We've got issues (to end our annus horribilis)

My mom is now on her way to come stay with me until Monday, after making arrangements (including renting another hospital bed) so that my grandmother can stay at my sister's house in her absence. I'm not sure yet when S is coming home, but he's decided that since all the things that require his in-person signature are done (we now officially own a condo in Nashik, India, where his brother and mother will live, well that should come in handy) that he will try to come home as soon as he can even though I told him to stay if he needs to. Regardless, it will likely be several days before he makes it home.

I am obviously still mourning the loss not only of our baby, but also of all the dreams I had for it and us and the fortune that I thought had finally befallen us after all that we've been through. But I'm also not one to spend a lot of time dwelling on things I can't control and have already happened, but looking to the future and what I can impact to come. Obviously, I'm not in a great frame of mind, but I'm having a hard time coming up with a lot of things going in our favor right now. Some of our issues:

Our age: I'm not sure how this happened (DH jokingly likes to tell me that he can explain the concept of time to me, yet again), but I will be 35 in September and DH is already there. I was just shy of 30 when we got married and had just turned 32 when we started TTC in earnest. Our plan (which seems so comical and naive now) was to have two kids by the time I turned 35, but now we will have exactly zero. The question is how long into the AMA zone do we press our luck? Fortunately, my ovaries seem to be relatively compliant, while not overly enthusiastic.

Our frozen embryos/blasts: There are two of them, but I don't know anything else about their status besides this. I believe they are stored together. I am not really worried about getting pg again, as we know we can, but we don't have a lot of wiggle room before having to do another fresh cycle (see IF insurance).

Our IF insurance: This is relatively simple, it's basically just gone. The last charge for my IVF cycle ($12K) hasn't gone through yet and we have less than this remaining. It's "pended" still, which makes me nervous. My clinic had us pay for our IVF meds OOP, as when they saw our remaining benefits, they knew that they would use them up leaving not enough for our meds. If we have any pennies of our $15K lifetime IF coverage left, it would go towards a FET cycle which would otherwise cost us $3-4K OOP, and then we are back to square one, with absolutely no IF coverage.

Our best shot then is for me to get a new job, with IF coverage. But honestly, as much as I hate my job, am finally getting close to the end of my indentured servitude, and am really good at starting over every 2-3 years, it will take just about everything I have (and maybe more) to even contemplate getting out into the job market at this point. And then I'm just putting myself in a new situation where I'll have to explain to yet more people that we have issues that require me to miss work, but with no tenure or banked time. I am so tired of being apathetic about my work and having yet another major aspect of my life that is so unfruitful and frustrating.

Possible other problems: Probably most disturbing is that it's not just about getting pg again, but staying pg and if there is something wrong with me that will keep this from being successful. I was concerned about our baby when I first got to studying the photos from the first u/s. Why no big baby head like I see everywhere? I actually had numerous nightmares over Christmas that our baby had anencephaly (how I even knew what this was, I have absolutely no idea.) Then I miscarried, which gave me the "benefit" of an up close and personal look at our fetus. The baby's head does not appear to be the way it was supposed to be, which suggests a neural tubal defect.

Since I've been on PNV for three years, long before we were TTC (on top of eating really well), I'm clearly taking in enough folic acid, but the question is, was the baby getting it? In looking into what can impede absorption of folate they are typically autoimmune disorders like celiac (which causes UE IF/recurrent m/c) and things like a MTHFR mutation (ditto). I'm looking into getting tested for these. We obviously don't have the luxury of time or extra embryos to wait to lose more babies, so I have push to get these and maybe other blood tests (and likely pay for them OOP) before we cycle again.