My beta hCG finally came back from this morning, nine hours later... It was 3.9. It needs to be 2 or less to not have to continue testing. It was 11 a week and a half ago. But the nurse said that she will talk to Dr. S and see what he wants to do. She said at this level, she's seen him wait and she's seen him proceed. So we'll see.
So after more than a month, I am still officially pregnant, except of course I'm not. My first beta was two months ago, my last period three months ago. I should be 13 wks... Blah.
Update: I do not have to go back again for additional hCG testing, but just need to wait for AF. Hope she comes soon. :)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Every great bag needs a matching shoe
Since I have a serious (and possibly unhealthy) obsession with and way too many of L.L. Bean's boat and tote bags (check out that monogram in the link BTW... ;) ), when I saw this recently (when my mom was here and dragged me to our local store), I couldn't help myself... ($6, but not available online)
And in keeping with the spirit of thinking warm and sunny and breezy thoughts,
there is new to Sperry Top-sider the perfect "matching" shoe. ($10, plus $2 shipping)
These will just have to tide me over until all this snow melts...
Thursday, January 27, 2011
A card campaign
My family and I really appreciate all the thoughts and prayers for my special sister Sara over the last few months as we've grappled with first her cancer dx and now her new treatment plan. Now that her five month chemo run is beginning on Monday, my younger sister Jen came up with the idea to start a card campaign for her to help lift her spirits while she is dealing with the effects of the chemo. So my sisters and I are getting our cards together so that she gets something from us everyday and rallying as many troops as we can find to help us out.
She LOVES getting mail (she LOVES people and is an absolute doll) and we know that she would love to hear from anyone who is thinking of her and wishing her well. If you want to make her day, please send a card, note, or anything with a teddy bear on it (her favorite) to: Sara G., 2719 Keith St., Eau Claire, WI, 54701. Many many thanks! :)
She LOVES getting mail (she LOVES people and is an absolute doll) and we know that she would love to hear from anyone who is thinking of her and wishing her well. If you want to make her day, please send a card, note, or anything with a teddy bear on it (her favorite) to: Sara G., 2719 Keith St., Eau Claire, WI, 54701. Many many thanks! :)
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Stylish Blogger Award
Thank you Magnolia/C from Come What May for this lovely Stylish Blogger award. I really hope that this cycle is your lucky one hon and am thankful to have met you (even though it was bc of shitty IF) and am so thankful that you are such a great friend.
Believe it or not, I'm actually quite shy IRL, though people who know me well would say not once you get to know me. But on here I'm waving around pictures of the inside of uterus, so it's kind of an icebreaker. ;)
Now for 7 random things you may or may not already know about me:
1) I'm a nerd (but w/social skills). I read the Economist and watch foreign affairs programs for fun. I'm unusually good at taking tests, always have been. I didn't have to work very hard to do well in school. I liked doing Calculus. Please don't hate me because I'm smart. ;)
2) I <3 being near the water, especially the ocean. Maybe it's because I grew up nowhere near it (in the landlocked middle of WI), but it makes me really happy and calm and serene. Someday, I will live on the water again.
3) I have three sisters (and a step-sister), and was raised by my mom mostly, and I went to a women's college (which I didn't particularly like), but ironically I much prefer to hang out with men than women generally. I'm pretty low key, low maintenance, and low drama and they are usually like that too.
4) My life changed forever when I came down with mono in college, at the end of the summer before my senior year. I was working three jobs, commuting between the Cape and Boston, and taking summer classes to graduate on time (since I had transferred from said women's college), enjoying my new boyfriend, and generally ready to take over the world. Then I got sick, and I've never really felt the same since. That was 12 years ago. I still tire easily, and have unfortunately had to adjust my life and career goals accordingly (no grad school, Wall Street or White House job for me :( ).
5) I'm really tall, about 5'11", and I like it, even though it's not always easy being tall in a short person's world. I've always been tall, like I'm in the back row of every school picture ever taken. I still have stretch marks on my legs and hips from my big growth spurt in grade school. I'm also kind of a klutz, and DH is about the same height, so it's mostly flats for me...
6) I don't run, though I was good at it when they made us do it in school. I think I'm missing the gene that makes people want to run marathons. I just don't get it. Everyone assumes I do because I'm lanky and athletic (or bc of how low my heart rate is), but I don't. When asked if I do, I say "only if someone is chasing me." :)
7) I really like to vacuum, and I hate to dust. I could take or leave other cleaning, though I like things to be clean, but I've always loved to vacuum. It's really inexplicable...
A dozen of my favorite uber-stylish blogs to check out (from the sidebar)...
Mrs. Hoppy @ Then there were two
Sulfa @ Close my eyes and Leap
R @ Gum, 2, 3, 4
Amanda @ From here to maternity
Lindsey @ We're Finally Three
Rachael @ There's no crying in baseball
L @ An Element of Blank
Niki @ It's Always Something
Anasara/S @ PCOS: Pretty Crappy Ovary Syndrome
Casey @ Align my heart, my body, my mind
L @ Life through my eyes
C @ The conception craze
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
We finally have a plan
So after much discussion, I think we finally have a plan to move forward. It couldn't come at a better time. Instead of focusing on the week that would have been and our much awaited first big pregnancy announcement that will never be, I'm trying to focus on what's coming next.
When my body gets back in the game (hopefully my hCG next week will be <2 and AF will not be far behind), and we can schedule my first in-office hysteroscopy (my 3 have all been @ a hospital) and then we will do a FET ASAP with our two frozen embryos w/our current clinic.
We finally decided against moving on to a fresh cycle with them (via shared risk) for a whole host of reasons that outweighed the benefits for us, including: the upfront OOP cost ($16K + monitoring + meds), the likelihood that we will not stay with (and didn't want to be tied to) this RE beyond this cycle based on our WTF, and that I don't know if I even want to do up to three more fresh cycles and any applicable FETs before moving on (DH certainly doesn't think we should).
Hopefully our m/c was just bad luck (or caused by something that can be corrected w/another hysteroscopy) and since we can get pg, dare I say, "easily" (like two years and an IVF later easily) that we can again. My RE said that he has no reason to think that we will not have children, but as my acupuncturist said we've just been chosen for a long and difficult road.
If the FET doesn't work or heaven forbid we m/c again, DH is already in talks with his employer to see if they will give us some additional coverage for IF (since we'll have exhausted the rest of our $15K lifetime max w/the FET) as they are self-insured. Fortunately, he has one of his bosses (an IF, IVF, m/c, and now adoption vet) to back him up, and you'd think it wouldn't be that big a deal since it's just a write-off for them, but we are not banking on this. I am also looking for a new job with nice fat IF bennies. Then we would likely get more testing and find yet another clinic (closer to wherever I'm working) to cycle again.
No one should have to mortgage their future for the shot at having a family, and while that is the reality of the current environment, I am certainly not above gaming the system for our benefit. We live in a mandate state for crying out loud (though neither of our employers are subject to it, they are both self-insured), and the last job I turned down (in Boston) before I accepted my current one had amazing IF benefits, before we knew we needed them. So even with this economy, hopefully it won't be impossible. But I've still got to stay on here as part of my indentured servitude until at least the end of March.
When my body gets back in the game (hopefully my hCG next week will be <2 and AF will not be far behind), and we can schedule my first in-office hysteroscopy (my 3 have all been @ a hospital) and then we will do a FET ASAP with our two frozen embryos w/our current clinic.
We finally decided against moving on to a fresh cycle with them (via shared risk) for a whole host of reasons that outweighed the benefits for us, including: the upfront OOP cost ($16K + monitoring + meds), the likelihood that we will not stay with (and didn't want to be tied to) this RE beyond this cycle based on our WTF, and that I don't know if I even want to do up to three more fresh cycles and any applicable FETs before moving on (DH certainly doesn't think we should).
Hopefully our m/c was just bad luck (or caused by something that can be corrected w/another hysteroscopy) and since we can get pg, dare I say, "easily" (like two years and an IVF later easily) that we can again. My RE said that he has no reason to think that we will not have children, but as my acupuncturist said we've just been chosen for a long and difficult road.
If the FET doesn't work or heaven forbid we m/c again, DH is already in talks with his employer to see if they will give us some additional coverage for IF (since we'll have exhausted the rest of our $15K lifetime max w/the FET) as they are self-insured. Fortunately, he has one of his bosses (an IF, IVF, m/c, and now adoption vet) to back him up, and you'd think it wouldn't be that big a deal since it's just a write-off for them, but we are not banking on this. I am also looking for a new job with nice fat IF bennies. Then we would likely get more testing and find yet another clinic (closer to wherever I'm working) to cycle again.
No one should have to mortgage their future for the shot at having a family, and while that is the reality of the current environment, I am certainly not above gaming the system for our benefit. We live in a mandate state for crying out loud (though neither of our employers are subject to it, they are both self-insured), and the last job I turned down (in Boston) before I accepted my current one had amazing IF benefits, before we knew we needed them. So even with this economy, hopefully it won't be impossible. But I've still got to stay on here as part of my indentured servitude until at least the end of March.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Tests and firsts
I just heard back on the tests we had run late last week, much earlier than expected. Don't worry, I requested a paper copy, just to be sure they actually did them. Everything came back normal. Info from here on what we did.
"Autoimmune testing for RPL:
•Anti-phospholipid Antibodies (yet to run)
•Anti-cardiolipin Antibodies
•Lupus Anticoagulant
Note that anti-cardiolipin antibodies (ACA) are part of the group of anti-phospholipid antibodies (the other six are Phosphoethanolamine, Phosphoinositol, Phosphatidic acid, Phosphoglycerol, Phosphoserine, and Phosphocholine). It is fairly common to test for ACA, but a full work-up includes all seven anti-phospholipid antibodies being checked for three markers: IgG, IgA and IgM markers (so 21 different markers in all).
These tests diagnose a condition that can cause mainly 2nd trimester losses due to blood clots forming in the vascular system of the placenta. The condition is also responsible for some late 1st trimester losses, after heartbeat is identified and some intra-uterine growth retardation has been observed.
This is the cause of about 10% or so of RPL. The treatment usually involves low-dose aspirin and heparin."
Other tests we are doing...
"•Chromosome Testing on Fetal (Miscarriage) Tissue - done (normal)
This can only be done right at the time of miscarriage. It is an analysis of the genetic makeup of the fetus. It can indicate genetic problems that lead to RPL. Many miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities that are unlikely to repeat. To know if the problem is likely to recur, it is necessary to study the genetics of both parents as well. (N.B. our testing was just of the chromosomes, not the genes)
•Karyotyping of Parents
Chromosome analysis of blood of both parents. It can show if there is a potential problem with one of the parents that leads to miscarriage, but often has to be done in conjunction with fetal testing to provide answers.
These tests help rule out the 3% or so of partners that carry a "hidden" chromosomal problem called a balanced translocation.
•Thyroid panel (TSH)
Thyroid problems can result in both fertility problems and miscarriage. If a problem is found, your physician will in many cases attempt to regulate the thyroid before another pregnancy is achieved.
•Hysteroscopy
This is usually done under local or general anesthesia. Your cervix is dilated in order to insert a tiny scope which the doctor uses for viewing the inside of your uterus. Often carbon dioxide gas is used to expand the uterus for better viewing. Minor abnormalities may be fixed during this procedure, and it is sometimes done in conjunction with a laparoscopy, hysterosalpingogram, and/or an endometrial biopsy. Timing within the cycle varies -- alone it might be done at the beginning of a cycle, with a laparoscopy it is usually done around ovulation, and with a biopsy it would be performed a few days before your period. Expect some discomfort and cramping afterward, spotting, and some shoulder pain if gas was used. It's probably a good idea to take the rest of the day off and relax. Have some over-the-counter pain relief available or ask your physician for a prescription."
Moving on in fits and starts...
At the prompting of my acupuncturist on Saturday, I had my first steak since the m/c this weekend, though I've eaten other meat in the last few weeks. She said that my blood deficiency (exacerbated by the massive and extended blood loss) was likely contributing to my chronic fatigue and headaches (which my nurse wouldn't let me take Excedrin for). She also started me back on the "Precious Sea" herbs that she had first given me last summer to help build up my blood (one of the only remaining IF meds I hadn't given away). It's silly I know, but I had a steak the night before the m/c and I was still having a negative association that I had to get over.
Also, now that I'm no longer bleeding (finally, yay!), I'm finally going back for a massage for the first time since the loss. I had had my first of the prenatal variety the weekend before it (after my not so relaxing family Christmas weekend), and while I know there is no connection and it was absolutely wonderful, it takes awhile to go back and retrace steps, if you KWIM. Totally irrational, I know, but there is little about any of this that is.
"Autoimmune testing for RPL:
•Anti-phospholipid Antibodies (yet to run)
•Anti-cardiolipin Antibodies
•Lupus Anticoagulant
Note that anti-cardiolipin antibodies (ACA) are part of the group of anti-phospholipid antibodies (the other six are Phosphoethanolamine, Phosphoinositol, Phosphatidic acid, Phosphoglycerol, Phosphoserine, and Phosphocholine). It is fairly common to test for ACA, but a full work-up includes all seven anti-phospholipid antibodies being checked for three markers: IgG, IgA and IgM markers (so 21 different markers in all).
These tests diagnose a condition that can cause mainly 2nd trimester losses due to blood clots forming in the vascular system of the placenta. The condition is also responsible for some late 1st trimester losses, after heartbeat is identified and some intra-uterine growth retardation has been observed.
This is the cause of about 10% or so of RPL. The treatment usually involves low-dose aspirin and heparin."
Other tests we are doing...
"•Chromosome Testing on Fetal (Miscarriage) Tissue - done (normal)
This can only be done right at the time of miscarriage. It is an analysis of the genetic makeup of the fetus. It can indicate genetic problems that lead to RPL. Many miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities that are unlikely to repeat. To know if the problem is likely to recur, it is necessary to study the genetics of both parents as well. (N.B. our testing was just of the chromosomes, not the genes)
•Karyotyping of Parents
Chromosome analysis of blood of both parents. It can show if there is a potential problem with one of the parents that leads to miscarriage, but often has to be done in conjunction with fetal testing to provide answers.
These tests help rule out the 3% or so of partners that carry a "hidden" chromosomal problem called a balanced translocation.
•Thyroid panel (TSH)
Thyroid problems can result in both fertility problems and miscarriage. If a problem is found, your physician will in many cases attempt to regulate the thyroid before another pregnancy is achieved.
•Hysteroscopy
This is usually done under local or general anesthesia. Your cervix is dilated in order to insert a tiny scope which the doctor uses for viewing the inside of your uterus. Often carbon dioxide gas is used to expand the uterus for better viewing. Minor abnormalities may be fixed during this procedure, and it is sometimes done in conjunction with a laparoscopy, hysterosalpingogram, and/or an endometrial biopsy. Timing within the cycle varies -- alone it might be done at the beginning of a cycle, with a laparoscopy it is usually done around ovulation, and with a biopsy it would be performed a few days before your period. Expect some discomfort and cramping afterward, spotting, and some shoulder pain if gas was used. It's probably a good idea to take the rest of the day off and relax. Have some over-the-counter pain relief available or ask your physician for a prescription."
Moving on in fits and starts...
At the prompting of my acupuncturist on Saturday, I had my first steak since the m/c this weekend, though I've eaten other meat in the last few weeks. She said that my blood deficiency (exacerbated by the massive and extended blood loss) was likely contributing to my chronic fatigue and headaches (which my nurse wouldn't let me take Excedrin for). She also started me back on the "Precious Sea" herbs that she had first given me last summer to help build up my blood (one of the only remaining IF meds I hadn't given away). It's silly I know, but I had a steak the night before the m/c and I was still having a negative association that I had to get over.
Also, now that I'm no longer bleeding (finally, yay!), I'm finally going back for a massage for the first time since the loss. I had had my first of the prenatal variety the weekend before it (after my not so relaxing family Christmas weekend), and while I know there is no connection and it was absolutely wonderful, it takes awhile to go back and retrace steps, if you KWIM. Totally irrational, I know, but there is little about any of this that is.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
1st Blogoversary!
Can you believe it? I've been tapping away over here for a whole year. It all started when DH and I went to the drop-in hour of an IF therapist a year ago, the same one who leads the biweekly support group that I'm blowing off this very morning, and she encouraged me to start journaling. And since I live in the 21st century, I figured that meant I needed to start a blog. So here we are.
Now I'm going to bore you with a rewind on what has happened since we started...
Last January, we had just started with a new RE (our 2nd, we've since been to three more), and were getting ready for my much anticipated septum surgery (I've since had another). We then went on to find out that instead of being completely unexplained, we are just sort of unexplained, since DH has marginal sperm morphology (which is not proven to prevent success, but certainly doesn't help). We had another failed IUI (this time w/injects) and after many delays finally got to do IVF, only to lose our baby in the 9th week. So now we are waiting to do yet another hysteroscopy to make sure all is good in the ute before proceeding with our FET. Lord help me if it's not.
So in short frankly we haven't really made a whole hell of a lot of progress. So here's to year two of blogging (and year three of TTC) being much more fruitful and productive than the last...
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