Gambling and Ramblings

I'm sure this analogy has been used before, I'm not that inventive. The more I think about reproduction, the more it reminds me of just a bunch of gambling.

Many (typically fertile) people get pg by accident when not preventing. I've heard as many as half of all pregnancies are unplanned. Unless it's forced, it's obviously a choice to gamble.

Then there is planned reproduction. It's a gamble too, you don't know what you're going to get. I get so upset when I hear people talk about gender disappointment (and don't even get me started on gender preference) because remember people, you're gambling. If you aren't happy for either outcome, you just shouldn't be playing.

Assisted reproduction is then, of course, the equivalent of high stakes poker. We put all our chips on the table (and then some) and we won, just to have it all taken away and be left with nothing. If $15K would guarantee me a take home baby, I'd be the first to sign up. But of course this is very far from a guarantee. You get a roll of the dice, that is all. I guess I need to start getting comfortable with this, how I'm not sure. I'm not a gambler, not with money anyway.

Ramblings:

Miscarriage is one of those awkward situations that people aren't always sure how to deal with. The expression of sadness is easy and people mean well, but even if someone has experienced it (as many many women have) I have a hard time finding a lot of comfort from people who insist on telling me they know how just I feel if they:

-are fertile, or better yet already have 1 or 2 kids when they have a m/c
-had a failed cycle or a c/p, I'm sure these are just awful, but it's not the same
-if IF, still have IF coverage to keep trying w/o affecting their lifestyle
-are still so young that their age is a non-issue
-have their husband, which is the only person that you'd conceivably want to have anywhere near you when you lose your child, with them to comfort them

Just like I would never presume to know what it's like to lose multiple pg, a pg in the 2nd or 3rd trimester, or what it's like to lose a child. It's ridiculous.

I was reading about having a miscarriage at the point at which I had mine (~8 1/2 wks) and while they are not common (2-3% chance), the interesting thing that was noted it is the exact time that my body would be having it's second missed period. Eerily, almost to the exact hour, it was eight weeks from my LMP (the extra few days are bc I had only 12 days from LMP to ER). This of course could just be a random coincidence, but it could be a sign that somehow my body thought it should have (but didn't) get a monthly memo that it needed to stay pg and that it was not time to expel all contents of my womb and then proceed to continue to bleed out with absolutely no warning.

I just saw the last episode of the season of Giuliana and Bill. I think I've seen most of the others, but she was really starting to drive me nuts. I didn't think I'd watch this one after hearing about it, but just happened to catch it. She seemed a lot more normal and reasonable in this one. She had OHSS and complications after her second ER and then waited to do a FET, which ended up being negative. She had previously gotten pg after her 1st IVF cycle, but miscarried @ 8-9 weeks. It makes me think about what will happen if our next cycle doesn't work at all. Then what do we do?

Thanks to American/Gulf Air, I will not be seeing my DH for another week. There is apparently no way they can get him on another flight before his schedule flight to arrive next Sunday. My mom is leaving in the morning. I am supposed to go back to work on Tuesday. I have no idea how I'm going to make it through this week.