Random musings from a numbers gal...

So I was thinking today, it's been almost exactly 20 YEARS since I first got AF. I know this is not a Hallmark holiday or one that I ever note (wouldn't that be weird?), but I guess it's just symbolic of how long I've theoretically been fertile. That's a long effing time. Of course I emphasize the "theoretical", because even though my drs. and acupuncturist think I AM in fact fertile, we are of course not getting pregnant...for over a year. Hence the brand on my forehead that says INFERTILE. It has taken me awhile to get used to this idea. How was it possible that after spending ten years taking care of other people's children (babysitting from ~12 and nannying summers in college) and then on BCP for ten to keep from having any, that I would now be in a situation where I've finally got all my shit together (6FS, DH, big house, etc.) and it would be so hard? S and I have been together for 5 years, bought our house 4 years ago, and married 1225 days ago (thank you Knot). We initially thought we'd start TTC a year after we got married, but then that became two. So I was beyond ready. Why does this only seem to happen for people who DON'T have their shit together?