What I'm not doing while I'm not getting pregnant...

When I started this little blog, I posted this detailing all the things we did in our first full year TTC (from our unsent holiday letter). Unfortunately, now we are well into our second year, and lately I've been thinking about what I'm not doing (as much) now that we are really in the trenches.

For one, I don't sleep like I used to, which I attribute mostly to stress. I also am not exercising as much as I used to (this is likely not helping me in the sleep dept. either). I also sadly don't spend as much time with friends as I used to. The time and energy I am devoting to getting pregnant, used to be spent in these other (based on our track record, more productive) ways.

The sadness leads to isolation and I find the most helpful refuge in my marriage and family. Don't get me wrong, I have great friends, but none who know first hand what it is like to go through what we are experiencing. I think, in an odd sort of way, I'm trying to protect them from the horrors. But I'm probably not doing myself any favors in the process. I am also not at all focused on my work, which doesn't trouble me as much as it probably should, but it sure makes the days go by much slower. I'm also not drinking, as it just isn't pleasurable anymore.

As an example, this morning I had my blood draw for my 7 dpo prog test. I had to get up extra early (i.e. less sleep, no morning workout) to get to the clinic for the 8am appt. I then got to sit there for 30 minutes waiting for the nurse to do a 5 minute blood draw. In a few hours, I'll need to leave work several hours early to drive into the city for my consult w/the clinic that is doing the acupuncture for fertility study (link). Bonus is I get to pick up dinner from here. Marigold is one of my favorite Indian restaurants in the city.



Anyway, not to get totally sidetracked... Then I get to rise early tomorrow to go to my existing acupuncturist for my weekly visit. Tomorrow night is the big fundraiser, so I get to put on my happy face and fancy dress and try to avoid getting smashed at the martini bar...

City getaway

I SO need to plan another weekend city getaway for S and me. We haven't stayed over since January (eek!). I need my city fix. I love this new hotel. The Elysian.

Arrival


Lobby



Spa


King room w/fireplace :)


A Gold Coast suite


w/balcony...


source: jetsetter.com

Happy Earth Day!

Celebrate the 40th anniversary of Earth Day by doing something (even something small) to help keep it a nice place to hang out.

Four cheap ideas to get you thinking...
-If you regularly get drinks out (coffee, etc.), carry a reusable mug
-If you haven't already, switch to reusable shopping bags and nix the plastic
-Recycle everything you can (out at the curb or give HH items to charity)
-If you live in a house, compost your table scraps and yard clippings

Four earth issues that keep me up at night: Clean water, air quality, waste disposal, impact of hazardous chemicals.

A very long year

As of this month, it's been one year since we first went to see the RE. We had only been TTC for six months at that point, but with my regular cycles but terrible AF's, our perfect timing and advancing age, we were more than eager to get to the bottom of what was (or in our case, was not) going on in there. Sadly we got more questions than answers. Two surgeries, two IUI's, and another RE later, we are not much further along than where we started. :(

I would be remiss to not mention how awesome my DH, S, has been over this long year. He's still wonderful and always my anchor. I am so glad that I married a man who is strong and sensitive and supportive and not some jerk who flips out when things get tough (not thinking of anyone in particular, of course ;)). This is what I picked out (and received) for Christmas...


We have almost exactly as much left to our infertility coverage as an IVF cycle costs with our clinic. $12.5K is a lot of money. And we may not be successful... And then where will we be? A bit older and planning to divert money that could/should go to our retirement, travel, charity, and home improvements for the possibility (a gamble really) of conceiving a child. I would need to be pg before the end of the year in order to have a baby in my arms by the time I turn 35.

Where does the time go?

Lovelies on OKL

One Kings Lane

Let me know if you need an invite. Lots of lovelies today, enjoy!


Dempsey & Carroll Hydrangea Notes


Pur Cashmere Jacquard throw


Oscar de la Renta Island three wick candle (OKL must haves)

Our house = Romper Room

We are hosting my sister E and her brood tonight, as they are out on their first midwestern roadtrip since nephew I was born in January. The last time they visited was last fall (b4 I's arrival), see pic here. I somehow didn't get any pics when we were up in February, I think I may have forgotten my camera... Will definitely get some cute new pics up soon.

Her kids are nephew B (38 months), niece N (16 mos.), and nephew I (3 mos.) We'll be heading back up to WI the first weekend in May for I's baptism. Conveniently S will be away teaching a class at UIC tonight. There is definitely some Veggie Tales in my near future... ;)

Making Decisions

So hopefully the above is what's happening right now and we'll be blessed with a January 2011 baby, but given the last year and a half we are making decisions about how we want to proceed if this once again does not come to pass. After these 19 months, we know little more than when we started about why we are where we are.

Well, we do know that S's sperm is fine and that after two surgeries, my uterus is all clear and available for occupancy. My blood tests and exams indicate that I am ovulating, my tubes are open, and I've always gotten AF at regular intervals. What we don't know if why we are not getting pregnant.

So this leads us to the decision to pursue IVF. We are moving forward early this summer if we are not yet pregnant. This is at the same time terrifying and reassuring (how often does that happen?). I'm hoping for a baby (by 35, preferably), but I guess even some answers would be a huge accomplishment at this point. We have insurance coverage for one cycle and then we will be OOP.

But I don't know yet who will be doing my procedures. My current RE is nice, but we've had several instances where she and her nurse were less than helpful, to be kind (detailed here and here). And while the office I see her at is convenient, FCI's IVF centers are not. They are in HP and the city. My previous RE is very convenient (i.e. across the street from my office), but given her indifference about my septum, I don't know that I feel comfortable going back to see her. There are several other clinics in the area, but they will need to be interviewed.

So there will be much more to come, but we've finally made the decision...