Monday, February 10, 2014

Something no one talks (or maybe even knows) or wants to talk about...

So by now you may have heard about the tactless CEO of AOL, Tim Armstrong, who has a way with conference calls.  After previously spontaneously firing an employee on a company wide call, he recently announced the company's (higher than usual) earnings, as well as changes the company was undertaking to their benefits.  He talked about the costs of the ACA and how among all their thousands of employees, the costs associated with two million dollar "distressed babies" of employees in 2012 required them to change how their 401K program was funded (which he has since reversed, due to the backlash).


Now a mother of one of these "distressed babies" has written an article in Slate to put a face on their story (full disclosure: the mother is the professional writer/novelist, Deanna Fei, a high school classmate of several friends of mine from college, Drs. Michelle and Veronica).  In reading her story, I obviously couldn't relate first hand, since we knew we were high risk and were fortunate enough to have some warning of our impending doom, and were able to have a cerclage and other treatments (bedrest, progesterone and steroid shots, etc.)  But as someone who has had a high risk pregnancy and many mom friends (of multiples and singletons) who've both lost late term babies and others whose babies survived and spent months in the NICU, I can understand the fear and trauma that this can cause.  It is indescribable.  And then to have your child used as a scapegoat for a lousy corporate benefit decision is inexcusable and suggests that not only did the CEO have info on these families he likely shouldn't have, he thought it appropriate to share it with people in an inappropriate way and setting.

Anyway, long story short.  In reading Ms. Fei's account, something jumped out at me.  She mentions that she had a (barely) one year old son, when she gave birth to her daughter (at five months pregnant).  This means that there was a very short gap between her pregnancies.  This is naturally becoming more and more common as women wait longer to have families (due to education, career, later marriage, infertility, etc.) and then are faced with squeezing multiple pregnancies into a very short span of time, presumably trying to evade AMA (w/ its diminishing fertility and increased risks).

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming her for the awful ordeal that happened to her or her daughter.  That would be ridiculous.  But knowledge is power, and I've been meaning to write for some time about how it is always surprising to me though how often otherwise well educated women who are presumably (like her, with insurance, living in NYC) getting some of the best obstetric care anywhere in the world, seeming are not even remotely aware of the potential impact of short pregnancy spacing on their pregnancy outcomes.  She mentions in the article that, to her knowledge, she didn't have any risk factors for premature birth.  IMO her physicians failed her here by not deeming her high risk.

"But there was nothing high-risk about my pregnancy. I never had a single risk factor for a preterm birth, let alone one as extreme as this one. Until the morning I woke up in labor, every exam indicated that our daughter was perfectly healthy. In fact, had signs of trouble emerged, such as bleeding or pre-eclampsia, the doctors would have had the chance to mitigate the danger, administering steroids to speed up her lung development or hormones to delay labor. Instead, even with the best medical care available, we had no warnings, and we will never have an explanation for what went wrong. This is why the head neonatologist referred matter-of-factly to our daughter’s birth as “catastrophic.”

I can only guess it was never mentioned to her, not once.  It never came up with me, I've only come across it in my own research/reading.  My OB did ask at our 6w postpartum visit what kind of BC we were using, and when I told her, it was the end of the conversation.  Had I said we weren't using any or something to indicate our plans to conceive, maybe it would have gone differently.  Or if we were actually planning to add to our family, as she thinks we should, she would have discussed the risks.  But honestly, I think often it is just considered a personal preference without any potential serious negative consequences, save lots of babies to take care of once (which is actually seen by some as an advantage, since you can get the baby stage over with quickly, and have kids who are close.)  This is too bad since the costs to women/their families, babies, and society (deaths, divorce, disabilities, picking up the pieces) are significant, and not just monetarily.

Studies, especially a large meta analysis done in 2006, show the worst outcomes (which include: maternal/fetal death, premature birth, low birth weight, etc.) for pregnancies beginning within six months of giving birth, but the negative association exists up to eighteen months after a pregnancy.  They believe that the depletion of maternal nutrient stores during pregnancy, extended further through breastfeeding, means there is less available to the baby.  Also the physical toll of pregnancy can cause negative outcomes for mother as well.  Uterine rupture, placental abruption, etc. are all seen in higher numbers.

I think besides not having it brought up by physicians, people just assume since they know people who have children close in age, as we all do, that if they are fine, then yours will be too.  But that is not how risk statistics work, unfortunately. 

And for all my infertile friends, while it may seem like a amazing mixed blessing, now that I've seen so so many of them (even those who were told their eggs were crap and/or their husbands had no sperm) who've had unplanned pregnancies post-pg/treatment while not believing it was possible.  Trust me, it is.  So this is not just a PSA for the fertile.  While it is a common perception that infertility, like breastfeeding, is an effective form of BC, it actually seems in my observations that pregnancy, breastfeeding, and generally being overwhelmed by life as a parent is a great boost to one's fertility, which assuming you have even the minimum of the available equipment, is clearly fluid.

There are a great many things about pregnancy that you can't control, but one thing you can, if you try, is when it doesn't happen.

Mayo Clinic on pregnancy spacing
The Alpha Parent on age gaps (w/links)
Public health resources on birth spacing (CA)

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Let's pretend, shall we?

That we're not merely halfway through one of the coldest, snowiest winters ever, and that it is June. Last June.

Our peonies and other flowers are all in bloom.  Easily my favorite (and shortest) weeks of the year.













We're picking strawberries...


 

And up at Lake Geneva...
 
 
And Ravinia...
 

And The Botanic Garden...

Hope you are faring well this winter. Spring (and Summer, of course) can't come soon enough! :)

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Boden Sample Sales

Am I the only one who didn't know they did these?  If you are on the East Coast (PA & MA, though Boston was last weekend) and love Boden like me, check them out for me, will you?  The prices are about what you'll find in their better sales.  The only one I may have a chance of making is Springfield in June.  Happy Shopping!

  • SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 1ST, 2014

    HYNES CONVENTION CENTER
    900 BOYLSTON STREET
    BOSTON, MA 02115
    10:00am-4:00pm
  • SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 23RD, 2014

    THE PENN STATER
    215 INNOVATION BOULEVARD
    STATE COLLEGE, PA 16803
    10:00am-4:00pm
  • SATURDAY, APRIL 12TH, 2014

    GREATER PHILADELPHIA EXPO CENTER
    100 STATION AVENUE
    OAKS, PA 19456
    10:00am-4:00pm
  • SATURDAY, MAY 31ST, 2014

    DAVID L. LAWRENCE CONVENTION CENTER
    1000 FORT DUQUESNE BOULEVARD
    PITTSBURGH, PA 15222
    10:00am-4:00pm
  • SATURDAY, JUNE 14TH, 2014

    MASS MUTUAL CENTER
    1277 MAIN STREET
    SPRINGFIELD, MA 01103
    10:00am-4:00pm

prices:

  • Women’s and Men’s:

  • Tops: $25
  • Sweaters and Bottoms: $30
  • Dresses: $40
  • Coats: $50
  • Shoes: $50
  • Sneakers, Slippers and Sandals: $25
  • Handbags: $50
  • Accessories: $25
  • Mini and Johnnie B:

  • Tops and Bottoms: $15
  • Knits and Dresses: $20
  • Coats: $25
  • Shoes: $15
  • Boots: $20
 

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Speech status update

It seemed a bit early, but we had our six month status update for speech therapy today.  The kids love their therapist, Miss Katie, and it has been really amazing how much progress they have made in just the last few months.  They are both talking like crazy and using two (and sometime three) word phases now.  We are going to continue therapy for now, but see in three months if we are going to continue (vs. scale back or stop) in case they plateau.  We discussed what happens at three, when they age out of EI, since it is a very long process leading up to then and special preschools, but we agreed they will likely graduate before then.

As much as we all love her, I have to admit from watching the therapist interact with them that she really isn't doing anything unusual, that we don't already do with them.  She basically just sits on the floor and plays with toys, puzzles, and books that she brings.  My sister is an SLP and while it requires a master's degree, it's not exactly rocket science (no offense if you are/love an SLP).  She still can't figure out how to say Marielle's name or spell Alistair's.  Oh well, she's sweet.

 
The (joke of a game) Superbowl viewing party that Mari set up by dragging the mat and Boppys from the living room.  She also thinks she wants to play.  These two crack me up...
 
Another thing we've been using the last few months are Preschool Prep Company's DVDs, since my mom gave us one as a gift.  I had heard of them, but we had been holding off on TV.  My sister swears by them, as her kids watch TV all.the.time.  We bought into the whole "no TV/screen time until two" rule.  I'm all for rules, but I think it's more of a slippery slope problem is if you are using it as a babysitter, as my sister does, or are not otherwise engaging with your children.  I myself was raised in front of the TV.  Anyway, the kids both know all of their letters now.  Not to brag, because I wouldn't really care if they didn't know them for several more years, but these damn things really work, like crazy.  In case you are interested...  We keep a second copy in the car, which helps pass the 20+ mins to preschool (each way, twice a week).  Alistair especially likes to yell out the letters enthusiastically from the back seat.  I love it!    We also just got the numbers, colors and shapes, which seem to be catching too.  They, like most kid's videos I would guess are annoying, but the things we do for our kids...

Friday, January 31, 2014

Happy Year of the Horse

Well the lucky "Year of the Horse" is here and my kids are insane for horses, even more than the other animals they are crazy for (like rabbits, which the Chinese zodiac says they and DH all are), which is saying something.

Last July, we took the kids to Arlington Park for the first time (since I was pregnant, pre-bedrest) on the Fourth (w/my mom and sister), though we spent more time up close w/the horses pre-races then actually watching the races.
 
Waiting patiently, so that we can scream like banchees when we see them...




Later in July, we celebrated Family Day at Oakbrook Polo with my dad.  This was back when Alistair wasn't yet walking independently.  That was a long summer, but one I'd gladly consider taking back now.



 Checking out the Teslas on display (love), which have the fun rear facing third seat (apparently because the founder has twins AND triplets, all boys!)
 
Stomping divots
 With our hands and knees...




We don't live in horse country (or the country at all, for that matter), though we are somehow surrounded by it in close proximity.  Wayne and Barrington are known for their horse farms, though this isn't Kentucky or Wellington.

I rode a bit as a kid, my step-mom/sister had a horse and a pony and my sisters and I took lessons for awhile, but I never got back into it before the kids came like I meant to.  Now I'm looking forward to all of us getting into riding.  DH is also a bit ridiculously obsessed with horses.

Are you a horse person?  Or as they say "horsey"? ;)

Filling the horse quota this week

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Mr. Independent

It's been quite the first month of preschool...  We've had two cold day (as in freezing) cancellations so far and last week Mari started the family on the cold (as in snot/sneeze) train.  No biggie, though I worried how Alistair would do on his own for four hours after only having been there three times before, but it was also a good test to see.  He's never been at home without at least one of the three of us there, not mention out of the house by himself.  But I guess since they are our children and Mari is Miss Independent I shouldn't have thought twice.  He did fabulous, my brave little man!

This is really something since, as DH so aptly puts it, he is a level three clinger.

It is a good sized class, about a dozen cutie two to three year olds, with three great teachers.  The teacher that I spoke with when I picked him up said that when they were playing with bikes (there is a huge separate indoor room for winter play) he looked around a little like he was looking for someone, but no tears.  Their first, and subsequent, drop offs have been uneventful, which was a welcome relief even though we knew they were ready to get out without us, and when we went to visit they took to the place like glue.  I'm so glad we found a place they (and I) really like, finally.

Now we are faced with what to do for fall.  I'm considering keeping them there or going to one closer to home.  And I'm thinking of going back to work, so I'm debating how many days they should go (and where) if we hire a nanny.  And of course, I've also got scenarios worked out for other changes that might be coming.  So complicated, if exciting.  Thankfully they don't have to worry about any of this stuff...  I'm looking at Montessori and Waldorf schools, does anyone have any experience with these?

On the bloggity blog note, we are now beginning year five.  As most people have probably noticed, it seems like I'm not the only one who has less time to blog now than ever.  Even "professional" bloggers, who make money off their blogs, are disappointing me lately, but don't get me started on them.  I follow friends, but generally am finding the whole genre less rewarding.  I try to keep up with updates on the kids because, while I obviously have all the pics on my computer, keeping track of all the little fun things they do are prone to get lost in the everyday craziness that is the life of a SAHM mom of twin toddlers.  How do you feel about blogging lately?  I feel like by killing Blog reader, Google put a stake in Blogger.  Maybe it's just me.  Pinterest, Instagram, etc. are just not the same.

Monday, January 20, 2014

25 months old

It's been a busy month since the kids' 2nd birthday, with Christmas, New Year's, starting school, restarting speech and their classes, converting to toddler beds, and generally trying to get through what is hopefully the worst of this already long winter.

The kids are worse than me when it comes to getting their picture taken.  They usually either run for the hills or act goofy.  Case in point, I have dozens of pics of them both with their entire hands in their mouths in front of the tree laughing, which I've never seen them do before.  What the heck? ;)

They love to play with my cameras and especially my phone (why is it that it takes pictures when it's locked?), taking selfies and other randoms, but they don't hold still when I try to get posed or even spontaneous pictures.  And it's not just because Mari got her first bad haircut.  Oh well, what are you going to do...


We had an especially pretty tree this year, which made me happy since it was the first one I looked at at the KOC, since we skipped the tree farm (again, for the third time) this year because of the cold.
The kids' first day of preschool was cancelled due to the extreme cold we had at the beginning of the month, but this is from their real first day (she somehow found a nuk just in time for pics, SMH...) 
 My chivalrous boy insisting on carrying both his and his sister's lunch bags.  Love them and they love school.

The kids are at the stage where she wants to do everything I am doing and he wants to do everything that she does (we're a great team at emptying the dishwasher), so taking them outside on a snowy day to play while I shoveled the walk results in all three of us shoveling.


Getting ready for Sochi, zoning out to PBS...

Back at class, thank goodness for indoor playgrounds



 One of Mari's more stylized pics, she's getting good... ;)
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