Seven pounds

Is what I've lost in the last day or so. That is what food poisoning, or the 24 hour stomach flu or whatever it was, will do to you. I am back at work today and feeling much better, but still weak from not eating or having vomited up what I consumed in the last two days.

So just to recap the last week, I've been treated for a UTI, gotten AF, and whatever that thing was that struck on Monday afternoon. Good times... The only silver lining is the weight loss, while likely mostly water and digestive weight, is a helpful quickstart to my long overdue plan to get down to "normal" weight for me. I'm 5'11", so even weighing 150 pounds is "normal", and this is only the second time in my life (first/last was 1st yr. in college when I was rowing crew) that I've weighed >150 lbs. I have a small frame and have always been naturally thin so I don't particularly like looking like I have three chins.

At my thinnest, when I got mono during the hellish summer before my sr. yr. in college, I was at 125 (a size 2), which is decidedly not healthy. I spent most of my adult life at about 140 (size 6), which is probably where I should be. The suburbs do make you fat though. I never had a problem with weight when I lived/worked in the city or was single. I didn't have a car, I walked. I also went to this amazing gym. I also didn't eat like I do now w/S. IF certainly doesn't help. The depression, the synthetic hormones... So hopefully the good that will come out of this is that I will be able to stay at and maybe continue to move to a lower, healthier weight.

Getting old is not for sissies -Bette Davis

Today is my grandma K's 93rd birthday. (Happy Birthday G-ma!) She lived alone until my younger sister, J, recently upended her life and moved four states away to extend the amount of time she could stay in the house she's lived in for ~60 years. Since my sister now works during the day, she still spends much of her time alone. She has fallen a few times in the last few weeks, but thankfully she has a service where she can call to have someone come to help her when she is down.

Yesterday, she fell again, and this time broke her kneecap (she broke the other one last summer, which kept us from her 70th college reunion). My mother had planned to travel down in a few weeks, but is now on her way (it's a 600 mile trip) to see her. She is in rehab until they decide whether she needs to have surgery, as she did last year. If so, she may return to WI w/my mom to have surgery, and we are not sure if she will return home.

My grandma G, who is nearly 88, is also not doing well. She has also lived alone for many years. She suffers from dementia and this winter was moved to assisted living for her comfort and safety. She only agreed to stay for the winter and my father traveled recently to move her back home, though we all had hesitations about this given her swift decline. Now she has just been diagnosed with a 90% blocked carotid artery (which means a stroke was likely imminent) and this can not be helping her brain, since it has not been getting enough oxygen. She is going to the dr. this week to seek treatment and will not be moving home in the near future.

They are two of the strongest women I know. My G-ma K is still so sharp and has spent nearly all of her years serving others (as a wife, mother, teacher, school board member, volunteer for myriad organizations). She just wants to live at home, though she would have the benefit of many qualified caregivers in WI. My mom, who is recently retired, is an RN, as is my step-dad. My sister (who is on maternity leave) is a speech pathologist and my BIL is a respiratory therapist training to be an RN. My G-ma G has had a tough life, grew up on a farm, got married very young instead of getting an education, and then had four children with my (now deceased) G-pa G before they were divorced just after my parents married. She never really made a life for herself outside of her role as wife and mother.

I can only hope for them that they agree to move north w/my parents and are able to live out their remaining years surrounded by the people who love them most.

Crazy for the planet

Yes, we are loons for the planet. While they are now more common, we are devotees of myriad kinds of these...

Reusable grocery bags

and these...

Sigg bottles

I know Earth Day isn't for a few more weeks, but we finally broke down and got a bunch of these...

Reusable produce bags

and one of these...

Countertop compost pail (from C&B)

and one of these...

Outdoor compost bin

These new fun composting toys will help us grow even more of these...

Our peonies

and these...

Our tulips

Decor Updates...

So awhile ago I posted that I was trying to figure out what to do with the dining room, see post here ...

Well, I haven't actually done much yet, but I did find a few nice framed & matted pics at TJM (on clearance!) to complement our Krishna painting on the wall. I think it looks quite nice. Three is always pleasing to the eye (or that's what they taught me at PB decor class ;) ), so of course I usually hang in pairs... The room is crying for crown mouldings IMHO.




Yay for tulip season!

Then in the master bedroom, we got a new king sized bed, see post here ...

This was an adventure... The chaise unfortunately had to go, so I sold it on CL. I also of course had to buy all new king-sized bedding, which I had picked out from Pottery Barn. However, the "powder blue" dots turned out to be more of the sage green variety. This would have been perfect if I was shopping for our guest room, but not quite what I was going for. Then of course, I'd ordered a monogramed boudoir, which wasn't returnable, but the rest went back. So I guess that keeps it from being too "matchy matchy".

On a last minute trip to BB&B for a simple white pleated bed skirt (to sneak in while the delivery guys were doing their thing), I got lucky and found nicer (and much cheaper) bedding (duvet and euro shams) that I liked better. It has a darker blue border of rings. The matelasse spread is a kind of homage to all the white matelasse I gave up when we went king. So here is how it all turned out. I achieved my goal of keeping it white (and blue and silver) and serene. Please pardon my complete lack of staging...



For the other pieces, there's the Swedish delegation (Ikea side tables, wall lamps, bench, hidden dresser, and frames). The silk wall hangings, curtains, and accent pillow are from India. KC&CO poster is from Etsy. Side chair (goes w/desk) from Crate & Barrel. Paint is SW Harmony in Maine morning (MSL signature line).

CD1...

After another hellish week (incl. a UTI), S and I had a wonderful day yesterday. I succumbed and tested in the morning, had an acupuncture appt. (she gave me herbs, more on this later), then we had lunch at Mitsuwa. We went into the city for the afternoon, did a little shopping, went to the AI, and had a nice dinner at Sayat Nova.

I slept poorly as I always do when AF is coming, and this morning, she was here... So month #1 w/o septum was a FAIL. I'm actually doing okay considering... I'm making good use of the rest of my 800 mg ibuprofen from my surgery, they make such a huge difference. Good thing, because I have a lot to do today.

This was our last chance to make a 2010 baby. So now we are looking ahead to 2011. Silver lining is it's time to start planning vacations, since we will have our vacation time to ourselves.

Matisse show at the AIC

Art Institute of Chicago


I usually rush to the Art Institute for new exhibitions, but we were busy last weekend. So this weekend we'll head into the city to check our the new "Matisse, Radical Invention" show. I can't wait!

Love this candle!

While we all know and love those lovely (and overpriced) trendy candles out there, I think I just found the perfect candle. I've been a huge fan of Aveda for over two decades (growing up near Minneapolis) long before it was owned (and marketed) by Estee Lauder. They just launched this great organic soy lavender candle, which also sits in reclaimed glass (from wine coolers, no less). Now the kicker, the entire $12 purchase price goes to charities to help ensure clean fresh water for all. Ours went to support the Great Lakes fund, but others go to support the international efforts of Global Greengrants. I am going back and buying more, for gifts of course.

It takes an amazing amount of will power...

...not to buy this stroller.



Uppa Baby Vista Special Edition "Maya"

I've been researching strollers for what, over three years now. In my defence, my sister's and some of my friends' firsts were born at this time. And this was already my pick, but now in the golden yellow, I like to think of it as marigold, is divine. Special note, our last name means "gold" and my girl name is "Marielle" or "star of the sea", since S's name means "sea". Good thing I haven't put any thought into any of this... ;) But don't want to put the stroller before the baby, if you know what I mean. Hopefully sometime soon...

The Katie table

Victoria Hagan Katie table @ Target


I fell for this when it first came out (did the name play a part? ;)), and bought one, at regular price. I really liked the whole Victoria Hagan collection at Target. I found another last night on clearance (for $20!). It's kind of sad how small "victories" like this can make you feel good. I recently painted the first one (which I maybe shouldn't have done), so for now the new one is in the den.

Oh no I didn't...

...forget that Tuesday was our 3 1/2 year wedding anniversary (and I think an O to mark the occasion is a good omen ;))...



Amidst the excitement of the Ravinia season preview party at the lovely Berghoff's (@ their fabulous co-op on LSD in the city) I just didn't post it. Yay us!

And now we wait, again...

You would think that the whole 2ww would get easier the more you do it, but nope it still sucks. I O'd about a week late for me this month, and I'm not sure if my standard 12 day LP will hold or not. So I'll probably test near the end of the month. I've been going to acupuncture religiously every week since December and that is supposed to be helping to lengthen my LP, but I haven't really had a normal cycle since then, so we'll see. It's basically like we are starting over now that my septum friend is gone.

My Dad and step-mom (A) stayed over last night, as they were passing through town on their way to OH to prepare my g-ma L's house for her return from her winter in assisted living. She is losing her mind ever faster, so it's just a short matter of time before she will not be able to live alone and will likely move up to WI and into a facility where her safety is more assured. I managed to give them every remaining private detail of our IF struggle as we were waiting for S to get home from work. I think it's probably more than they wanted to know, but they are very kind.

I am putting stakes in the ground for things to look forward to and right now it's the opening of our very own Whole Foods on May 5th (absolutely thrilling, right?) which I can literally see from my office window. In my dreams, I picture my pg self roaming the aisles filling my cart with the best food I can find.



Then next up is my phone consult with Dr. David in NYC on May 20th (if I'm not pg by then, of course). I'm not sure what else he can do that we haven't already done, but it'll be a last ditch effort before we go to IVF (eek!). I'm trying not to think that far ahead, but just focus on the next few months.

Work continues to be insane. They apparently have no plans to replace my boss, contrary to what I had previously been told. I am having a very hard time concentrating and I am incredibly apathetic about all things Z related. I'm not sure how we are going to figure this out. I'm "locked in" for a year because of my signing bonus and tuition reimbursement, but that is actually somewhat helpful in keeping me from just walking out the door some days. I will, again, need to figure out a plan for when, if, we ever get pg. I don't know that this pace is sustainable.

Blogging and the irony of life...

I must say it's a funny thing. I never thought in a MILLION years that I would have a blog. And if I did, it probably would have been political. Not that I didn't have anything to say (au contraire), or that my life wasn't "interesting". I guess I'm just Gen X enough to want to live my life off-line and not broadcast every little thing happening in my life. I was never big on diary writing either, though I am a master of contemplation. I just liked to keep my thoughts to myself (until now, of course) and to those closest to me. I never even read a lot of blogs until I started really dealing w/my IF. That is, except Michelle's...

My 1st year college roommate (that's what they call it at a woman's college ;) ) has been keeping a great blog since 2000(!) and now has a book deal to boot(!!).

The Underwear Drawer Blog



If you are interested in how real New Yorkers think, medicine, intelligent and sarcastic humor, etc., she's your gal. She has two adorable kids now (!!!) and has moved to Atlanta for her husband's medical fellowship.

When I was thinking of names for my blog, the most resonant were those dealing with irony, since I just can't get over how ironically so many things in my life have played out. But I thought using one of my favorite quotes would be a bit more upbeat, while still pointing out the irony that this is not "the life i've imagined" in many important respects. It's a constant journey, each day making decisions about the life you want to lead. Based on what you thought you'd do and dealing the best you can with what life throws your way. So here's to blogging... (!!!!)

Bingo!

Let's Roll! (again) ;)

We are back in business!

I finally got a second bar on my CBEFM today (CD 21)! Yay!!!

If we don't get pg in the next few months, we are planning a trip to the Maldives later this year (since they are predicted to be under water in our lifetime :( ) Some pics to start your week off right...









*Source: Jetsetter.com

The rain ain't gonna stop me!

Still waiting for O, but hey life goes on... The fairies are on my side! ;)

Katherine
Sun Sign: Libra
September 24

Your horoscope for March 13, 2010
The stars and the fairies are in a wonderful sort of competition for your love and admiration Katherine. They shower an incredible amount of love on you. Use this love to get lost in the wild, wild atmosphere today. Today, you can do absolutely anything you please. You're going to laugh in the face of convention, taboos, and danger. You needed someone to listen to you and support you, and now you can just abandon yourself to living!

Exes

So I don't know if every girl goes through this, but since I'm dealing with IF (which is a defined life crisis), I'm gonna blame that. I catch myself now second guessing every major decision I've ever made, and I'm not one to live my life with a lot of regrets. One of my first thoughts when I found out that our IF was not caused by S was maybe we should get a divorce. And this is coming from someone whose childhood was ruined by divorce. But I thought God help me if I'm the reason why my beloved doesn't get to have biological children. He could find some sweet, young, fertile girl and I could find someone who already has kids and everyone would be happy. In theory.

So in thinking about the perfect girl for my DH, I end up thinking about my exes. Forgive me if this sounds completely insane. There aren't that many (I'm a serial monogomist), but they were an interesting bunch. That was one of my main criteria, you need to be interesting. My U.N. of men, my family used to joke.

Last night I got the new Town & Country and who has his wedding announcement there, but SJ. We dated for a few months when I first moved to Chicago 10 years ago. We broke up over the phone. Then we had dinner a few months later, after I met DR, to smooth things over. He is nine years older than me. He married a girl three years younger than me. She looks perfect for him.

When I went to the Cape last summer, I saw JB briefly, as he summers there. We are still "friends", though S doesn't know he exists (we have a strict no talking about exes policy that S enacted early on). He is 17 years older than me and "dating" someone several years younger than me. I doubt he will ever get married, though we almost did. We thought we were "soulmates" but life got in the way. On the surface, he liked the idea of me and I didn't mind that he enjoyed spending his Bacardi inheritance on me.

Then there's the mafia in training college guy, the undocumented soccer player, the kinky Dartmouth footballer, the Kellogg wanderlust, the actor/bartender, the Fulbright scholar... Who knows, someday maybe I'll write a tell-all memoir... ;)

Spring

We change the clocks this weekend. The snow is gone (for now). The air is warming. The rains are here. It's almost time to go sailing.



Maine

Waiting for God & O (Godot?)

It's day 16, and I have seen no sign of O. This is very odd for me, though I guess I shouldn't surprised that my cycle is off given all the hormones I've been on the last few months. After all the craziness of planning for Switzerland and Utah, nothing. So still waiting...

On the God front, I continue to look for meaning in all of these trials. I'm not a very religious person, though more so than most people who know me probably think I am. I think about everything that we are going through, all the time.

I have to smile when our first post-surgery vacation is in a place where the mascot is the "Ute" (which apparently is a Native American tribe, who knew?).

I got a little upset recently when upon having a new girl cut my hair, we had the following awkward exchange...

Girl: "Do you and your husband have any kids"
Me: "Not yet" (this is my rote response)
Awkward pause, then girl: "So are you just waiting for the right time?" (she must think I'm ancient)
Me: "Actually, we are trying... so, we'll see..."
Slow girl, catches up and realizes that maybe she shouldn't have pushed
To break the awkwardness, me: "How about you?"
Girl: "I have two little ones" (she is maybe 25)
Thanks for making me feel like I can't leave the house w/o being asked about the state of my fertility.

My faith in humanity is restored when last week I go to a new dentist and the absolutely adorable hygienist asks me the same question.
Girl: "Do you have kids"
Me: "Not yet... how about you?"
Girl: "Well, we are trying but it's not quite going as planned"
Me: "We are trying too, it's so hard when it doesn't happen"
Thank God! We go on to have a really nice conversation. We've both made a new friend. She is also very young and it made me glad to have made the connection, but sad that she is going though this.

Seeing Dots...

So I've ordered our new bedding! S has voted and we're going with the dots...



Funny, I think I've seen these before. Hmmm...

Our wedding invitations... (from Wm. Arthur)



One of our china and flatware sets... (from C&B)



And our nailhead living room furniture... (from Marshall Field's, may they RIP)

Ski Utah!

Off we go!

Cape Cod

The seeds of my obsession with the Cape began before I even knew where it was...

I grew up in a house that looked like this (yes there were six of us)



And then, when I got a scholarship to go to college here...



and here...



I spent my summers nannying for a local family that "summers" here...



In this lovely (and deceptively small looking for a 8BR/5BA) home...



Filled with the whole collection of these Claire Murray nantucket cottage rugs...



Now I'm looking at rentals for us for this summer, and of course end up looking at properties for sale. Bad Katie. Remember we live 1100 miles away, so not exactly weekend easy. ::trying not to think of Boston job I turned down last year::

I want this one. Bad. At $270K in Osterville, it's a bargain. We could afford it, if I ate ramen for the rest of my life.





With these out front, instead of those silly shrubs... Ahhhhh... Perfect.

My old friend...

I can't believe it's been nearly six months since I was reunited with my old friend, the CBEFM... Between the IUI's and the time lost to surgery, it was September when we last used it. Now it's day nine and we are back in the saddle, peeing in cups and waiting for two to three bars to tell us it's high time to get down. How romantic...

One room at a time...

Our dining room is a challenge. It's open on one side to the cathedral foyer and living room but is not all that big (8 x 14). It was one of the first rooms that we redid when we moved in. It's clary sage (SW Harmony) on the walls and a wool Reese rug (blue/beige) from PB on the floor. Custom silk curtains and custom-framed silk painting, from our honeymoon in India. Now I'm contemplating repainting, but what color? I am also moving around our art and need to find a new light fixture. A homeowner's job is never done...

Syncronicity Stockholm...

...is what they are calling this adorable print at The Container Store, which is my new pattern for organizing the home office. I love love love the Container Store!


The Container Store Work Smart Office Sale - Desktop Collections

Just to be extra cute, the inside is marigold yellow. Love it!