Thursday, February 10, 2011

Bling bling

What happens when the things that really matter (family, health, etc.) are not going your way in any kind of way and there isn't anything you can do about it? You focus on things that don't matter, but you have some control over...

DH is always dying to buy/give me jewelry. It's a huge part of his culture (Indian) and of his family (they are in the biz). As I've said before, this is all lost on me as I'm just not a big jewelry wearer. Small earrings, a simple watch, wedding and engagement rings are my standard daily jewelry wardrobe.

But when we finally got pregnant, I agreed to let him buy me another wedding band to wear with my engagement ring and my 7-stone diamond wedding band. But alas, when we went to the jewelry store late last year to order it, the one we bought five years ago was no longer available. So no ring, and as you know, no baby either...

So the solution was a new watch, isn't it pretty? I like the mother of pearl face, it's a fun little twist.



My last Swiss Army Officer's watch (sans diamonds) was courtesy of me winning the grand prize at the last Marshall Fields/The Knot wedding extravaganza five years ago (and apparently the last time luck was on our side), though I was ironically getting ready to drop the cash on one for myself right before that (I had just bought one for DH for his 30th, so we donated the men's version we won to charity). Mine died completely and inexplicably recently and I responsibly decided to replace it with a much cheaper watch, which made me kinda sad whenever I looked at it (pathetic, I know). So now I have the watch I used to have (with an upgrade) and the diamonds make it jewelry. Here's to buying smiles when life gives you tears... :)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Hysteroscopy #4 scheduled

Well, this one will be a little different than my others, which hopefully will be good. Just in-office, no hospital. But when they told me that there will be NO sedation of any kind, so no need to have a driver (DH), I was a little freaked out. I've had a general for two of them (one was a lap too) and a local (but was completely out) for the other, though these were surgeries where they were actually planning to remove things. I guess this one is diagnostic, which a chance of scraping. It's next Tuesday morning, so it'll be a really early morning. I'm taking the day off. Hope all is well in the ute and we can get this party started.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Let's get it started

Well... what a difference a day makes. AF decided to show finally late yesterday, after taunting me with cramping and back pain et al for days, so I'm throwing a little party over here. It isn't too bad and will be done by the weekend. ::big smiles::

Ironically, it was 27 months ago (almost to the day) that I was last staying downtown by myself for a work retreat when I got AF after our very first cycle TTC. But that was quite different. Not only was I not really prepared, it was the probably the most horrific period I've ever had. The pain and bleeding was worse that anything I had ever experienced, until my recent m/c of course. And I wasn't even late. One of the reasons why we didn't wait very long to see an RE. I knew something wasn't right.

So now I'll be getting my hysteroscopy and the rest of my (and DH's) bloodwork done next week. Then if all is good, we can begin the FET protocol (BCP, E2, P4, etc.) which will last 4-6 weeks. Part of me has a good feeling about the next cycle, but I'll be honest another part of me is petrified that our problem(s) has not and will not soon be uncovered and our journey is not yet nearing its happy end. But I really hope the second part of me is wrong and that 2011 is it for us.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Dealing with Disappointment

The understatement of the century, right? Or maybe just the theme of my life? Rather the program I'm going to tonight at Pulling Down the Moon (featured in yesterday's NY Times) in the city... And late night meeting downtown + early morning meeting downtown = staying over downtown. :)

Description of DWD class from FCI/PDTM:

"The fertility journey can sometimes be a physically, emotionally and spiritually challenging time, particularly when we endure loss and disappointment through miscarriage, still birth or failed cycles. Weakened relationships, loss of hope and/or giving up financial resources can also be emotionally draining.

Seldom is there a forum to help you put closure to these feelings of loss or grief. Life moves quickly, a new cycle begins, we head back to work and to the rituals of daily life, yet sometimes these experiences (or their memory) just don’t seem to leave us. They stick around in our consciousness leaving us feeling sad, stuck, unable to move forward or indecisive.

If you are someone who feels you could benefit by “clearing” or putting closure to some aspect of your fertility journey, please join us for a special ritual.

Using spiritual techniques from the yogic tradition we will first talk about negative thought forms, then proceed to the yoga room for the ceremony and clearing. The ceremony will use symbols, mantra, meditation and prayer to help remove those negative thought forms to help bring about a sense of peace deep within your consciousness."


Still waiting for my body to get with the program... I'm in week six post-m/c, though I bled for the first three. Hoping this is the week that AF decides to show, though I'm guessing it'll be bad, and would prefer for it not to ruin our much anticipated weekend @ The Pen. But we are obviously not in control of anything that happens, so we'll see...

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Living Room rework

Since we were stuck in the house for the last day and a half in this, I got to scheming (when I wasn't working, of course). ;)



This is how our living room has been arranged since we moved in five years ago, which I wrote about here in July.

Our living room furniture was the first thing to arrive (after us) as I had been eyeing it at Marshall Field's amazing furniture showroom on State St. (where I would go and wander during lunch when I worked nearby) since we decided we were moving, and then ordered it as soon as we decided on the house. I kind of regret getting the whole set now (too boring), though I love the furniture. It's super comfy and practical, even though it's formal.

In the spirit of working with what we have, I randomly decided to move stuff around, taking better advantage of our good sized room.



I still need to paint the second Katie table in earl gray to match the first. And hang our painting. We will eventually be closing off the room to the right/behind the screen (the den) to become another bedroom (which already opens onto the hall) when kiddos arrive and replace the existing opening with built-in book shelves.

I think the new arrangement makes the room feel much bigger and gives lots of space (that had been lost in the far end of the room) to the front which opens up the foyer even more.



As you can see, I'm all about not staging the pictures I take of the house. Or getting someone to put up the crown moulding. Or painting the woodwork or hanging the second set of West Elm panels on the upper door yet.

Our "new" art is courtesy of my grandmother. It was the only thing I requested when they were cleaning out her house recently. Let's be honest, it was one of the only antiques not already spoken for by my uncle, mother or sister. And since I've always liked it, (and had mentioned several years ago that I'd like it), I got it. It was painted by my great-great uncle Gabriel Miesse in 1900. Holy cow, right? A real deal antique/family heirloom. In our house. I guess he was quite the renaissance man, a physician, musician, artist... They don't make a lot of them like that anymore. Amazing how much gets lost in subsequent generations... Unfortunately, the frame didn't fare very well in the move from OH. But it'll have to be added character for now.

If I wasn't so dedicated to my spending moratorium (there's nothing like the fear of not having children and also having to stay in a job you hate forever to keep you from shopping), I would also be getting one of these from Wisteria, since I think it adds more visual interest than our current coffee table (which is not a major feat) without competing with what we already have going on. It would kind of blend into the "matching" Simon rug from Pottery Barn (circa 2007). But @ almost $700 (w/shipping), it's not happening. Not now anyway.



Isn't it nice? It reminds me of this... Sigh...

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Lonny, Matchbook, High Gloss (oh my!)

In case waiting two months for each new issue of Lonny is too much, never fear! More eye candy and design inspiration is popping up everywhere with two new online decor/lifestyle mags to satiate the seemingly endless desire for faux lizard trays and ikat pillows.

Matchbook
My fave feature, 50 wardrobe classics (have 'em, love 'em, get 'em...)



High Gloss
In love with the feature on the San Fran Fairmont hotel, note to self: must go and stay there...

Educating fertiles, one at a time (for now...)

Lucy Kellaway on what makes a good employer in the FT... (N.B. British paper, U.S. edition)

A good employer offers more than Botox
By Lucy Kellaway

Published: January 30 2011

Last week, Fortune magazine published its latest survey of the 100 best companies to work for in the US.

As I have never worked at any of them I can’t offer first hand corroboration of the rankings – though in 1981 I did try to get a job at Boston Consulting Group (rated number two in the Fortune list), but was rejected after letting slip in an interview that I had no idea what a learning curve was.

In an announcement posted on the BCG website, the consultancy explains how it comes to be the second-best company to work for in the whole country. “An emphasis on employee development, a collaborative culture, extensive training, high-impact client work, progressive benefits, and a commitment to social-responsibility initiatives contributed to the strong performance,” it says.

This doesn’t sound quite right. I’m not sure what “high-impact client work” is, so don’t understand why employee happiness stems from it. I am sure what “extensive training” is – and am equally sure that it is quite low down the list of what thrusting professionals are really after. As for “social-responsibility initiatives”, I’ve never met a strategy consultant who could honestly say that such things were what kept them in the job.

The magazine states that its ranking is “the most extensive employee survey in corporate America”. Indeed, to compile it, an awful lot of questionnaires appear to have been sent out, requiring the employees to complete a “trust index survey” and employers to conduct a “culture audit”.

Many of the companies that come out top of this exercise turn out to offer some pretty fancy benefits. One company has a clinic that gives staff Botox in their lunch break. Another teaches its employees Zumba, “a Latin-style dance exercise”. A third offers on-site pet care facilities and a fourth makes its corporate jet available to employees when there is a death in the family. A fifth gives members of staff having trouble getting pregnant $25,000 towards IVF treatment. (my emphasis)

Some of these benefits are more alluring than others. If a relative of mine died, I’m not sure that I’d be in the mood to enjoy the corporate jet. And I’m so very allergic to the thought of a Latin dance exercise, I’d pay my employer money to avoid having to take part.

But even if these perks were all things I wanted, they would make no difference to my assessment of whether my employer was a good one. Such benefits, even the nice ones, are all pretty creepy. There ought to exist a boundary between employer and employee – between home and work – and Botox and IVF are a long way on the wrong side of it. (my emphasis)

The problem with Fortune’s rankings – and with all similar ones – is not that the exercise is a daft one. Actually, it is quite worthwhile. It is helpful both to prospective employees and to managers. The problem is that it makes an extremely simple thing seem fantastically complicated.

We all know what distinguishes a good employer from a bad one. A good one provides four basic things. First, it makes sure that everyone has a proper job to do. Second, it pays them fairly. Third, it makes employees feel that their efforts are recognised. And fourth, it gives them nice people to work with. That’s all: there is nothing else.

Fortunately, there is an easy way to measure whether a company is succeeding at these things. It doesn’t involve answering tiresome questions on long feedback forms. It does not require any examination of benefits or of corporate social responsibility policies. There is nothing subjective about the test at all.

It simply measures how long people stay with a company. This is the only consideration that matters. Anyone who is not happy with their job will eventually go somewhere else. If most people stay put for a long time, the company automatically proves itself to be a good place to work.

I suggest two modifications to this test. The first is to ignore departures in the first two years of service – sometimes people are hired who should not have been, and some people have ants in their pants and so move on quickly, however decent their employer.

The other modification is to allow only for voluntary departures. Any company that responds to a dip in its business by firing its workers is not a good place to work. It therefore does not belong in any ranking – no matter how much Botox or Zumba it supplies to employees who are still on the payroll.

lucy.kellaway@ft.com

Copyright The Financial Times Limited 2011.


I couldn't help but send her a little note to let her know how important IVF coverage is (in the U.S. anyway). People in other industrialized nations (including the UK) fortunately don't have to worry as much about it as IVF is typically offered (and # of embryos transferred controlled) by the national health care system.

"Dear Ms. Kellaway,
As a longtime reader, I very much enjoy your column and yesterday's was no exception. I do, however, have to argue with your notion that employers offering (and even touting their) IVF coverage are somehow crossing the boundary that exists between home and work, which as anyone today with a laptop and a Blackberry knows is very tenuous indeed.

Unfortunately, in the U.S. health insurance is most accessible and affordable when received through one's employer, blurring that imaginary boundary. This generally is mutually beneficial, as employees who don't have to worry about health coverage, can better focus on their work. And after one is diagnosed with a health condition, it is impossible to get coverage in the open market. Infertility is a medical condition, but only 15 U.S. states have coverage mandates, and these have many many loopholes.

Speaking as someone who suffers from this heartbreaking condition (as do 1 in 8 couples), IVF coverage is very much a vital part of a comprehensive insurance offering for those who need it, however much it may creep you out. Given the cost of IVF, this coverage can mean the difference between being able to have children and not, which is no small thing and would undoubtedly bring about high employee loyalty (your key measure). As a testament to its value, your friends at BCG offer unlimited infertility coverage (which is obviously market leading and highly unusual). Though if you were able to build your family the traditional way, I can understand how you would underestimate its value.

Keep up the great work!

Best, Kate"

Lucy's prompt response...

"Dear Katherine
Thank you for your message. I'm sure that you are quite right. If I had had the misfortune to go through what you are going through, I would see this very differently. I did not mean for one minute to dismiss the value of IVF by bracketing it with Botox. And I do know how expensive and harrowing it is, and so to have an employer onside would be, I'm sure, a very great benefit.
Apologies for what must have seemed a most insensitive article.
Best wishes

Lucy Kellaway"
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