IVF calendar!

So I use the term calendar loosely, but it's all I've got for now.

I just got a voice-mail that my clinic left this afternoon, that assuming everything looks good at my 3D u/s on Thursday (CD7) that I should start my OPK next week. I should O around 9/12 and then start Lupron later that week (~our 4th wedding anni). Then AF is due again on my 34th b-day (:\), so then I'll start stims with a tentative ER/5dET the week of 10/3. Beta in the week of 10/17 (almost exactly two years to the day that we started TTC). I hope these are all good omens. I.am.so.excited!!!!

Marriage

The 'rents as newlyweds in June of 1969.

Dealing with infertility makes you think a lot about marriage. Why we get married, how we stay married, roles in a marriage, what makes a marriage work, or not, etc.

Mr. Happy and I are getting ready to celebrate four years of marriage in a few weeks. Two of my sisters were married and divorced by 25, "starter marriages", if you will. The one that is on her second, is going on 13 years. Over the last few months, both of my parents have celebrated their silver wedding anniversaries (25 years). Now that may seem odd, since I'm pushing 34 and have two older sisters, but they are, of course, on their second marriages.

My parents were high school sweethearts and married on my dad's 20th birthday, in May of 1968. My mom turned 20 two weeks later. Since my parents foolishly left college in the middle of a war, my eldest sister was born when my dad was serving in Vietnam in 1970, and the rest of us followed in orderly succession in '73, '76, and '79. Four girls. Then they divorced in 1982. They were both remarried by the end of 1985.

Unfortunately for me, their marriage doesn't teach me much about how to be good at marriage. I have tried to learn this from others, and gone out of my way not to repeat their obvious mistakes. But you know, it's really hard when you have a shitty example to learn from. But their second marriages are so different.

My father married an heiress (her family owns and runs Presto) who had been a friend of my parents when they moved to WI just before I was born, and apparently she shared his desire to live off the land, in the country, off a trust fund. Too bad for me, they have an ironclad pre-nup. Oh well.

They have an odd relationship, that apparently works for both of them. Except for that short stretch in 2002, when I had moved back to Boston, when he left her and got his own apartment wanting to escape the confines of the life they had created, or whatever. I must tell you, there is nothing more bizarre than counseling one's own parent, by phone, on how to secure an apartment, and then later how to get out of one's lease when said parent decides to go back home.

My mother met my step-father in nursing school, where she went after my father left. He had never been married and didn't have any children and was probably certifiable to marry my mother with four daughters under 16. When they weren't quite ready to commit when they graduated in 1984, we returned to OH where my parents were from, and my mother worked, my grandmother watched us after school, and he, apparently, pined for her.

So the next year, we all moved back to WI and they got married. He is the perfect step-dad, if such a thing exists. Understanding that we already have a father and that his primary role is as my mother's husband and looking out for us silently behind the scenes.

Marriage/life lessons learned:
Don't date seriously in high school (check).
Don't leave school for any guy, or any other reason (check).
Be able to take care of yourself before (and after) you get married (check).
Don't have fanciful notions of what marriage will be like (check).
Marriage is hard work (check).
Don't have more children than you can take care of, or than you agree to have (check).
Don't marry someone who is immature (check).
At the end of the day, the best you can do for your kids is love each other (check).
You have to have your own identity outside of being a spouse and parent (check).
Marry someone who knows what a good marriage looks like, because their parents have one (check).

I could go on...

I'm curious what you learned from your parents (or others) about marriage? Do share.

"The stash"

What happens when two, or three, or four years go by and your plans (seeded much much earlier) don't go anything like you planned? And you're a planner? And a shopper?

You end up with what I affectionately refer to as "the stash". Our yet to be conceived children and my sister's real ones are very well accessorized. A quick run-down...

*A top-rated Maclaren jogging stroller that was a killer deal at Costco.com. This is a seriously amazing ATV stroller (and the only model not part of their recall), though they stopped making them when they came out with the Grand Tour. I bought this under the guise of having my sister use it when she visits, which she does, and us using it with our kids. Though if I had known she'd have her kids so close together and we'd end up doing IVF, I would have bought the one for twins ;) I've also had my eyes on the Uppa Baby Vista since way before they were popular (yay for an upstart Boston co.), and the Maclaren umbrellas since forever.




*A gender neutral Pack and Play, plus an extra fuzzy sheet for use as a bassinet. My sister has gotten a lot of use out of this on her visits with the three kids she's had since I bought it.


Though again, I may end up needing one that looks something like this...


*A top of the line breast pump. This I bought at a charity auction (it was a new donation from local co. Medela) for less than retail and the proceeds went to help fund music education for kids. Win, win, right?
This thankfully already comes with as many pumps as I have twins... ;)

*Enough gender neutral layette clothes for a newborn (0-3 mos.), 3-6 mos., and maybe even 6-9 mos., bought on sale over several seasons at Janie & Jack.

Mine are much cuter, but they are something like these. Their classic layette collection varies only slightly from season to season.






I used to work down the street from the world's only Land of Nod outlet (which has since moved to Naperville). Danger ahead! I actually managed to keep my buying for myself to a minimum, mostly just stuff for the niece and nephews and friends' kids.

*But I did find a great deal on a changing topper like this...


To attach to the top of this, which we also bought on sale for our future nursery...

I'm already scoping out cute knobs that I think this will need.  Anthro anyone?

*And a cute alphabet wall art canvas, like this for ~80% off retail...


*And last but not least, the Vera Bradley baby bag (from the infamous Fort Wayne annual sale) in my forever favorite pattern 'Seaport Navy' that I bought before I even met Mr. Happy.


I haven't bought anything for a looong time, but here I am the eternal optimist, who ends up feeling like a very well prepared, and well accessorized, infertile loser... Someday, hopefully soon.

DIY: paper covered cork boards

This project is about as easy as DIY can be, but it's about as DIY as this busy girl gets... ;)

Supplies:
Pretty papers (all by Rossi Italy from Parchment in Nantucket) - $10 for all three (with tons left over)
Cork tiles (Wal-mart) - $6 for pkg. of four
Cute flat tacks (Wal-mart) - $3
Misc.: Scissors, adhesive (double sided tape, rubber cement, etc.)

Instructions:
-Cut paper to size
-Attach paper to cork with rubber cement(another adhesive might work better)
-Attach to wall with adhesive included with wall tiles
-Put tacks at corners to help adhere
-TBD: tack fun stuff to tiles :)

It's official

I'm a (community) college co-ed! :) Thankfully, I'm not the oldest person in my class, there are a few other women about my age looking to change careers/start firms of their own. The class looks like it'll be fun. The first objective on the syllabus is to gain an understanding of design resources, like design periodicals. Yeah, I think I'm totally getting an A in this class. ;) I'm also looking to milk my student ID for all the discounts I can get. I'll easily make my money back... ;)

Last day of meds (for now), first day of class

Tonight I take the last of my Premarin (E2), Provera (P4) and my "Cape meds" (as I'm calling them) and then can start back on my regular vitamins tomorrow. After the stomach episodes I've had, I stop all other "non-essentials" while on my post-surgery meds. I can't believe it's been three weeks since the surgery. Hopefully AF will come soon, though I'm expecting it to be pretty terrible, for myriad reasons. When AF is over, I'll go back to the RE to get another 3-D u/s of my new and improved ute and if all is well (please God), we'll chart out a plan for IVF (w/long Lupron).

I also have my very first design class tonight. I swung by the college last night before my business dinner to pick up the last of my textbooks and it was a circus. I'm preparing myself to be the old fogey in the class. I'm hoping the professor is good. :)

Good stuff

We stopped in Boston on the way to the Cape (in a successful attempt to time the weekend traffic). And since it was a sales tax holiday weekend, we went to Newbury Street. Who am I kidding? We probably would have gone there regardless, since it was too nice out to go to the ICA. I heart Massachusetts for not having sales tax on clothes. ;)

So I finally got to go to Sweet for a (mini) carrot cake cupcake (my fav). Heaven.


In Chatham, there's a seasonal shop called Shelter Island Home, which is ALL John Robshaw. OMG, love.

He's the new hot guy, I saw his textiles all over the Cape and Islands' cutest shops.

In another adorable little design shop in Chatham, I found this Dash & Albert tile rug and just had to have it for my bedside.

I have the unique (or maybe not so unique) ability to walk into any store and fall in love with the most expensive thing, without even trying, of course. I don't usually shop at the Gap, they lost me as a regular long ago. But S wanted to stop in, and of course I had to have this Band blazer. To me, it yells "back to school", which I am on Wednesday...


On the stroll back from lunch at Sayles Seafood between the Great Harbor and Nantucket Yacht Clubs, we happened upon Parchment.


Parchment profile on Wooster & Prince

I just had to have all of these...


The three papers are by Rossi Italian paper, and I'm planning on covering a large cork board with them to fill with inspiration pictures.

As for the rest...


French labels/stickers from Chronicle Books
Wooster & Prince Hither Creek trio list pad.

FML

I wrote out a super long post discussing the clusterfuck that was our vacation, but I can't even deal. The Cape and Islands were lovely and we actually had a nice time considering. But I naively forgot to leave myself, my life, and my luck at home.

In brief, the week began with an urgent trip to an unknown clinic. We then got to wait all week for test results and get an Rx at $9/pill ($180 total). At the end of the week, their/our worst fears were confirmed. I have a lifelong chronic illness (that came out of nowhere) that could impact future pregnancies, that I now get to add to the mix.

I then heard midweek via my sister that our beloved g-ma K (who recently moved to WI to rehab from knee surgery) has terminal lymphoma after getting sick one night after dinner and undergoing weeks in the hospital for exhaustive tests. She is 93, and without this, would likely live a long long time. She is opting not to have chemo (which would only likely give her a few extra months, but make her sick from the start), and let it run its course. She has been given just a few months to live.

And for good measure, I fell on an divot in the parking lot as we were returning our condo keys. On my knees, my hands, and wait for it... my face.

Where does one go to recover from a vaca like that? Needless to say, I needed to work from home today to try to build up the courage to go back to the office.

Getting ready

I'm pretty sure the doxycycline was the cause of my extreme nausea on Monday, which I now have under control with the help of acid reducer. Only two more doses to go...

We are excitedly preparing for our trip to the Cape. I CAN'T WAIT! (can you tell?) It has been super hot here for what seems like forever, so we are very excited to be trading in our 90's+ for some 70's and sea breezes next week, and getting the hell out of dodge, and meeting some new friends, Niki and Steph, while we are out East.

Some last minute trip prep to do...
Just done:
-Car to shop for check-up. Worst case scenario we have two different free road side assistance services (through Hyundai and our insurance).
-Re-engage lapsed XM radio (5 mos. for $20 deal). Even with an Ipod, on a long road trip, this is a must.
-Stop mail and papers (I love that you can do all of this online now)

Still to do:
-Load up Ipod with new CDs (yes, I still buy CDs)
-Get recent Cape/Islands guidebook from library
-Clean the house, water plants, etc. (I still need to find us a new housekeeper)

Pack must-haves:
-Portable Nav (in case we venture too far off of I-90, which takes us 90% of the way)
-Portable DVD player (w/movies and three seasons of MAD MEN)
-Noise-cancelling headphones (to tune out tone deaf husband who likes to sing ;))
-IPass (works all the way there now, yay!)
-Books (haven't made the jump to Kindle/Ipad yet)
-myriad phones, crack berries, cameras, camcorders...

I'm debating whether I can manage going 10 days w/o a computer... hmmm...?

The house will be painted while we are gone. We'll return from Cape Cod and it'll be Cape Cod Gray... It's getting power washed today! Yay! :)

And my new bag arrived just in the nick of time... :)

Surya pillows

Surya is one of our boy names (it means "sun") and the eponymous decor company is pushing pillows on OKL.

If our family room was a pillow, it would be these...

And our living room, would be these...

I'm also digging these...

Sick

I've been dealing with some really terrible nausea today and of course I'm back at work. The only thing I can figure is that since it's CD17, I'm surging. Not that I'm likely to ovulate for reals, since I'm also on 2.5mg of Premarin/day, it's like of war of the hormones. A war being played out in my stomach, and one that I am losing... :( I've tried Nauzene and am loading up on ginger ale in hopes of making it through the day. This is not fun.

Balloon out and an update

We just got back from the doctor and our new favorite sushi place, Aha Sushi, in Gurnee (of all places). They somehow have the best fish I think I've ever had. I don't know what they put in their miso soup to make it so good and they make their own soy sauce, which is absolutely divine. And you can actually see the roller coasters at Great America from the restaurant.

So I got the balloon out, which was much more painful to remove than it was to have in, but anywho. I won't miss the huge piece of plastic hanging out of me, that was getting old. We got to see the pictures from the procedure and the septum was cut down all the way to the top of the uterine cavity (which he could see from the outside, since we did the lap). So that even with any potential scar tissue, it should still be under the 1 cm target. Yay!

Another shocker, I had just three little dots of endo, on my right side (not the side where I have pain :\), which he burned off. Nothing else anywhere. My tubes, ovaries, entire abdominal cavity, was clean as a whistle.

So now I keep taking my estrogen and antibiotic through next Wed. Then just the estrogen for a week, then I add the progesterone (Provera pills) for another, then a period (only a few days late), then another u/s. Then hopefully if all is good we'll hop on the IVF train and start Lupron sometime around our anniversary and stims around my birthday. :)

Serena & Lily

I'm loving Serena & Lily's new (and not so new) fabrics, so here's some eye candy...

Sprout Navy Diamond

Spring Green Florentine

Navy Medallion Scarf

Navy Gardenia

Clover Spade

Bark Jaipur

Bisque Diamond

Azure Cornflower Mosaic

Aqua Trellis

I survived!

I'm still feeling spacey, but otherwise really good. We didn't get home last night until fairly late and I napped for several hours and then most of the night. I've called in for a few work calls this morning, which has been interesting. I need to chill out now, have some more food and go back to bed.

The worst part of the surgery was again the anesthesia. I was so nauseous afterwards they had to give me several additional doses of meds, and I still threw up. Then we got some Nauzene on the way home, based on the nurse's reco, and where has this stuff been all my life? I sure could have used some last weekend on the boat. They also had to poke me about five times to get my IV in, as it appears I have exactly one good vein in my arms and they had done my blood draw from it, so they were hesitant to go back. Old reliable, she is.

I had a little bit of shoulder pain last night in bed, but otherwise just a little abdominal discomfort from my two incisions and then the annoying plastic thingy hanging out of my hooha for the uterine balloon. This comes out tomorrow, thank God.

I still have no idea how much of the septum he got out (but I'm bleeding plenty) or about any endo as the dr. must have missed S when he came back to the hospital. I called the clinic and talked to the nurse, but I guess he's back in surgery again. If I don't hear back today, then I'll get the low down tomorrow at my follow-up apt. Just so glad it's over and I'm feeling decent. Yay! More good news, my estrogen dosage is just half of what it was for my last septum resection, so hoping the s/e are less severe. Though having big boobs for a few weeks was a nice change. ;)

Thanks to everyone for checking in on me, I really appreciate it.

Off to the hospital

Well it's finally time. I'm waxed, polished, shaved, and starving, so it must be time to go. Let's get this over with already. ;)

Scared shitless

I know I shouldn't be, but I'm kind of a mess. I've done this before, well partly anyway, twice. I've done it with new doctors at new hospitals, twice. I've done it with a general and not, twice.

But I've never been cut open before, or had them cut away muscle, or had a balloon. I've never been alone at the hospital before. I've never filled out a health care power of attorney in case things go terribly wrong. I don't know what they'll find, or not. I don't have the hope I did before that this will be the last time we do this, and that we'll miraculously be able to conceive on our own afterwards, and my next hospital stay will be when I give birth to our child.

I am so tired of all.of.this...

August!

I really can't believe it's August already. Where is the summer going? But this means we are just that much closer to September, which is my absolute favorite time of the year.

We are gearing up for surgery week and I've realized we have so much to do as we are leaving for the Cape next week and I will not be able to do much for several days post-op (nothing like realizing that at the last minute, huh?) So yesterday was a busy day in the S household as we got some last minute house projects done in anticipation of the house being painted by the time we return from vaca (pretty please...).

Our A/C is still out from the flood (now day 10), and the heat really started to get to me this weekend, even though we got out to go sailing and to the pool. I guess because we spent last weekend in the ultracool basement and the week at work. The part that was ordered last week may be installed today and this may or may not fix the problem. Small victory is that I'm not currently medicated on anything that gives me hot flashes or I'd probably be jumping off the roof (yes, I was up there yesterday). I just realized that if it's not fixed by Wednesday, I'll probably need to stay in a hotel for a few days as sitting in a hot house after a fairly major surgery is probably not a great idea for my body or my psyche.

I just know this month is gonna fly by, but I hope it's all good. Successful surgery, fun vacation, and my design classes begin as soon as we get back. :)