Hormones

...are not my friend right now. Not only am I starving (like don't stand between me and food hungry) all the time, I'm having terrible dreams. Like violent, awful, horrific nightmares. Lovely.

We may spend Thanksgiving at home instead of going to WI to see family (bc of ET), and S has decided that he needs to go back to India to deal with family stuff the last few weeks of the year, so I will be spending my brief time off for the holidays alone/with my family. The timing is such as he has several days off of work already for Christmas and New Year's, and since he is completely out of PTO from September, he can minimize the amount of time he needs to take unpaid. He would have gone back already, if we weren't cycling. My family is five hours away, but they are not easily mobile with my wheelchair bound grandmother and my sister's three small kids.

I'm usually pretty levelheaded (or at least I like to think so ;)), but my drugged out body/mind is already working up scenarios where even if we get pg this cycle, something terrible happens when he's gone (either to him or the baby). I'm not sure how I got to this point where my coping skills are so crappy.

Because I'm a sucker...

for cute baby animals... (these pics were just sitting on my desktop)




and cute baby stuff (and anything Indian...)

the Taj blanket is on its way from OKL... (yes, I've succumbed to buying baby stuff again, even though my "babies" are just follies on a TV screen. Hell, it's progress.)

Like these...


How did I not know Rikshaw Design existed before now? I am in love with all of it. It's the company I would start, if it didn't already exist. Love.love.love.

Bombay


Udaipur


I wonder if the owner of Rikshaw (Catherine Fitzsimmons) is the one who was doing baby kurtas @ PBK a few years back? Hmmm...

Our green house

If/when we build one, I've found one I like, the Carson with addition model from New World Home (the blue one on the home page). If you follow decor blogs or read CL, there has been lots of talk about the New World Home/Country Living "Home of the Year" built this summer in NYC (and designed by Katie Ridder), but if you go to the NWH website, you'll find lots of other fun models for various lifestyles.

We've come to the somewhat sad realization that after five years in a 2,300 sq. ft. house that we will probably not comfortably be able to downsize our primary residence to anything much smaller than this anytime soon, as much as we'd love a bit place in the city, which we are also working on. I used to have all of 400 sq ft. to call my own, but you know what they say about expanding to fill the available space. But we also don't want anything much larger, even if/when we have a couple kids. We just aren't aspiring McMansion people. And regardless of how many eco-friendly renovations we undertake, our quirky early 70's contemporary will never be an energy saving marvel.

And since DH is a LEED guy (certification pending) and I am a designer-in-training (ASID card in the mail ;) ) it might be a fun project, especially given the relatively turn-key nature of modular building, but we gotta get this baby making thing out of the way first of course. My sister and her husband built their green home before they had their three kids, but they did it the hard way, almost completely by themselves. We know this is not for us.

My favorite things about this model: the big/open kitchen and family room (similar to our current layout, only bigger), and a master big enough for a sitting area. Things I would want to work on: bathrooms are small (no tub in master), switching living and dining rooms and maybe opening them up, exactly where to put the garage and mudroom? (on the left for symmetry, or on the back of house, and adding a 2nd story). A few of these modifications have been made on this model built in NY.

A few things I've realized...

1. That I don't like my job, and that taking leave is the BEST thing I've thought of EVER. I was able to spend most of Thursday in bed (w/heat) (see #5) and Friday doing things I actually enjoy with great people.

2. That much more than interior design generally (rendering, dealing w/clients, yada yada yada), I love textiles.

3. Per #2, I'd like to move onto the 6th floor of the Merchandise Mart. I could live there and no one would probably notice, it's HUGE.

4. Also on #2, I need to learn to sew.

5. My period w/o ibuprofen = hell. I don't think I've ever even tried to go without massive doses in 20 years, my cramps are that bad. Why I have no idea, as the teeny bit of endo I had was removed. Those little baby aspirin better be doing something for me, because I can't take both, my stomach can't take it.

6. I haven't been getting out and about enough (with other people who are not my husband). I've got lots of excuses, but basically when you feel like you suck at life (in all things out of your control no less), you don't make great company. We're pretty busy, but I've been in a self-imposed exile, but yesterday was really fun.

7. Starting new meds (Gonal F and low dose HCG) when you are only half awake is probably not a great idea. Pricked finger, bleeding stomach, wasted syringes, leaking vials, half read instructions... Nice start.

Well, hello hello

She's finally here!!! Yay! I get to lower my Lupron to 5 units (from 10) and go in tomorrow for my baseline and start stims. Finally!

My body knew I needed to get through yesterday (my last day at work and my big presentation). It went great and I felt much better than I had on Tuesday, thank goodness. Now I am "off" until after Thanksgiving... So I might actually do some real blogging, imagine that? ;)

So tired of waiting

They had me come in for blood work and u/s this morning since AF hasn't shown her lovely face yet, and I was kind of hoping we could start stims anyway, but my lining is thick so no going ahead until she comes. They have since called and confirmed that my b/w says it is coming and I just have to wait.

I admit that I am not a patient person, and I am so so tired of waiting. Why can't my body cooperate? Please let it come soon.

I'm way past the point of my normal cycle, assuming I know when I O'd (which I think I do). So it's CD 33 and counting. Our ER has officially been pushed back to the week of 11/14, with Beta now after Thanksgiving. I'm supposed to be on leave from the 4th-24th, returning on the 29th, so I'll likely talk to my boss about working from home a few days and taking a few after Thanksgiving.

Thinking about the holidays

I can't believe it's already November. I have no idea where the time goes. We don't even know what we are doing for Thanksgiving yet, if we'll get up to see my family or not. As everything depends on what happens when for our cycle. One thing I do need to decide on is a wreath for the front door. I usually go traditional, and this one from L.L. Bean is a favorite.



But then there is this one at Ballard (but of course, an S) and I thought it might be fun to mix things up.

DH is not a huge fan of it, but he really doesn't care. Too cheesy or not?