End of an era

I'm one month post-op for my total hysterectomy (and just turned 48 last week) and feel amazing. I had been trying to get my OB/gyne, who I'd been seeing since I first got pregnant 13 years ago to remove my tubes, since my eldest sister had fallopian tube cancer at 40 (posted on this day, back in 2010), and I felt like a sitting duck, but she didn't think I needed to. So I'd been toying with changing doctors for years and finally did. My wonderful surgeon asked me about my ovaries and uterus when I first went in to see her, and since she said my ovaries' job had been completed several years ago (at 45) and any benefit to keeping them was over and I didn't think I need my uterus either, I said just take it all. So glad I did! Turns out I had some small fibroids I didn't know about and everything else was fine, if very tired and ready to retire. I'd been on the pill for years, which helps ease the effects of perimenopause, and am still/now on HRT (everyone's favorite estrogen patches) now that I'm surgically menopaused. I've passed the torch to my now almost 13yo daughter. Recovery has been easy, just have to wait another ten days to play pickleball again.

11!

The twins are 11 already! My how the years fly by! They are fifth graders now. They are both killing it at school. They’ve both taken up the cello this year. She’s still into dance and started at a new dance school last summer. She’s trying out for the school musical this year. He is still into soccer as his sport of choice but is also getting interested in basketball. We had fun watching the World Cup. He’s also really into history and gaming. They both like to join clubs at school.

They are getting so tall and grown up. I don’t think I was nearly this grown up at their age. We had some fun trips this year. NYC to visit my sister as always and then summer back to NY and coastal New England. We are headed to Mexico for NYE and early January. I haven’t been in years and it's the first time for the kids and DH. Yay for new countries!

I just published a post I wrote earlier this year about getting another colonoscopy. I did this partly because I now have an old friend (we started our first jobs out of college on the same day, and later became roommates in Chicago) who is fighting stage three colon cancer at 45. She has a son the twins' age and has been having an unusually hard time with her treatment (surgery, chemo, radiation, etc.). She lives in Canada, but spent the first two plus years of the pandemic semi-stuck in Bali, where she obviously wasn't getting good care, as she had symptoms and nobody did a colonoscopy for years. It makes me angry for her.

And on the cancer front, because that's always a running theme, we lost my uncle Gary earlier this month to lung cancer. His wife, Laura, died of recurrent breast cancer back in 2013, and now their two kids are orphans in their 30s. He's the third of my father's siblings, and first of the four to pass away.

Taking Care

Written in early 2022…

Well I survived colonscopy #3 (in five years) recently with a clean bill of health. Man those preps suck.  This is the new routine since I found out several years ago that I carry a genetic marker that gives me a higher risk of colon cancer, which killed my maternal grandmother, though not until she was 94. With the threat of Covid (and worse yet, long Covid) hanging over someone who has already dealt with long mono for over half my life (especially since they just found that EBV is one of the top drivers of getting long Covid, FML), I'm trying to take better care of myself. 

I treated myself to a food sensitivity test recently and boy were the results a surprise. My top problem foods include coffee, almond, and vanilla (weird), but also cow's milk, pineapple, and orange, so the breakfast routine got a bit of an overhaul. If you haven't tried organic oat milk, which I hadn't, it is amazing. It's also cheap at Costco. Score! I never really liked drinking milk, except in coffee, but I'm a cereal girl, so it's kind of part of the deal. Thank goodness I can still have other dairy products, like cheese and yogurt. Let's not get crazy, I am from Wisconsin. I had to give up caffeine many years ago since it makes me feel like I'm having a heart attack, but man I like the taste of coffee. Trying to make a go with decaf earl grey...

Since the whole family was finally fully vaxxed before Christmas (yay!), we decided to take advantage of the extra long break to get out of dodge. A new year's snow storm almost set us back, but we all got on a plane for the first time in two years and went to Florida to get some sun and be able to eat and be outside. We were very lucky and the weather was perfect, though as someone who spent some summers in Florida growing up, I know it's not always the case. I honestly have no idea how/why anyone lives there year round. Unlike everyone we know, we managed not to catch Covid (double yay!!)

Turning 10! End of 2021

The twins just turned 10! They are each five feet tall. Not too bad for two preemies who came home weighing barely five pounds each. 

They are rocking fourth grade. Though she’d much prefer to be in fifth. Their school has all mixed age classrooms, so they are in 4/5. They are out of their braces and keeping busy with lots of activities, even though we are entering year three of pandemic life. 

My unvaccinated 48yo sister nearly died of Covid in the hospital earlier this month (her body was riddled with blood clots, so she ended up with multiple pulmonary embolisms). Her four kids are aged 9-14. Get your fucking shots folks. We celebrated my very last grandparent (my late step-dad’s mom) turning 95 last month. I was blessed with nearly a dozen in my life due to divorced and remarried parents and grandparents and we lost Rita (my late paternal grandfather’s second wife) in the spring at the age of 97 and a half.

Our tiny nuggets are growing up…

Cheers to 2022!!

The House that got away

Happy Summer!! It's been exactly 25 years since I started my first summer on Cape Cod. Boy that makes me feel old. Spending the whole summer (not a week or a month, or just weekends) in a place like this is a whole other life. The Cape is probably more my style, even though my best sister moving to NYC meant I became a Hamptons summer person a decade ago. Ah our first vacation in a year and a half is coming!

I lived in Hyannis Port for three summers in the mid-/late 90s. If I do say so, it was their heyday (post 60s, of course) when JFK Jr. and Senator Kennedy were still alive and out and about. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Andrew Cuomo were still Kennedy adjacent then too. The original Kennedy house in the compound (just west of the pier) is now part of the EMK Institute. Taylor Swift has come and gone. Ethel is still hanging on. Now 02647 is left with the likes of RFK Jr. Sad...

I met my first ex at the West Beach Club while working for a family who was friends with him and lives up Wachusett (they recently traded "school year living" in Wellesley for Jupiter, of course). And with their encouragement, we courted there and at the Hyannisport Club (where Jack and Jackie had their engagement party) and the HP Yacht Club ("the pier", where he was a patron and held court, is infamous for being a weekend paparazzi hangout) and Oyster Harbors with his parents. We dated into the fall, I spent weekends here even after going back to college. September here is the best. He wanted to buy a house in Wellesley and give me his family ring kept at Harry Winston, but I just couldn't. Even when his "friends" tried to talk me into doing it for the hundreds of millions. We decided, begrudgingly on his part, to be friends instead. So I kept visiting for years after. I remember the morning after JFK Jr.'s secret wedding in Georgia, because they never could have pulled it off here, when he told me about his friend finally getting hitched (they were the same age and grew up here together).

The ill fated Kennedys w/Friday at the pier in the mid-90s, 

they would die just off the Vineyard in 1999 after less than three years of marriage.

My ex-boyfriend passed away last August, after his mother in 2011, and his only brother in 2010. His father is in his mid-90s and lives in Miami. Not surprisingly, he's just put the family summer home (since the 60s) on the market. It's been mostly untouched for decades (that's how the old money rolls), save the new kitchen, this is just how I remember it. (and of course it closed on my birthday...)

The house is named "El Bajareque" (the shack, ironically, sort of) overlooks Nantucket Sound with a big yard sloping down to the Rose Kennedy memorial, Fortes Beach, and the Yacht Club. I would have married his parents if I could have. Though they probably wouldn't have wanted us to buy our own house here, it would have made them "look bad," as this was meant to be passed down. Loved them even if they were a bit too conservative for me. Very Cuban and Catholic (the latter of which HP became a haven for when the Kennedys moved here in the 20s, because the HP club was one of few that admitted Catholics at the time), so I stayed over in the guest room when they were there. A few of his cousins still have houses there. His father's great-grandfather founded Bacardi and the family still owns and runs it out of Miami, Bermuda, and Puerto Rico (since their exile from Cuba the year my ex was born.). He and his brother were adopted, because that's what even wealthy infertile couples did in the 1950s. I never met his brother, he was by then a persona non grata to all but his mother, another HP raised addict, a victim of Fessenden abuse, like so many others. My ex was the "good son" even after getting tossed from Exeter. He redeemed himself at Georgetown and beyond. May he rest in peace.

I spent so many hours on that porch... Ah the memories...

Another hot property on Oyster Harbors (formerly Bunny Mellon's) that has recently hit the market... (and also sold end of summer)

Studying my own family's history, they owned large swaths of the Cape (from Yarmouth to Falmouth), as they (the Hatches) were the first white settlers to buy land from the Indians in the 1600s, so I'll be back...

So it's September...

Which is my favorite month by far, but it's been a crazy year for us all. I started a post back in the winter about the seemingly pressing issue (at the time) of the kids trying to qualify for gifted and magnet programming (she did, he missed it by a hair, oh well, it's almost time to test again). Little did we know school as we knew it would be ending soon.

I took the kids on a great trip to Boston for President's Day weekend when things with Covid were starting to look hairy and then the shit really hit the fan. We stayed at the Seaport and the Boston outbreak really took off the week after we were there. Our planned trips to NYC for Spring Break and Nantucket this summer unfortunately couldn't happen safely.

The kids have been home for six months (now two weeks into 3rd grade) and for the foreseeable future, ditto the working husband, and my work project got put off in early April (and just got green lit again today for next month!), so I've been experiencing my very first taste of compensated unemployment, yet not at a lack for seemingly endless things to do. 

We found a new (to us) house in April near our old one and then moved in in June. We bought it from a lovely old lady whose late master carpenter husband built it with his friends 50 years ago and they raised their six kids here and (bless her busy perfectionist heart) she had the whole house completely redone to sell it (so I didn't have to!). We were thinking of building new, out of desperation, but I didn't think I (or our marriage) would survive that many decisions. I couldn't talk the kids into changing schools where we are all happy and the hubs didn't want to relocate either. It's rooms and closets are bigger and it has an amazingly huge yard, which is hard to find in our built up suburban area, and it's been a wonderful change, especially given all the time we've been spending at home. Now we just have to sell our old one of 15 years... 

Where the hell does the time go? A decade ago I was still trying desperately to get pregnant. 25 years ago I graduated from high school and moved to Boston and left Wisconsin forever. My first boyfriend from my new life in Boston just died a few weeks ago. My college bio classmate Maeve died in April, along with her 8yo son. Yeah these are crazy times. We are all still healthy, thank goodness, and my family is going crazy not being able to come see our new place.

The kids have done great with their upper expanders (now out after a long delay, they were due to get them out the day everything shut down), now a retainer, and lower braces. And the lowers come off in a just a few short weeks. We thankfully didn't lose any treatment time even with three plus months of no adjustments.

It has just started thankfully cooling down after yet another record setting hottest summer ever. It felt like a very long sweaty hotflash. Next big project is putting in an inground pool (next spring hopefully).

He's not even taller than her, they are both 4'9" and climbing, it's just hair...

Watch out THIRD GRADE!

Braces: the 30 year rewind

I first got braces some 30 years ago (when I was 12) and had them for 2 1/2 years. The old school metal kind with the headgear (aka the devil), the whole deal. It was painful and generally bad, particularly because junior high/middle school (we had a conversion at 8th, so I got out after serving two, thank goodness) sucked, but I'm thankful my parents (who didn't have money to throw around) got them for all four of us because they thought it was important (thanks mom and dad!). I wore my retainers for a long time, but they would break (I apparently clench/grind my teeth when I sleep) and since I no longer live in the town where I grew up (hallejuah!), I stopped getting them replaced at some point, I don't even remember when.

So I had noticed that my teeth, mostly my front lowers, had shifted a bit over time, as happens. I had thought about getting them fixed, but it wasn't a high priority in the whole scheme of things. As I noticed one tooth was wearing because of misalignment, I figured that was my sign to do something. I've had this ridiculous desire to die with all my teeth (hopefully in old age) and so far I'm cavity free (it's the little things).

I had gotten a quote for Invisalign from my dentist a couple of years ago, but then didn't do anything. I decided early this year to go to Smile Direct Club and check it out and when they came back with a quote that was the same, but with no dentist visits, I decided to go for it. When I got my plan it was longer than I'd hoped, eight months, but the time goes by.

My only complaint is with invisible aligners, you have to wear them 24/7, except when you are eating/drinking something other than water. As someone who likes to eat small meals and nurse an iced coffee or latte for hours, it's been a big adjustment. You have to brush every single time you put anything in your mouth. Don't be like the guy my dentist told me about who drank black coffee with them IN for months, making his teeth black. They were able to clean them, but that's nasty.

Of course since I got mine, they came out with a night only program (same price, longer treatment), which I would have done instead in a heartbeat. I'm officially done this weekend, but have to wear them at night forever now, or revisit my crooked fate once again.

Just in time for the kids to get their braces next week!

Who’s a shitty blogger? (2018 wrap and dump)

I don’t really do New Year’s resolutions, but I should probably make one to do a better job documenting our lives. I completely skipped blogging in 2018.  Oops. Life is pretty good, but busy and exhausting. I should try to make this blog more than the year end letter I never actually write (until after the fact) or send to anyone.

We just got back from three weeks in India, our first visit in five years. My brother and sister in law had another baby last spring (a boy), so after avoiding the trip for several years (we went last after their daughter was born), it became unavoidable, even though I fell deathly ill last time and was avoiding it like another plague. My mother in law last came to stay with us three years ago, so we were a bit overdue. I don’t dislike it there, it just doesn’t seem to agree with sensitive Northern European/Midwestern constitution unfortunately. I was less sick this time than I usually am there, so that’s the good news. Yay for expensive new prophylactic antibiotics! The weather was lovely in Nashik (if a bit cooler than usual at night) and the kids had fun. It’s just kind of boring, as I spend a lot of time sitting around.  I made sure to bring some books to catch up on my reading, which was good, except that there isn't anything else to do. Many of his relatives don’t speak English, which is isolating. One of his many cousins happened to get married while we were there, so that was fun for everyone. Indian weddings are crazy.

Thankfully, we booked our last week to be just us four in Goa, which is a beach resort down the western coast and a former Portuguese colony. I felt like a heel leaving his family for a vacation in India, but we needed it, badly. We stayed at a fancy resort on the sea and ate way too much.

I went out to NYC in the spring to visit my sister, and of course it was monsoon season (per usual). After sixish years in Brooklyn, they finally moved to the Bronx to be near her NYPL branch and because they needed more space since her new husband’s adult son is now living with them (long story). I managed to injure my hip somehow (I always walk dozens of miles when I go), and that has sort of been plaguing me since. I went to an orthopedist (for the Bears, hello overqualified) and of course it’s another mysterious unexplainable problem, so I did many weeks of PT, which helped, but it’s still not great. Besides being annoying, it has also affected my mobility enough to contribute to gaining a good ten pounds, which is making me crabby after being the same weight/size for decades, including for years after having the twins.

It probably also didn’t help that the initial injury coincided with my first/only failed foray into anti-anxiety meds, which I’d started the previous year and my Dr. tinkered with unsuccessfully for months. They did nothing. So while I should be exercising to help not be a nervous hot mess, I have pain simply walking. My problem hip is my left where you may recall I spent four months residing back in 2011. Payback time isn’t a good time.

We took my mom and eldest sister with us on our summer vacation to the Hamptons this year. My mom has been doing a lot of genealogy research the last several years, since she left her job as a nurse to be a caregiver for my grandma, then my sister, and her grandkids, and most recently my late step dad. Unfortunately most of it since she lost her mom, who would have gotten a real kick out of all she’s found. She had mentioned the previous year when we were there (without her) that we had some connection to Shelter Island (which none of us had ever been to), but didn’t elaborate until we got there this year.

Well it turns out, across the shortest ferry ride, we had ancestors who owned the whole flipping thing!? We went together to visit Sylvester Manor, which is still there even though most of the land was sold long ago. And that was just the beginning. So the big news is I’m now working on a book on our Brinley ancestors who also owned huge swaths of Newport, RI, Boston, and NJ from the 1600s, because why not take on a ten year project. It gave me some serious direction and work for my September solo trip to New England, which I likely would have taken anyway, but was pretty mind blowing. Planning on NY/NJ next, with England to come.

I literally used to walk every day past Boston’s King’s Chapel cemetery (its very first), from one crappy job to the next, where my ancestors were buried and have a historical plaque proclaiming them “the richest Bostonians of the 18th century” (turns out their portraits are hanging in the Met for crying out loud), and a couple generations back further (to the immigrant one) were the same for the 17th. Just three centuries of Harvard guys. Well that’s about 25 years too late a discovery to be helpful to me. Oh well.  I used to row early morning crew on a river named for the King of England who my 10th great grandfather worked for. Remember I was a scholarship student, whose family barely went to state schools, and thought I was crazy for picking up and moving to Boston. How’s that for mind blowing? Oh and they are also my familial link to the current British royals (via the late Queen mum).

Sagar started a new job in late September, which seems to be going well. The whole process took awhile, but I think it's better. He was done after nine years at his old firm, which was well past ridiculous. The new one is a great firm where he is building their public practice from scratch. It's big time and I'm super proud of him. Of course they also offer market leading infertility benefits, and irony is never lost on me. Too old for that shit, but it did cross my mind for about a nanosecond.

I also turned 42 in late September, which should/would have otherwise been an uneventful Monday. But that morning, my boss/client/whatever you want to call him called me at 9am right after I’d sent him an update email on our project to tell me the evening before his wife (of nearly 30 yrs) had stepped in front of a train. He was still reeling and waiting for their three grown kids (b/g twins + another daughter) to arrive home from all over to be with him. Talk about sad. I had only met her once briefly when they hosted a party for the team at their old home in Barrington Hills back when he was my CMO. I didn’t know she had a PhD and was a clinical psychologist. Just goes to show that you can “have it all” (and be a mental health professional) and still have and succumb to serious mental illness. He is the nicest guy (and basically my professional benefactor, as I’ve been able to work from home on my own hours making beaucoup bucks for the last three plus years because of him), and I’m just glad I was in a position to completely take the project over, so he had one less thing to worry about. Probably one of the saddest funerals I’ve ever been to, and for someone I didn’t even know. I just can’t imagine. Now I get to feel guilty for having my best year yet, and for making a bunch of extra money because his wife killed herself. Mostly using it to travel, which it seems she would have liked.

The twins just turned seven, though as always, the celebration is a month long as their big party was later in January, after all the holiday/break craziness dies down. They are both loving and doing great in school (1st grade), though I’m already worrying about fall when their regular trimester testing will determine if they get tracked for the magnet program (at yet another elementary school for 3rd-6th, and our neighborhood middle for 7th-8th), gifted (at their current/each school), or regular acceleration (which they have now).

She is consistently on track to qualify for magnet (98%ile or higher for both math and reading), while he is right on the cusp for the gifted program (95%ile plus). These are the same kids who didn’t do much “on time” folks, in case you are wondering how relevant most milestones are. So now I’m faced with separating them potentially (worst case), and while they have been in separate classes for three years (and separate preschools back in half day pre-K), it's not the same as a separate school, I'm not thrilled with the prospect. I wish they could stay where they are and get what they need, at a school of our choosing, though the magnet school is another great school of choice (it’s thing is Mandarin immersion, though I don’t know yet if the magnet kids automatically get into that program or not). Two schools with two different schedules (ours now is late start) on two different buses, on different ends of town isn’t ideal. We could move to get him into the school, though that would likely separate them for junior high, and feeds to a different high school, or I could apply to them as a choice school, but the decision would be due before she finds out. Ugh. Maybe we’ll be cramming for 2nd grade testing this summer like a bunch of fools. They don’t send a new group into each program until 5th, if they don’t make the cut for 3rd.

Finally took them to the pedi for their 7 year visit now that we are back and they are continuing off the charts tall. Operation try to chub up the kids continues.

Hence my main genetic offerings, smart and tall. Rock on giant geniuses!

Obligatory year end post (2017)

Well hello there.  I had started a back to school post back in September, but then life got really crazy and it didn't happen.  The kids are doing great.  They just turned six and they are growing like weeds and losing and growing teeth right and left, and loving their new school.  We seriously won the lotto.

We lost my step-father in mid-October at the age of 64.  I still haven't fully come to terms with his passing, as it was very sudden at the end.  He was cruising along with his (stem cell inhibitor) clinical trial and chemo (though he'd lost a lot of weight) and then in late August, he got his first bad scan since January (when he first got into the trial).  This indicated that his aggressive cancer was not going to cooperate and since a bad scan gets you kicked out of a trial (insult meets injury), he wanted to qualify for another (this one immunotherapy) at Mayo, that he got into in September.  But it was sadly already too late.  He was willing to do whatever he could to get to watch his grandkids grow up.

We got to be there at the end.  It was eerily like my grandmother, who passed when I was pregnant with the twins, though she got an extra 30 years.  Within a few hours of our arrival, he was gone.

Dave became my step-dad when I was 8, a role he took seriously for the second half of his life and the vast majority of mine.  He loved us like his own, which was no small feat.  He saved us.

He met my mom when I was my kids' age and starting kindergarten and she was starting her new life.  She's doing as well as can be expected.  We just took her and my eldest sister on vacation with us, which will likely be how we do it for awhile, maybe forever.

It's overall been a pretty shitty cancer year for us.  My brother in law lost his dad and my step-mom lost her mom (both to metastatic liver cancer), and I lost a 40 year old high school friend and the twins' best friends lost their grandma who we saw every week at dance (both to metastatic esophageal cancer).  My kids have been to more funerals just this year than I did in my entire childhood.

I had my best year professionally since I went out on my own, but now that the kids are in school full time, I'm thinking of going in-house full time.  I will never be satisfied.

Speaking of that, we finally went to see Hamilton for our November anniversary. It was great.  Get the soundtrack, it's at least half the experience.

Wait for it

Death doesn’t discriminate
Between the sinners
And the saints
It takes and it takes and it takes
And we keep living anyway
We rise and we fall
And we break
And we make our mistakes
And if there’s a reason I’m still alive
When everyone who loves me has died
I’m willing to wait for it
I’m willing to wait for it

Well hello...Summer

Summer seems to start earlier every year, so we've been trying to make the most of May.  My step father is still fighting his cancer, and undergoing chemo and his clinical trial, but since he is still feeling ok (and his latest scan, the week of my sister's wedding, showed his aggressive tumors are shrinking), we decided we should all take a little trip together. 

We went over to Holland, Michigan for the final Tulip Festival weekend and had a great time.  The weather was amazing, which made up the many of the flowers being past prime (again those earlier summers).  Our twins found two random flowers all alone and we declared them the twins.

The kids finish up preschool (forever!) next week and then their fourth year of summer camp (now up to four hours/day, yay!) starts right away, which is great because I've been keeping busy with work (my biggest project yet, a repeat of one I did last spring, but this time I'm doing it mostly myself).  It should wrap up at the end of June and then we are headed back to the Hamptons for the week of the Fourth, since back to school (kindergarten!!) events in mid-August required a rescheduling of our usual vacation time.  No showhouse for me this year, as it starts in late July. :(

The kids are doing great and while it's been crazy, I'm so glad that they each got to go to their respective schools this year.  We've met tons of new friends and are super excited about our new school. They will be in different classes since they always separate sibs, but they are old pros and will have some things together, including the bus rides.  They will be 5 1/2 in a few shorts weeks.  The time does fly my friends.

I'm working on figuring out what to do with myself come September when the kids are in school full time (~9-3 plus bus time).  I may do contract work while we get used to the new schedule, or if something great full time comes along, I may do that.  Anything to avoid all the home projects that still don't get done with kids in school just over two hours a day.  Ack!  I'm really not looking forward to finding someone to come help us in the afternoons/evenings (see also: why I'm still a SAHM) for when the kids get home, making dinner, watching them until we get home.  Ugh, time to bit the bullet after I procrastinate most of the summer.

Happy Memorial Day weekend!  Happy Summer!

2016 Highlights

The year has been a busy one for everyone in our family.  It's been good for us, but rough having both DH's mom and my step-dad with severe health issues, especially since they aren't nearby.  Fortunately, DH's mom seems to be recovering, while my step-father's cancer has now spread to his liver and chest cavity.  He is pursuing another round of chemo, but unfortunately he likely has months to live.  We spent more time than normal in the last several months up in WI spending time with my step-dad and in turn the kids' cousins and all the grandparents.

The kids switched preschools from the spring, and are now in two different ones since the fall (and we're contemplating moving him to hers), though they went back to the same summer camp for the third year.  They kept busy with all kinds of new activities: dance for M (which she started last fall), and soccer and tennis for them both together (though he started first alone w/a buddy of his), and tae kwon do for A.  They've made some really good friends (which makes the idea of moving even less appealing) and we are thankful for that.

When I finished up my big FT onsite work project last December, while balancing interviewing for another FT job that I didn't end up taking, we did birthdays, Christmas and ran off to Florida and I had no idea what the future held.  Then this year, I've been lucky to have several work at home projects which have kept me in the game.  Thanks to my friend (and patron saint of SAHMs) John Parker, who so astutely observed, I'm still making my own rules.

Amazing sand, but red tide sucks

DH is surviving his company's reorg, while turning down his boss's job (a long time friend who he worked for in his last/first job and got in there), who is still hanging on.  He was in talks to purchase a company from a colleague who wanted to retire, but the terms were less than advantageous, and then he decided not to sell it yet, so we'll see what happens.

Marielle's big recital on May Day (which is a big day for me since it was when I found out I was pregnant with the twins), she was front and center and did great!  Sadly, she'll miss next year's as it is the same day her auntie Jennie and uncle Gary are getting married.

Some of their best friends are another set of boy/girl twins, who are exactly six months younger, who we met through dance class.  Their mom is now a good friend too and their dad is a battalion chief at a nearby town's fire department, so they got invited to march in the town's 4th of July parade, which was a big hit.  The firehouse had quite the spread and activities for the kids and it was an amazing day.

Ava and Blake turned four and had a great party in the blazing heat of summer

DH and I had an amazing 10th anniversary/40th birthday trip to Savannah and Hilton Head.  It's like all the stress falls away when you aren't immediately responsible for little people.  I look and feel so tired most of the time otherwise.  We stayed at the Andaz and would highly recommend it and the town for a getaway.

My babies are getting so big and so grown up.  They are so goofy and smart and sweet.  They are everything I could have ever imagined and more.  They are both rocking pre-K.

This was after their very first tennis lesson, where they were both screwballs, but she spent much of the time with her tennis dress up over her head.  Sweet jesus, that's my girl! ;) (shorts from then on)

For the first time since 2011 (when they were in my belly), when I waited at the bottom while DH climbed to the top of Montauk light, we took them out to the very end of Long Island.  We found out when we got up there that M doesn't care for heights, which is why she is still unhappy in this picture.  Getting us all in one picture is feat, looking at the camera and smiling is the holy grail.

I had two cousins get married this year (another one and my sister are up next spring), and one reception was at Ripon College (which was lovely) and the other was in a fancy event barn in Indiana's Amish country.  We had a fun, even though my immediate family couldn't attend this one due to my step-father's cancer treatments.

Grumpy Rapunzel and the Happy Astronaut

Fun in the leaves

First snowman of the season

Trip to Milwaukee Art and Children's Museums

My boys

These two...

New Favorites - 2016 edition

I thought I'd share a few things that made this year better, easier, more interesting... (in no particular order, and I'm sure I'm forgetting lots of things, but my 40 yo brain is a sieve...)

1) Red Thread Good Cold Brew Coffee: 
I discovered this by accident on our trip to the Hamptons this summer. In Sag Harbor, where we hadn't been since 2011, there is a little shop (near the new Jayson Home summer outpost) called Sylvester & Co. (a "modern general store" owned by interior designer Lynda Sylvester).  I stopped in since I saw the sign for coffee and it was amazing.  They serve it hot and iced in their café and while I prefer the latter, I'm still enjoying it this winter hot.  By some strange coincidence, her other shop is in Savannah, so we went there as well the very next month. (FYI: she just announced she is closing her Savannah store)  Thankfully, you can order the beans or cold brew concentrate (which I highly recommend) online from her site.  My fave is Dreamy Decaf (which has a bit of chocolate in it).  I'm considering investing in her retail expansion.  Exciting times for this cool company! Bye bye Starbucks...

2) Lavender ice cream from Leopold's Ice Cream:
This is a seasonal flavor from the famous Leopold's in Savannah, GA, where they've been making ice cream since 1919.  I can't even explain how good it is.  Just trust me.  You can order their ice cream online, but only when in season (which is April and September for lavender).

3) Hamilton (the Broadway show, the PBS documentary, the soundtrack, the mixed tape, the legend)
When I was in NYC in last summer, Hamilton was still in previews and the President was in town taking it in (we went to Larry David's Fish in the Dark).  Watching it debut at the White House in 2009 is worth the view.  It wasn't really a cultural phenomenon yet, though since several of my friends from college went the high school with Lin-Manual Miranda, I'd been following it for awhile on social media.  The show has recently now opened in Chicago (with a new cast), and soon will also be in London and San Fran, but if you want to hear the original NY cast, check out the soundtrack, which is amazing.  I also highly recommend the Mixed Tape (which is other artists singing some of the songs), which if there was ever something that actually improved on the original...  Both are labeled "explicit", so if you want to listen (perhaps in the car) with kids, which gets me through some days and they also love, you can buy the edited versions. It is a such an inspiring show, and for a history buff, it's great to see so many people interested in it.  It actually got me excited about and prompted me to ask my mother more about our ancestor, Johann Daniel Miesse, who fought in Washington's army.

4) My VanMommy (aka the Honda Odyssey, aka Mr. Blue)
I've already sung its praises and five months (and nearly 10K miles!) in, I'm still a fan. Ugh, recalls...

5) Odd Mom Out
I don't otherwise do Bravo and I don't do reality TV.  But I do do this scripted comedy, which has been picked up for a third season.  It's amazing and hilarious and if you aren't watching it, you are seriously missing out.  I think you can stream all the episodes online. It got me through getting called up for jury duty and sitting around waiting out the day to make my whopping 30 bucks.

6) Out on the boat
My dad is an odd duck. He got a power boat about the time I went away to college (convenient, right?) which he almost never takes out, and since we aren't up north that much in the summer, we don't get out much either.  Well, we spent a lot more time up this summer to see my step-father, and made sure to rectify that this year and the kids had an absolute blast.

7) Last Chance/Nordstrom Rack
I've never been a big Nordstrom shopper (though I love their café), but I finally started hitting the Rack (especially for kids' stuff, Tea, Peek, Boden, Hanna, et al) and now it's like an addiction.  I got M a $300 silk Oscar de la Renta dress there for $40.  We also just got only their second Last Chance Store in the country (so maybe like the next to last chance), where I scored a J. McLaughlin dress for myself for $10. This is part of how I support my Tory Burch clothing addiction, while still being financially prudent.

8) The Inside Track...
Patagonia is one of the only brands where a name label will conspicuously grace my children.  Mine don't advertise for free people, but I make an exception for them.  They donated all $10 million of their Black Friday sales to environmental charities. Typically, I shop their great sales and get all we need, but now a friend of mine from high school is working there as a designer (after cutting her teeth at Lands End), so I am lucky to have access to generously shared discount codes for 40% off.  Let me know if you need one.

9) Bon Iver's 22, a million
Another new Bon Iver album, this one for my 40th birthday. My high school (in podunk nowhere) also somehow produced two-time Grammy winner Justin Vernon (who I didn't know then, as he was four years behind me).

10) 23 and me
My mom's been a busy bee researching our ancestry for several years now (prompted by her retirement to care for my late grandmother), but I decided to spring for a DNA ancestry and health analysis on 23 and me, to see what came back. Because at the end, you know I'm just a numbers person.  Thrilling, right?

11) Wellesley Women of the World
About the time my gen on the Bump boards moved, imploded, or whatever, sometime after the twins were born, I moved on and then happened to accidentally come across all the Wellesley boards on FB, which very happily took their place.  Between familiar faces from the Bump (hi ladies!) and from my college days, it felt like home. I have a complicated relationship with the place (I went back for the first time in several years the day before the election), and it's been one hell of a year to be an alum, but as I like to keep the drama to a minimum and need smart, honest, compassionate women by my side, I'd have a hard time finding a better place to land.

12) Last but not least, The Man Repeller (aka Leandra Medine Cohen) who I didn't follow previously, recently very sadly lost her first pregnancy (from a WTF IVF break) in her 14th week, and her post(s) about it since are definitely worth the read.  This is an especially hard time of year to experience loss (and be dealing with infertility generally).  It's been six whole long years already since I lost my first.  My how the time passes.

Catching Up

So I've totally bombed on the blog this year, like nearly a complete epic fail.  So four months later...  I tried to post about the Hamptons (and separately about their two show houses), but that didn't happen (too many photos and it blew up).  Then we went to Savannah/Hilton Head Island for our tenth anniversary/my 40th, which was hot and amazing.  And I went to Boston for another long weekend, which was cold but great.  The election, and nada... oh well.

My OB/gyne finally managed to talk me into getting my BRCA 1&2 testing done, (since my sister had a young and rare reproductive cancer dx) which I had been putting off, since my other sister was negative.  It ended up only costing me a few hundred bucks, and I'm negative for both, which is obviously fantastic given the prospective treatment plan (double mastectomy-oophorectomy).  Unfortunately for me, they found that I have a different genetic mutation (MUTYH), that triples my risk of developing colon cancer (which is what ultimately killed my grandmother five years ago at 94), which sucks pretty badly.  So in addition to turning 40 and getting another mammogram (which is still awful, but came back fine), I also have to add getting regular colonoscopies (and I already got my first, which thank goodness, was also fine). 

Ironically, much worse than actually turning 40, are the health screeners that will hopefully get me through a few more decades.  Colonoscopies themselves are no biggie, but you have to fast and then slam 32 ounces of what tastes like really bad cough syrup the day before to clean you out, so that's pretty awful.  And how are mammograms still so horrible, like someone somewhere (likely a woman) can't devise something that isn't a torture device?

The kids are doing great and getting huge.  Like I'm going to have two four-foot-tall kindergartners soon enough.  They turn five in five more days. OMG.  So we have... they are in two different schools crazy holidays, parties, birthdays, Christmas, no-break, and up to 40 4-5 year olds for their jumpy house party come January.  And I'm supposed to be starting a new work project, I volunteered and was elected to be VP of his school's PTA, and trying to figure out how we are going to get out of this frozen tundra for a bit.  Thankfully, I put the kibosh on our regular India trip this year.  I just can't deal with being gone for weeks and feeling like death at this time of year on top of everything else.

We finally got around to getting new pics done for holiday cards (better late than never), but we got our first snow storm that day, so we were forced inside his studio.  They are somehow ridiculously more photogenic than either of their parents.

Thankfully, my step father has made it through his chemo, radiation, and now surgery for his cancer as well as can be expected.  Praying for clear scans and as much time as possible for him.

Starting 2016

I haven't been much of a blogger lately, but I have been slogging it out for awhile.  I'm entering my seventh year, though it has been much quieter around here since the kids were born.  It says something about my corporate job (and infertility too, I suppose), that the bulk of my nearly 600 posts came in those early years.  This outlet still holds a place for me that my other social media outlets don't and can't.  Facebook is not a blog (repeat after me) and neither is Pinterest or even Instagram.  And since I'm not selling anything over here (or anywhere), I have a little bit of a different take on each.

I'm finally getting around to reading "Quiet", which is amazing so far.  (Introverts unite!)  And looking forward to finishing it, so I can start on "When Breath Becomes Air" (you can read about it more on Cup of Jo and in the NYT) and then "We Should All Be Feminists" and "Between the World and Me".  One of my goals this year is to read more books...and actually finish them.  I've long been the queen of leaving books unfinished, and being on all the time for two busy preschoolers surely doesn't help.

The kids are doing great and we're all keeping busy.  We've done all sorts of classes over the years, but now we are trying to settle into a sport (dance for her since last fall, t-ball for him) and an instrument (piano for them both), though we'll mix it up come summer (tennis, soccer?).  We took a trip to the ENT to have Alistair's tonsils looked at and it turns out they are fine.  We are finally kicking whatever virus(es) have been plaguing us for the last few months.  Round and around it/they went...

If you aren't watching the last season of Downton Abbey, the last episode highlights that (spoiler alert!) having an incompetent cervix/infertility and cerclages are not new things.  And that others have had to move all the way to Boston to find themselves... I'm really going to miss that show (and yes I cheated and already watched the entire UK season online.).  Waiting for new Master of None and House of Cards (thank God for Netflix).

We just marked a decade in our house (and me in the burbs, the same amount of time I spent in Boston and Chicago combined), which means I've just now eclipsed even my childhood home for my longest tenured abode.  And we are finally almost done with the things we wanted to do here.  And in a few short months, it will be our tenth anniversary and my 40th birthday, which is all kind of crazy to think about.  So milestones and goals abound...

I still need to put together a post on our warm and wet holiday roadtrip to Nashville and NW Florida, so stay tuned!

Wrapping up 2015

The struggle is real...

Our babies turn four next weekend and we'll all be off to the city for a packed long b-day weekend.  We're actually staying at the same great hotel downtown we did for last year's b-day weekend.  The kids are super psyched, particularly about the pool.  I finish up my consulting project this week (thank goodness), though it has been extended through March, I opted out after my original contract, well I did agree to extend for this week to transition.

We'll spend Christmas at home and then it's off on a family road trip!  Long delayed (due to MIL's visit), but we are off to sunny Florida (the Emerald Coast) via Nashville (both new places for us).  We haven't been anywhere new (we're creatures of habit like that) in almost five years (our first trip to the Hamptons when I was expecting the twins), so it was time for some new scenery.  We are all excited for some non-lake sand between our toes.

So I'm returning to life as a SAHM, after my short term FT onsite project, and after turning down another FT permanent job last week that I was recruited for in Lake Forest several months ago.  It was so ridiculous, it's sad.  I actually semi-seriously considered it for a bit (all that money...), but it served as a means for me to flex my long dormant interviewing muscles (they still work!) and at least toy with the idea of trading non-paid manual labor for a position in senior leadership (Sr Director... of never seeing my kids) at a well regarded company.  I guess after all this time, you could call me an intentional SAHM now.  Only 20 months until they start full day kindergarten.

We're finally finishing up our seemingly never ending kitchen remodel, the only missing piece is the perfect backsplash tile, which so far has remained elusive.

Only a few weeks left until 2016, so excited to see what it will bring.  Happy Holidays!

It's been awhile...

And long enough that I've actually been back to work for a week.

When I left my full time job 4 1/2 year ago, I had no idea what the future held.  We'd lost our first baby and were getting ready to cycle again with our only two frozen embryos.  I'd finished my big project at work and was so done there. And then after my last day, my last grandfather passed away, I went to Vegas for a consulting project (and nearly missed the funeral due to delayed flights), got sick (you'd think it was all the partying, but more likely the flying, stress, and the desert.  It's always the desert, blah) and it was just days before I was pregnant again, this time with the twins.

I never planned to be a SAHM.  That and I didn't know it was possible.  I didn't marry the money, but we'd made decisions that had made it possible, but I didn't know if that's what I wanted and (being perfectly honest) I didn't know if it was/is the best use of my skills.  I still don't know.  I am an accidental homemaker.
 

But this week, I started a six week onsite consulting gig (at my 6-8 yrs ago former employer, holy deja vu, glad I don't work there FT anymore), the kids went to daycare and we all survived to tell the tale.

Mari decided to recycle her Anna costume dress from last year for their preschool party, and she strayed really far in choosing to be Elsa this year.  We are now moving on from Frozen.  Thank goodness.

Our Halloween weather was much better than last year, which was frigid, so the kids got a lot of good trick or treating in.  Up and down and around the block, which was plenty. (that's our elementary school you can see in the background, so yes we may never move).

DH turns the big 40 in two weeks and we'll be going up north for turkey weekend, which will include leaving the twins with my mom (and their cousins) overnight, so we can have our very first solo getaway since before they were born to balmy Minneapolis (my old HS stomping ground and somehow a corner of the world he's never been to).  Baby steps...

Enjoying our gorgeous fall day in the leaves

First Day of School 2015/Ninth Anni

The kids started at a new school last week, which they seem to like, but today was their first "full" day, since they did two hour/half days last week for their classmates who are new to school.  They are on year #3, so they are old pros.

 It's amazing how much personality (and attitude) can fit inside such little people...

Summer flew by too fast, as it always does.  And we packed in a lot of fun, but I'd be lying if I wasn't sort of wishing it away.  Grandma S goes home in three weeks and I get my house and husband back to myself. (call me terrible, I own it).  On a related note, we are celebrating our ninth wedding anniversary with a martini lunch tomorrow, so we can be home to watch the circus live, so that is exciting.  Here's on to double digits!

New Books and Updates

Some of you may remember my post last year about Deanna Fei and the blow up at AOL.  She did what writers do and has written a book about her experience and having a micro preemie, who is now a toddler.

Of course this week's (year's/decade's) biggest launch is Harper Lee's "Go Set a Watchman", which is also out tomorrow.  The first chapter has already been released, if you want to catch a peek. (I would advise against listening to Reese Witherspoon read the audio version, as it is pretty annoying). 

I'm taking my copy with me out of town later this week.  I'm headed out to NY to see my sister and friends in Brooklyn and then heading out to the Hamptons.  Sadly, I'm just missing the Hampton Designer Showhouse this year by a few days, as it was fun last time.  But I have lots of other fun on tap.

We are surviving the summer of the mother in law so far.  I am truly the most optimistic (or forgetful or delusional, take your pick) person, as I tried to spin the whole thing as a positive.  Now I find out that much of why she came now is that the communal living situation in India is not working out for her and my brother/sister in law.  I guess they and their daughter/my niece are moving out and getting their own place so the big flat that my later father in law spent so much time planning for all of them (and us) was a bit misguided.  Oh well.

The kids are three and a half now and huge (~3 1/2 ft/35 lbs.) and busy.  I'm buying size five clothes for them now, which makes me wonder where my little ones went and so quickly.  They are fighting potty training (yes, still) with all their inherited strong will, so I hope to not be sending them to kindergarten in pull-ups. 

I've also realized that I never shared their big kid rooms from last summer, so time to clean up and take some pics to share.

Hard to believe the summer is half over already, hope you are having a great one.

Summer of the mother in law

I am lucky and have a lovely MIL.  She is sweet and loves us and lives on the other side of the planet.  She came to live with us for a few months after the kids were born (which is Indian de rigeur) and is now coming back on Monday for the first time since then and staying until October. It's her third long visit since I've been around, the first was when she came w/my late FIL for our wedding here.

Now that the kids are bigger and "easier", meaning I could leave them with her for short periods, we are looking forward to what this will mean for all of us.  Lots of home cooked Indian meals for DH, more date nights for us, re-imagining the kids summer schedule to spend more time w/grandma, and maybe thinking about trying to go back to work for me (contrary to plan, I haven't worked outside the home/for money/on my own in four yrs.) and if I do then hiring a nanny (so they can spend time w/grandma, but have someone to care for them full time and cart them around since MIL doesn't drive).  DH is looking at new projects for the business, so it's going to be a busy summer.

We thought about getting a minivan, since each of our vehicles really only carry the four of us (the twins moved to Pinnacle car seats a few months ago, which are great but huge and take almost the entire back seat), but figure we will likely rarely all go out together, that we'll just take both cars or rent when needed.  I learned to drive in a minivan and have nothing against them, it just seems like an excessive amount of space, since so much of the time it is just the three of us (the kids and I) tooling around.

We have yet to finalize our summer travel plans, but we may all go out East (Maine is up this year, which we love), or more likely now since MIL will be here just do a family beach trip to Michigan and I will go out East (to see my sister in NYC et al) by myself.

We recently met Alistair's first girlfriend at a concert at the library. ;)

Getting their grooves on...

We went to the first outdoor Green City Market of the spring.

Thank goodness for dandelions...

The kids had their first silhouette portraits drawn recently, which I've been waiting for them to be big enough to do (they need to be able to sit for a few minutes, but they also have to outgrow some of the normal baby face chub for it to look like anything).  They did great!  Mother's Day gifts for me and my mom done.  The artist, Terry Bramble, has been doing them for over 50 years...

 

The finished products... LOVE!  Now to find the elusive oval frames.

They finish up their first full year of preschool next week, but then it is on to camp (which is what they still call school since they started there last summer).  Happy Summer!