On working

A long time ago, nearly two years ago now, I wrote about leaving my job in my effort to become a mother. Well next week, I'm going back to work for the first time in nearly two and a half years. When I left way back then, my intention was to do freelance consulting work while we figured out how to build our family, which I did, albeit briefly, until I got pregnant with the twins. Then we took the summer to ourselves, and then I gave up my life in pretty much every respect in hopes of bringing them to term. Then after they were born, I turned down work (and pretty much everything else) to be home with them and breastfeed for their first year, since I decided those were the most important things to me. And then I struggled with whether to go back full time (permanently) or continue to do freelance work. All the time, this has taken a way back seat to being with the kids.

With the summer winding down, I finally just decided to stop turning down work.  I've known for a very long time that I'm not a career mom (where your primary career is to be a mom), though I think I'm pretty good at it and have treasured devoting all my time to my kids.  My first project will last about six weeks, the next about six months, taking me well into next spring. The kids are going to school and I am going back to work. It still sounds weird to say. I hope I remember how to do something other than love, cook, feed, clean, change, play, wash, repeat... 

Once upon a time, I was respected by people who could speak in complete sentences, and who don't crap their pants (though not as loveable), I even out earned my well compensated husband. It is amazing what you'll give up when you can't have a family. Fortunately (and somewhat surprisingly), we can live pretty happily on one salary, but I know enough to know that the longer I'm out of the game, the less relevant and valuable I become, despite my expensive education and many years of diligent experience. And as wonderful (and hard working) as my dear hubby is, I've never wanted to be dependent on anyone else for my own or my/our kids' needs. (see also: not dropping out of college to become a trophy wife) 

So I know everyone has a different take on all of this, but as hard as it is to see the kids grow up and all of us leave the nest, I know that it will be good for all of us, we'll all just need to up our game.  Wish us luck! 

Toddler room mini makeovers

So with my love of textiles, it's pretty much a given that moving from babies to toddlers is a big enough reason to give the kids' soft goods a make over.  I loved their baby sheets (Boppy organic in star dot white and pinstripe tan), but it was time to move from subtle baby stuff to something with a little more color.

I also ended up disappointed with the rug I got for Mari's room from W-S home (it got pilly quickly) and I've found that even though I love Dash and Albert's designs, like I got for Alistair's room, thin cotton rugs are also not my thing, so I got her a new 7' round wool rug (the fair isle) from Garnet Hill (available colors)

As usual, please excuse my awesome photog skills...

The kids seem to like the extra padding, as her room doubles as a playroom, though they have free roam of the first floor. It recalls my love for candy stripes, which I wrote about back in the day, and was always kind of an underlying look I liked as I acquired several of the components of her decor.  Her new toddler sheet set (from the Princess and the Pea collection) from LON evokes the same idea, but the smaller scale hopefully works.

 

I also got them some gingham bins from The Container Store to hold all their Jellycats.

 

I also got her new knobs for her wardrobe, the Marmara (or as I call them, Marmari) from Anthro (of course) that I should have just bought in the first place.

For Alistair, I also wanted something a little bolder, darker, and his new sheets are also from LON, and coordinate with his curtains.  His new madras toddler quilt is from PB kids.

 

I haven't decided yet when to move them to toddler beds. I guess I'm subscribing to the idea that they'll let me know and that there is really little need to dismantle their cribs until we have to. Our cribs do convert to toddler beds, they just drop a side, so I'd need to get rails of some kind.  My sister has offered me use of her toddler beds, since her three bigger kids are now in bunk beds she has in jack and jill kids rooms, though I haven't seen them recently enough to know if I'd want to use them.  We'll see if I can help from buying them some of the cute tiny beds they have out there.

20 months old

My oh my, the last month just disappeared into the ether.  Why does summer always do that?  Twenty months seems like a big milestone, even if it isn't really, ahead of the big two coming in Dec.

As I mentioned in my last post, Alistair is still not walking independently.   I had told myself that if we got to this point (20 mos.), we'd be seeking more help for him, but then he recently started making more obvious progress, notably impromptu standing on his own (something I don't think Mari ever did before she first walked in Mar.). He'll let go of what he's holding on to or just stand up from sitting, or even sometimes stand for a bit after we let go of him.  He is also standing (while assisted) with so much more confidence, strength, and good posture than before. It makes me smile, and sometimes cry...  

 

So I'm inclined to just let him continue on at his own pace, as he didn't crawl until Thanksgiving (11 mos.), but has been cruising for months, as she did.  He certainly watches Mari walk (and now run like a crazy girl) everywhere, but it doesn't seem to make him want to do it, so he's not frustrated.  I don't know if it's a confidence thing or what.  No one thinks there is anything "wrong" he's got all the pieces.  We're just trying to be patient.  And he climbs like a monkey, like when we went to the amazing playground in Southampton, and he was determined to climb up the biggest slide they had.

 

It's such a line between worrying about them and letting them just be the little people that they are.. You want what's best for them, and don't want them to be behind, but you don't want to push them too hard when they are just doing their thing. KWIM?

He's a sweet boy and has finally cut back on pulling her hair, sometimes now he just pets it, he can't help it, so we may actually be able to grow it out.

 

 

And my spunky girl, oh my spunky girl.  She's got her 16 teeth now and runs around like a maniac.  She did the cutest thing yesterday, I was carrying her month worth of diapers from the foyer to her wardrobe and turned around to find her on my shoulder (which she often is when I'm in her closet).  But she had a packet of wipes in her hands (they come with the diapers) that she needed to put on the shelf.  And then she proceeded to do the same with the other three, and of course the last two had to go in one trip.  Not necessarily developmentally advanced or particularly notably probably, but as much as she carries things around everywhere, this was one of the few times she was helping of her own volition, w/o prompting, and understanding that she was doing so.  Yeah, I teared up.  My big girl and helper.  Her next challenge, giving up her nuk.  We both may need to be sedated for that.

 

Doing yoga in the park in Southampton

(we finally got his hair cut yesterday, and he looks like a different boy)

 

So they are both very chatty and verbal, though they don't have more than a dozen real words (that I understand anyway).  I know that having them home is a slight disadvantage, hopefully offset by not being TV watchers (while this may be counter intuitive, both are shown in research studies to delay verbal development vs. the alternative).  We do read a lot and they listen to a lot of music, and sometimes, when I get tired of opera, to NPR. 

 

They love eating with utensils, drinking out of big kid cups, going to the library, and to see the ducks at the park and dogs at the market, but what seems to make them happiest is spending time with daddy.  We are all so lucky to have him. :)

The Hamptons 2013

Now for something a bit more upbeat.  We had a really great vacation in the Hamptons.  Those of you who've been following along for awhile might remember that we went (for the first time) two Augusts ago, after being loyal Cape goers for several years.

The Cape is still where I'd like to retire, at least part time, and DH thinks we should go back next year.  I first went there in '95 during spring open campus and lived there full time during my college summers ('96-'98), when I was a live-in summer nanny for two different suburban Boston families who summer in Hyannis Port (the tiny tony town west of Hyannis), when I got lots of time to explore the Cape, Islands and the Sound with them, my au pair friends, and my boyfriend at the time.

Exactly two years ago was just after my younger sister had moved to Brooklyn (for her beau's job) and also as we were presented with the beginning of my cervical problems with the twins (I lost my plug the morning of our flight and, ironically just hours after writing this post @19w, and after a check-up was cleared to go).  So that was a shorter and more stressful visit, though we managed to cover a lot of ground (we flew into the city, rented a Jeep, and visited almost every hamlet in the Hamptons).

Last time, we stayed in Montauk (at the very farthest eastern tip of the south fork of Long Island), but this time we decided to stay a little closer to the action in Southampton.  Like last time, we rented a place on the water, this time eastern Shinnecock Bay, which was lovely.  My sister came along this time, which was great, to visit and for extra hands, and her boyfriend drove out from the city at the end of the week for a visit.

our view of the bay

I'm not going to lie, the drive was long, but not nearly as bad as it could have been.  Much to my delight, I-80 in PA has been much improved since I last frequented it in the 90s and is no longer one big rumble strip.  The kids did really well with frequent stops, every 1.5-2 hrs., (and DVDs, which were new to them, but they are now addicted to) which makes for long days, but that is just the reality when traveling with small children.  We decided to drive when I couldn't find the flights I wanted and to take/rent cribs or pack and plays, car seats, etc. just got to seem a bit ridiculous when we could just get in the car and go. (the drive was also a bit ridiculous, but there you go)

We had planned to go away earlier, but since pumping for 12 months kinda took up year one, and then we just kept waiting for Alistair to start walking on his own (which he still is not, though he is getting much closer), but we finally decided to bite the bullet and go.  I think this was a pretty good age to go on a first beach vacation.  I don't know that going younger would have been much fun, for any of us.  I know from my years on the Cape (when I watched older kids, but many of my friends did not) that babies and the beach can make for mostly miserable babies and caretakers. 

 

We're thinking of flying to Boston for a long weekend in the fall, before India, so we can get the kids on a plane and do a hotel (w/cribs) and get around w/o a car.

Since our three hotel ventures last year (with MIL along) were all in suites, this was our first time experiencing the wonder of adjoining hotel rooms while in transit.  I'm a fan, since it worked well for us.  The four of us all stayed together in the extra bedroom at my sister's in the city for a night and it was cozy.  My hat's off to those with small kids in small apts.

My ingredients for a good beach vacation include: 1. ice cream, 2. lobster rolls, 3. other good food and stuff to do besides the beach... 

So these are some of the places we enjoyed:

Bridgehampton
World Pie
Pierre's
Bridgehampton Candy Kitchen (homemade ice cream)
Hampton Designer Show house (just outside Sag Harbor) - I'll be posting separately on this later

Southampton
Barrister's
Southampton Fudge Company (homemade ice cream)
Sant Ambroeus

Road D (free and amazing) and Ponquogue beaches

Hampton Bays
Brewster's
The Edgewater

Wainscott
Serena and Lily (summer store)

East Hampton
Upscale shopping galore

Today

Today I had my first post pg annual exam. I was due in Feb., 12 mos. after my six wk. post partum, or so my office thought per their many reminder letters.  But when I went in then, the NP informed me that they only do Paps every two yrs. now, so she sent me on my way and told me to come back. These are not typically a big deal for me, so I was not expecting today to be any different. They are converting to e-records, so the first 20 mins. was going through everything they had entered into the system with a nurse to make sure it was correct. We talked through my lengthy history, reviewed my family history (which they had up to date), and then I waited to see Dr. Levin, who saw me through the pg w/the twins.

We talked for awhile and she was concerned that my sister had cancer so young (40). Fallopian tube cancer is a rarer, but close relative of ovarian, so she suggested I look into BRCA testing, if my sister hadn't been tested.  But regardless of the outcome, with my risk she doesn't want me ovulating, so she put me back on BCP (low dose). She said it might be a good idea to just have my tubes removed, which is a relatively minor lap procedure. She also noted after the exam that my cervix is wide open, which she couldn't explain but it is not the way it is supposed to be, so even though she loves to talk about "if (we) have another", if I needed confirmation that my body is in no state to ever due such a thing, "there's your sign".

I couldn't remember if my sister had done any genetic testing after her diagnosis/treatment, so I gave my mom a call.  In my defense, my mother kept a lot of what went on (including initially even her diagnosis in early 9/10) because we were simultaneously dealing with our planned first IVF cycle and then the sudden death of my FIL in India.  She said the testing had been raised at the time, but that since my sister's insurance didn't cover it (she is disabled and receives SSI) and since the next recommendation if she tested positive would be a complete double mastectomy, which my mother had decided she would not put her through, she opted not to have it done at all. Well, that was her decision to make for her, but that doesn't really help my sisters and me, so I have a referral to the ovarian center to see what they say about next steps.

I have no idea if they will recommend the testing based on my profile, or if they do if it will be covered by our private insurance. Based on what we find, we'll decide if we want to do it OOP if that is our only option. I didn't know until speaking w/my mom today that I had great aunts on each side who had either ovarian or another "undetermined" reproductive cancer.   Why on earth had this never come up?  Thankfully, there is no history of any breast cancer in my family.   My mother is a (now retired) RN and mother of four daughters for crying out loud. The common link between all three (my sister and great aunts) is that they didn't have any children (two were disabled, the other was a nun), which raises your risk (pg and BFing, like BCP, gives the ovaries a preventative rest).

So it's a lot to digest, but it seems we may be at just the beginning a new venture into the medical abyss. As much as I abhor and avoid drama, life is certainly never boring over here.  I guess the good news is I have a clear baseline mammogram/b ultrasound from 2010 and my lap that year didn't turn up anything out of turn (not that they were looking necessarily) and my exam today was otherwise fine.  I guess I can also look forward to trading up in the boobie dept. if all goes south.  I'll be sure to post what I find out. Any experience you may have is welcome.

My little loves

It's Complicated

There is nothing quite like going on your first real family vacation, you know as a "real family", where everyone has a great time, the weather cooperates, all goes to plan, you make it there and back 2,000 miles safely, to find the house just like you left it. No papers or mail piled up, the lawn guy actually came like he was supposed to, and your neighbor even decided to trim back that tree hanging over your garage that fills your gutters with junk. It's a really good feeling.

Well that lasted less than two hours. I ended up in the ER last night with a "complicated head laceration" from a run in with my pantry cabinet door (warning: pic below). I guess what's more surprising is that I don't injure myself more frequently than I do. I'm kind of a klutz.

I got five stitches (my first ever) because that is all they could manage. Most of the wound is too wide and too much of a "gouge" to bring the wound together. So now I get to wait until it heals to see what we'll be dealing with as far as scarring from the tissue damage. In the meantime, I'll be planning my new life with bangs and open shelving or whatever...

Happier times by the seaside (aka what my forehead used to look like)...

The aftermath...  Maybe I can be Frankenstein for Halloween.