New Beginnings

Well it's been a long time since I posted. The kids are teens and almost 15 now.  They are so tall, I wasn't ready for them being taller than me (I'm 5'11"). They started high school last month. Last year, we applied to Chicago Public Schools that require tests (and grades) for admission and they both got in, so we bought a house in the city! Then within days my mom was diagnosed with stage four ovarian/fallopian tube cancer. So the year has been a bit of a blur. She's had multiple surgeries and multiple rounds of chemo since then, which she is almost done with now, at least for now. She turned 78 in May and will be fighting this for the rest of her life unfortunately. Since her diagnosis in March, we've spent every possible break in Wisconsin with her instead of on vacation. 

We "moved" over the summer, but since we are keeping our house in the suburbs (at least for now) we didn't really move that much. We bought new stuff for the new place. Thank goodness for the minivan, though it doesn't fit in our new garage. We are loving Old Town so far. The kids are getting settled in and making friends and getting ready for their first HOCOs. Marielle made varsity dance/poms so we've been doing football season and gearing up for competition season. It's been 21 years since I left the city (26 for DH) so we are being old in Old Town. Today is our 20th anniversary!!

Celebrating DH's 50th B-day in California last November

Obligatory year end post (2017)

Well hello there.  I had started a back to school post back in September, but then life got really crazy and it didn't happen.  The kids are doing great.  They just turned six and they are growing like weeds and losing and growing teeth right and left, and loving their new school.  We seriously won the lotto.

We lost my step-father in mid-October at the age of 64.  I still haven't fully come to terms with his passing, as it was very sudden at the end.  He was cruising along with his (stem cell inhibitor) clinical trial and chemo (though he'd lost a lot of weight) and then in late August, he got his first bad scan since January (when he first got into the trial).  This indicated that his aggressive cancer was not going to cooperate and since a bad scan gets you kicked out of a trial (insult meets injury), he wanted to qualify for another (this one immunotherapy) at Mayo, that he got into in September.  But it was sadly already too late.  He was willing to do whatever he could to get to watch his grandkids grow up.

We got to be there at the end.  It was eerily like my grandmother, who passed when I was pregnant with the twins, though she got an extra 30 years.  Within a few hours of our arrival, he was gone.

Dave became my step-dad when I was 8, a role he took seriously for the second half of his life and the vast majority of mine.  He loved us like his own, which was no small feat.  He saved us.

He met my mom when I was my kids' age and starting kindergarten and she was starting her new life.  She's doing as well as can be expected.  We just took her and my eldest sister on vacation with us, which will likely be how we do it for awhile, maybe forever.

It's overall been a pretty shitty cancer year for us.  My brother in law lost his dad and my step-mom lost her mom (both to metastatic liver cancer), and I lost a 40 year old high school friend and the twins' best friends lost their grandma who we saw every week at dance (both to metastatic esophageal cancer).  My kids have been to more funerals just this year than I did in my entire childhood.

I had my best year professionally since I went out on my own, but now that the kids are in school full time, I'm thinking of going in-house full time.  I will never be satisfied.

Speaking of that, we finally went to see Hamilton for our November anniversary. It was great.  Get the soundtrack, it's at least half the experience.

Wait for it

Death doesn’t discriminate
Between the sinners
And the saints
It takes and it takes and it takes
And we keep living anyway
We rise and we fall
And we break
And we make our mistakes
And if there’s a reason I’m still alive
When everyone who loves me has died
I’m willing to wait for it
I’m willing to wait for it

Catching Up

So I've totally bombed on the blog this year, like nearly a complete epic fail.  So four months later...  I tried to post about the Hamptons (and separately about their two show houses), but that didn't happen (too many photos and it blew up).  Then we went to Savannah/Hilton Head Island for our tenth anniversary/my 40th, which was hot and amazing.  And I went to Boston for another long weekend, which was cold but great.  The election, and nada... oh well.

My OB/gyne finally managed to talk me into getting my BRCA 1&2 testing done, (since my sister had a young and rare reproductive cancer dx) which I had been putting off, since my other sister was negative.  It ended up only costing me a few hundred bucks, and I'm negative for both, which is obviously fantastic given the prospective treatment plan (double mastectomy-oophorectomy).  Unfortunately for me, they found that I have a different genetic mutation (MUTYH), that triples my risk of developing colon cancer (which is what ultimately killed my grandmother five years ago at 94), which sucks pretty badly.  So in addition to turning 40 and getting another mammogram (which is still awful, but came back fine), I also have to add getting regular colonoscopies (and I already got my first, which thank goodness, was also fine). 

Ironically, much worse than actually turning 40, are the health screeners that will hopefully get me through a few more decades.  Colonoscopies themselves are no biggie, but you have to fast and then slam 32 ounces of what tastes like really bad cough syrup the day before to clean you out, so that's pretty awful.  And how are mammograms still so horrible, like someone somewhere (likely a woman) can't devise something that isn't a torture device?

The kids are doing great and getting huge.  Like I'm going to have two four-foot-tall kindergartners soon enough.  They turn five in five more days. OMG.  So we have... they are in two different schools crazy holidays, parties, birthdays, Christmas, no-break, and up to 40 4-5 year olds for their jumpy house party come January.  And I'm supposed to be starting a new work project, I volunteered and was elected to be VP of his school's PTA, and trying to figure out how we are going to get out of this frozen tundra for a bit.  Thankfully, I put the kibosh on our regular India trip this year.  I just can't deal with being gone for weeks and feeling like death at this time of year on top of everything else.

We finally got around to getting new pics done for holiday cards (better late than never), but we got our first snow storm that day, so we were forced inside his studio.  They are somehow ridiculously more photogenic than either of their parents.

Thankfully, my step father has made it through his chemo, radiation, and now surgery for his cancer as well as can be expected.  Praying for clear scans and as much time as possible for him.

New Schools and Year

It's been a hot and busy summer around here, so I've been off the blogs.  Living and loving real life.  Lots to update:

Marielle has already started at a new school, a local Catholic elementary, as it offers preschool for the same odd partial day that her brother will be in school.  It's her third and last year of preschool, though she'd be ready for kindergarten, if only she were a wee bit older.  It is also likely where she'd stay if we were living here and going private for elementary, but our public schools are crazy top notch (all their schools and others they could attend made this and all lists, which is another reason why we still haven't moved, our district is now amazeballs), so she is likely just going to the one down the street next fall.  This serious little girl is so big and just had to have her cardigan on and buttoned.  She just slays me sometimes.  You should have seen her dance recital, a total pro.

Alistair starts this week at yet another new preschool for his last year, the school district's, after I decided to get him assessed last spring.  He's always been a little slower than his sister (walking six plus months later, potty training a year later, etc.), though not behind his boy cousins, but she is a speedy one, so we weren't that concerned.  He's always been a leftie and sensitive (to sounds, bright light, temperature, feelings in general, etc.), and has had more trouble writing (switching back and forth/ambidexterous, less overall dexterity) and dealing with transitions.  I'd heard good things about the preschool, so we decided to give it a try.  They don't have stringent qualifications if they think they can benefit from help, so even though he has done fine in his other schools, we are hoping that some occupation therapy and extra help will get him really rocking and rolling to begin the all day kindergarten down the street arm in arm with his sister next fall.  He's also taking the bus, so that will be another exciting adventure.  My big brave boy is so excited!

After I put him on the bus, I felt jittery and thought I was really losing it (it's his first ride alone, but his third year of school).  But then I realized later when it didn't subside that I'd mistakenly had some caffeine, which totally wigs me out.  There should be some sort of disability program for mothers with low caffeine and alcohol tolerances like I have. 

My step-father's prognosis is sadly pretty grim.  He is doing well with his regimen of weekly chemo and daily radiation, but his surgery in a month or so to remove what they can of the very large tumor will be very debilitating and long term survival rates are low.  He is continuing to work as long as he can, as he wants to/can, and we are all just taking it as well as we can and we are spending lots of extra time up north to visit.

We just got back from visiting the Hamptons via NYC and Pittsburgh to beach it up and spend some time with my sister and her boyfriend (now officially fiancé, wedding date pending).  Lots of great fun, but enough for its own several posts...someday.

I've already completed a whole new project with my former CMO for the same client as the last.  And we have another international one for them on deck.  Working from home, on my own schedule, making bank with no overhead, using my brain and skills, not selling anything or abusing my social networks. Life is beautiful, so I'm riding this gravy train as long as it lasts.

We finally decided that we are in fact taking a trip sans twins for our tenth anniversary and my 40th birthday next month.  My mom will be busy travelling for her 50th high school reunion (though thankfully for us, my dad was opting out), so my dad and step-mother are coming down and taking on the kids for a long weekend, so we can get away.  We went back and forth about how far we were comfortable going (a few hour direct flight) and for how long (a few days) and also where (since we've been most everywhere within that proximity), but we settled on Savannah, since we've both never been and it's supposed to be fun.  We had such a great time with just an overnight away last year for DH's 40th, you'd think we'd do it more.  We can't wait!!

Heading back to the Hamptons

Happy May Day!  Five years ago today, we found out we were pregnant with the twins.  Do the years ever fly?!

Though this year marks 20 years since my first summer living in Hyannis Port on Cape Cod, we've decided we are headed back to the Hamptons this August.  We had my MIL here last year, so I did my Hamptons tour sans family, and our last summer beach trip was to the Cape and Nantucket in 2014.  We haven't all been to the Hamptons together since 2013, when the kids were just wee ones (and my forehead was still intact), and now back we go...

Some fun things I'm looking forward to this year...  Taking the kids all the way out to Montauk, a quaint fishing village turned hipster hangout and more importantly home to the Hampton's lighthouse.  Visiting a fave from my old hood, Jayson Home and Garden's first pop up store in Sag Harbor, as well as Coastal Living's Hamptons showhouse in Bridgehampton (Trad Home's Hamptons Designer Showhouse is in Sag Harbor this year).  Ice cream, ocean sand, lobster rolls, and lots of sun (crossing fingers)...

What may be one of the prettiest houses in East Hampton (snapped last summer)

Last time I had my feet in the sand (FWB, FL over New Year's.)

New Books and Updates

Some of you may remember my post last year about Deanna Fei and the blow up at AOL.  She did what writers do and has written a book about her experience and having a micro preemie, who is now a toddler.

Of course this week's (year's/decade's) biggest launch is Harper Lee's "Go Set a Watchman", which is also out tomorrow.  The first chapter has already been released, if you want to catch a peek. (I would advise against listening to Reese Witherspoon read the audio version, as it is pretty annoying). 

I'm taking my copy with me out of town later this week.  I'm headed out to NY to see my sister and friends in Brooklyn and then heading out to the Hamptons.  Sadly, I'm just missing the Hampton Designer Showhouse this year by a few days, as it was fun last time.  But I have lots of other fun on tap.

We are surviving the summer of the mother in law so far.  I am truly the most optimistic (or forgetful or delusional, take your pick) person, as I tried to spin the whole thing as a positive.  Now I find out that much of why she came now is that the communal living situation in India is not working out for her and my brother/sister in law.  I guess they and their daughter/my niece are moving out and getting their own place so the big flat that my later father in law spent so much time planning for all of them (and us) was a bit misguided.  Oh well.

The kids are three and a half now and huge (~3 1/2 ft/35 lbs.) and busy.  I'm buying size five clothes for them now, which makes me wonder where my little ones went and so quickly.  They are fighting potty training (yes, still) with all their inherited strong will, so I hope to not be sending them to kindergarten in pull-ups. 

I've also realized that I never shared their big kid rooms from last summer, so time to clean up and take some pics to share.

Hard to believe the summer is half over already, hope you are having a great one.

Early June Saturdays

My grandmother passed away peacefully on Saturday.  Just as my other grandmother did four years ago this week, when I was pregnant with the twins.  We will be traveling to my parents' hometown again for the services, including the funeral mass at the church where my parents were married 47 years ago.  I've never actually been inside, which seems odd, given all the times I've visited that town.  And save for my grandfather's second wife, who we will visit when we are there, I really have little reason to return to the town where all of my grandparents lived for all of their adult lives, where they raised my parents, and then where they lived (save the Army stint) until my mother was pregnant with me when they moved to WI.  The end of an era.

My grandmother was the eldest daughter of ten (five of each), and she outlived them all save her youngest brother.  She went on to have five of her own (my father was the third, though his older brother died at birth, making him the eldest son).  She had a lousy marriage, or more accurately a lousy husband (and father to mine), which led to their divorce soon after my parents's marriage in the late 60s.  She was a divorcee (and a devout Catholic one at that), before they were commonplace.  She didn't have the benefit of an education, but she was a classy lady and is responsible for all the Frenchie I have in me.  I have so many good memories of all the summer days we spent running around her perfectly kept house and yard. Love and miss you grandma.

Grandma G at 93

Me (far left) and my sisters with our grandmother

August 1980

Yesterday, my grandma G turned 93 and also entered hospice, or so I found out when I got up this morning.  We were up to see her over Easter, but then just before we were up again to celebrate her birthday last weekend, she'd broken her second hip, so she was much worse than when we'd seen her last.

Easter goodbyes

She'd broken her first hip the week before our visit at Thanksgiving, but unlike last year, she isn't having surgery to fix this side.  When we visited her then in the hospital post-op, I wasn't sure I would see her again as she was in grim condition, it was very difficult.  But she hung on, she's a fighter.

She has been suffering from dementia for several years and had been in assisted living near my father/her eldest son for those and until this last fall.  She is in a lot of pain, which is being more actively managed now that she is receiving hospice care, but she was very happy that we came up to celebrate and she loves the kids.  It makes me sad that her children are on such crappy terms (my dad is second of four, spread out from CA to WI, OH, and FL) and that her eventual passing will likely bring even greater discord, if that is possible.  She is a sweet person who has had a tough life and I hope she knows how much we love her and that she is at peace here and on the other side.

Summer of the mother in law

I am lucky and have a lovely MIL.  She is sweet and loves us and lives on the other side of the planet.  She came to live with us for a few months after the kids were born (which is Indian de rigeur) and is now coming back on Monday for the first time since then and staying until October. It's her third long visit since I've been around, the first was when she came w/my late FIL for our wedding here.

Now that the kids are bigger and "easier", meaning I could leave them with her for short periods, we are looking forward to what this will mean for all of us.  Lots of home cooked Indian meals for DH, more date nights for us, re-imagining the kids summer schedule to spend more time w/grandma, and maybe thinking about trying to go back to work for me (contrary to plan, I haven't worked outside the home/for money/on my own in four yrs.) and if I do then hiring a nanny (so they can spend time w/grandma, but have someone to care for them full time and cart them around since MIL doesn't drive).  DH is looking at new projects for the business, so it's going to be a busy summer.

We thought about getting a minivan, since each of our vehicles really only carry the four of us (the twins moved to Pinnacle car seats a few months ago, which are great but huge and take almost the entire back seat), but figure we will likely rarely all go out together, that we'll just take both cars or rent when needed.  I learned to drive in a minivan and have nothing against them, it just seems like an excessive amount of space, since so much of the time it is just the three of us (the kids and I) tooling around.

We have yet to finalize our summer travel plans, but we may all go out East (Maine is up this year, which we love), or more likely now since MIL will be here just do a family beach trip to Michigan and I will go out East (to see my sister in NYC et al) by myself.

We recently met Alistair's first girlfriend at a concert at the library. ;)

Getting their grooves on...

We went to the first outdoor Green City Market of the spring.

Thank goodness for dandelions...

The kids had their first silhouette portraits drawn recently, which I've been waiting for them to be big enough to do (they need to be able to sit for a few minutes, but they also have to outgrow some of the normal baby face chub for it to look like anything).  They did great!  Mother's Day gifts for me and my mom done.  The artist, Terry Bramble, has been doing them for over 50 years...

 

The finished products... LOVE!  Now to find the elusive oval frames.

They finish up their first full year of preschool next week, but then it is on to camp (which is what they still call school since they started there last summer).  Happy Summer!

The place where time stood still

So we made the trip up north for a longish Easter weekend, which is always interesting.  Like every other weekend, my mom watched my sister's kids (and their dog), while she and my brother in law (and my step-dad) worked hospital shifts.  So a few days into the two barking dogs/six kids/too much chaos for a small house, I had to get out and go for a drive...

Just tooling around, I noticed that the house we used to live in (from when I was 3-8) was for sale, it turns out for the first time since my mother sold it exactly 30 yrs ago.  So we just had to look up the listing and oddly it is almost completely as it was back then. Like a time capsule or something. (A bit of trivia, Ann Landers (Eppie Lederer) used to live down the block in a similar little house when her husband worked for my step-great grandfather. Her sister, Dear Abby, was married to my step-mother’s cousin.) So wild...

This one was my younger sister's and my room.  It was actually the dining room that was converted, with two doors (and a closet to the left), so the house was circular and we could run around it endlessly.  I'll spare you the bright orange carpet from the basement.

But beyond the kitchen and carpet (the late 70s/early 80s may have been one of the worst times for design ever), my mom even put that wallpaper in the bathroom.  I have a million memories made here: playing in the yard and climbing the swing set like a monkey, dancing with my mom in the kitchen, watching my dad in his huge workshop in the back of the garage (pre-divorce), learning to ride a bike in the driveway and endless circles around the block (and venturing the block to dairy queen and the gas station for candy), our friends down the block who had a tree house, and the only years I shared a bunk bed with my younger sister.

I applaud my mother for making this a happy house for us, given it was the years +/- the divorce.  I barely remember my parents being together, as even when they still were my father was usually in the workshop when he wasn't at work.  So when they finally split, life for us (well for me anyway) didn't seem that different in this house.

Part of me understands why people would want to raise their kids in a house they grew up in, but as I told my best friend from elementary school when we ran into each other at the park while I was home, I just can't even imagine living in this town again.  It's a touchstone, but one in a far off (closed off) world forever sealed in my memory.  Kind of like this little white house.

Oh Sister...

I love my sisters.  All four of them. (3 bio/1 step)  They are the only ones I've got, but dear lord can this one test me.  It's December 29th, and I just received a holiday card from my sister Emily.  No biggie, she's got four kids 2-7, she gets a grace period for just about everything.  But check out the address label on the envelope...  It is really bothering me.

I've never seen this before, so I'm guessing this a new kick for her, sharing her pro-life/anti-abortion stance with everyone she sends a card to, but really?   Besides being generally obnoxious (I don't talk about being pro-choice around her), um you know who already freaking knows life is precious?  Maybe her sister whose babies were a four year project (costing many thousands of dollars)?  Or maybe the one who held her dead baby in her hands (4 yrs ago tomorrow)?  Or the one who almost lost her twins and spent four months in bed so they wouldn't die or spend their first several months of life in the NICU?   Oh preacher, meet the choir.  How terribly insensitive.

And maybe I'm a stickler for facts, but given I've actually seen a young fetus w/my own eyes (not on an ultrasound screen), I can pretty much guarantee that a 10 week one does not have feet that large.  At about an inch long total, if feet were actually half an inch long (as above), you'd need to be mating w/Bigfoot.  Not that it really matters, though it seems the whole point of the propaganda laced illustration.

Oh tell me wise one how the size of one's feet determines their value...  What does a size 10 make me?  Wishing I had a big sister with a little more sense...

Lots of Firsts and Holiday Fun

I took the kids to the movies recently, since I figured it was time (at nearly three) to brave the theater for the first time.  And they did great!  We went to the premiere of Penguins of Madagascar, and totally lucked out that the earliest nearest showing was at a theater (I'd never been to before) with reserved recliner seating.  I'd booked us three seats (obviously), but since two were together and the other next to them, we just popped up the armrest and called the two a love seat.  I think it helped them that we could all sit cozy together.  We're definitely going back there for future movie outings.

 

Watching previews and having their morning snack

We had a fun weekend at my parents' in northern Wisconsin, and have made the revelation that instead of going straight up and back, shortening the extended family portion and spending the second half of the long weekend as a nuclear family getaway is pure brilliance and will be part of our repertoire moving forward.  Much more relaxing...

We went to my mom's for Thanksgiving.  I may be one of the only people my age who has never hosted a proper Turkey Day as she is old school and does everything herself.  This will likely never change in her lifetime.  The kids had a blast with their cousins...



Here playing with the girls...

At my dad's farm, we went out to the barn and pasture to visit the animals and the kids made their first snowman! (maybe ever? at least of this year, since we have no snow yet)

We spent a night in Madison and ended up on State Street as the WI/MN football game let out...

We went on to the Grand Geneva from there, our first time there during the holidays.  They have lots of great activities (we're headed back to ski later) and fancy light and gingerbread displays that the kids loved.

Marielle wasn't having any of this sleigh...

 

The kids loved the Thomas show.  It was relatively short and interactive (their first live show) and gave me some serious showchoir flashbacks.  I wonder how much these performers have to take before each show... ;)

Dancing!

Snow!

 

The huge lobby tree

We just missed sitting with Santa there, but we did get to go to the waterpark (their first trip!) 

Next up Santa visit and (their first) tree cutting!

Cape Cod/Nantucket 2014

We've been back for a few weeks, but then we've been away most of August.  Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Massachusetts, and then back to back trips to Wisconsin and Iowa (and not a single new state for the kids among them).

You know you are doing better than you think (and it often feels) when the only big issue on a cross country vacation with two very busy toddlers, one (working on Indian time) husband, one mom/gamma, two sisters and an honorary BIL is something you definitely can't control.  Namely the weather.  I should have known that we'd have rain (over half of our days), since it's been such a rainy summer at home, but boo.  You can't help that you have to book months in advance.  So for those who were wondering what happens after the polar vortex...  It rains, a lot, like monsoons.

But we still had fun, and eeked out just enough good weather to enjoy the Cape and Nantucket.  I hope we can stay longer next time.  I'd love to count it in months instead of weeks.  Someday...

Hyannis

Hyannis Light

 

A and the big boat heading to ACK 

Shell hunters

Beach time!

Chatham

Osterville

 

M showed us she's going to put even my shopping skills to shame

Nantucket...love the Children's Beach

It was so hot on Nantucket, melting...

These two start school again this week (4 days!), they are getting so so big and ridiculously chatty.

So we just missed the President, who was vacationing on the Vineyard, but since I am a political junkie of course there was a Kennedy wedding while we were there (RFK Jr. and actress Cheryl Hines wed in a rainstorm in HP), and former Rep. Patrick Kennedy of RI and his new family shared our fast ferry to Nantucket.

Our rented van ended up being a Chrysler Town and Country.  Not necessary something I'd buy, but it worked out well.  Kind of funny because I learned to drive an automatic on a Chrysler minivan (my parents had a series of them over 20 years), but I hadn't driven one since then.  We got such an amazing deal through Costco.com, it basically paid for itself in gas (30MPG!) and tolls vs. taking two SUVs.

The house we rented also worked out really well.  We filled up all five of the bedrooms, but it thankfully didn't feel crowded.  It had an amazing deck and views of the harbor, though it would be even more fun in better weather.

Waiting for the rain to go away, again

 

Many of these pics are courtesy of my sister, official trip photog, Jen Brinley