Scared shitless

I know I shouldn't be, but I'm kind of a mess. I've done this before, well partly anyway, twice. I've done it with new doctors at new hospitals, twice. I've done it with a general and not, twice.

But I've never been cut open before, or had them cut away muscle, or had a balloon. I've never been alone at the hospital before. I've never filled out a health care power of attorney in case things go terribly wrong. I don't know what they'll find, or not. I don't have the hope I did before that this will be the last time we do this, and that we'll miraculously be able to conceive on our own afterwards, and my next hospital stay will be when I give birth to our child.

I am so tired of all.of.this...