test lines are getting darker.  Tomorrow is another digital (and acupuncture! :) ), then beta on Friday.  Eek!

5dp5dt

We are obviously excited, but very cautious.  Beta isn't until Friday, and I'm not sure we'll be able to relax until we have a baby/ies at home.  DH's cousin and his wife (who were married since we were in India last fall) just lost their first baby yesterday and they were in the second trimester.

Happy May Day!

Our earliest flowers have just started popping up in the last few days!

I am just eating up the sunshine after we had a very wet and gray April.  Loving having the windows open in the house and having my sunroof open as I tool around town.  But considering I got exhausted on a quick trip to Whole Foods and Target this afternoon, it was a short day out for me.  I had all sorts of ute lightning yesterday (starting right after I posted that I hadn't had any yet) and today I'm pooped.  I tested this morning and got nothing, stark white.  But after my slump this afternoon and a nice long nap, I decided to try it again.   You can't really see it in this picture, but there is definitely something there.  Dying to test again tomorrow morning.  :)