We love you Laura

My aunt Laura passed away earlier this week. She was a young fifty-five, always so sweet and cool and chic.  I idolized her when I was a kid, probably because she didn't have any reason not to be sunny, unlike my divorced working mom of four.  She had breast cancer that we'd thought she'd beaten, but then it came back and had spread to the muscles around her heart, and even all her fight and the best care in the world couldn't beat it. She and my uncle (my father's next younger brother) were married 30 years and lived in Palm Beach Gardens, after first meeting in Chicago.  They were quite a couple...  She the sorority girl turned travel agent (remember those?) turned SAHM and teacher.  My uncle the golf pro/model turned small business owner.  When I was a kid, we'd often make the long drive from WI down to visit them (usually in the hot hot summer).

She was the first person I knew to do IVF (in the late 80s, for secondary infertility after having a son promptly after they were married and waiting years for another child), though it didn't work and she subsequently got pg on her own w/her daughter (who just turned 21). She was also the first person I knew to build her dream house, which we got to witness (it was the summer my sister Em spent with them, so of course she did the same a decade later).

When I was dating a guy who lived in Miami (in college and just after), I would always drive up to visit them when I was in their neck of the woods. It was on one of these trips, about a decade ago, that I saw her last. I guess I had a bit of a falling out with my uncle, who is as terribly opinionated as I am though he is also a rabid Republican and racist and has a thing for grudges, and we just kind of fell out of regular touch.  My family is weird like that, which is sad.  I'd heard through the grape vine last year that she was sick again, but hadn't been able to get down to see her.  They weren't able to travel up to my grandma's big 90th party last May.  She, thankfully, made it long enough to see her son have one of his own, the same week the twins were born. 

With Mother's Day this weekend, which is already know as "Thanksgiving Day in May" at our house, we'll be thinking of her, remembering the good times and just how lucky we are to have our health and our family.

On not working

Thanks Linda for the post topic!  She was wondering about my decision to leave my job for our latest cycle.  This came after the decision to take an unpaid leave of absence for my fresh cycle last November, which I think helped me then. (see "what we did" post from December)  I apologize in advance that this is long and rambling, but as you can see it wasn't a decision that we came to quickly or without a lot a crap going down first.

Back when we were planning to cycle last Sept/Oct (after my last septum/lap surgery and before my FIL passed away unexpectedly delaying our cycle to Oct/Nov), I had spoken with my boss about what we were doing and that I'd like to take some time off to focus on our cycle.  He was very supportive, having a brother who with his wife had been through the IVF process as well (they now have twins).  I then had to spend a lot of time with HR to try to figure out how to make it work.  They wanted me to apply for STD, which I knew I wouldn't, and didn't, qualify for, as my RE would only write me out of work for ER and ET (two days).  I finally ended up taking a personal leave, when we got to cycling in November.  I gave up those weeks of my salary and that portion of the year's bonus, but I didn't have to use any of my PTO time, which I cashed out when I left the company.  After doing some research, I also requested that it not count against my 12 weeks of guaranteed time for FMLA, since it was obviously our plan to get pg and need that time for maternity leave, which would have been paid through STD and my saved PTO.

I found out I was pg over Thanksgiving and returned to work the next week.  I worked for just over a month before we lost that pregnancy.  My boss was then very understanding and let me take a week off (off the books) and then I came back to work partial days for the next.  After DH returned from India, we began our recovery and planned for our next/FET cycle with our two remaining embryos from our cycle, it became increasingly apparent to me/us that we needed to focus our energies even more on what we doing. 

Originally, I was meant to be on the road for work from late Jan-April (my 2nd tri for my 1st pg, which I thought would work out, though the pg didn't), but then in December found out that this would be delayed.  After I returned to work in January after our loss, it turned out that the powers that be were considering delaying the roadshow launch even further.  I had an honest discussion with my boss, my former boss (who was still leading the project, but was now on a new team), and my boss's boss about how our plans to cycle again would be our priority and that I would need to have someone fill in for me on the road if I needed to be home for appointments on certain days.  They were supportive, but honestly the project was so unstable at that point, that I think they were just agreeing to whatever I was saying because they needed me to stick around and help get it off the ground whenever that time came.

I don't remember exactly when DH and I started talking about me leaving my FT job completely.  I think I brought it up sometime after the new year.  I had been unhappy for some time and a lot had happened since I had started there in the fall of 2009, which was when we began our first treatment cycle.  I had completed a mini-MBA program in Feb 2010, which my employer had helped to pay for, so I was obligated to stay on for one year after that, to avoid having to repay those funds.  I was also looking forward to collecting my annual bonus at the end of March, which I was definitely sticking around for.  So this became our new target.  Sometime in late winter, they decided to cancel the roadshow for my project completely, which was somewhat of a relief, but also upset me given I'd devoted 18 months of my life to this project, and it was pretty clear that they were screwing up the launch.  I made it known that I didn't agree with this decision and at some point a new, scaled back launch plan was suggested.  I again reminded everyone that I would be available only to the extent that whatever schedule they came up with didn't interfere with what we were doing. 

It wasn't until mid-March that we were able to begin meds for our FET, given the time required post-m/c to regulate and get back on track.  By this time, I was counting down the days.  At the end of the month, I got my evaluation, bonus and raise, and after leading the training session that was to replace most of our roadshow, gave my two week notice.  I worked until mid-April, two weeks before our transfer.  Another reason why I was comfortable leaving without another job lined up, was that the consulting firm I had worked for before I went over the corporate side in 2005, said that they had work for me to do.  I did my first, and what has turned out to be only, project for them immediately after I left my FT job.  This was the intense project in Vegas that almost cause me to miss my grandfather's funeral in April.  After this and getting pg w/twins from our cycle, I have opted not to do much in the way of work which is good now that I'm totally out of commission, though I have been networking, with another consulting firm adding me to their roster of contractors.

We had used the rest of our $15K lifetime max for infertility treatments, through DH's work, on our fresh cycle, so we knew we'd be OOP for whatever came next, unless/until I found a new job with IF benefits.  We had saved up enough to do several cycles OOP, if that became necessary.  I also did a ridiculous amount of research and even applied to work for companies where IF benefits were available.  Given our age, history, focus on having a family (not having kids has never been a viable option for either us, and we have discussed adoption at length), and ability to live on one salary since we live below our means, while we figure out what is going to happen, it made sense for us. 

Though long term given my earning ability, which is significantly more than the cost of having someone else care for two kids while I work, I will likely go back to work in some capacity by the time the kids are two/in pre-school in order to help provide the comfortable lifestyle that we'd like to provide for our family.  Those 529s don't fully fund themselves unfortunately...  And unlike someone I was reading the other day in response to determining their family size, I won't expect my kids to just be thankful to be alive, even though there is no plan/ability to take care of them adequately.  This might be the single most ridiculous and irresponsible thing I've ever read, and I know all about this first hand.  They should expect some support from their parents in making something of themselves.  I don't expect them to start working at 12 or work three jobs through college, like I did.  But unless we have a family, the money really means nothing and the things that it can buy (besides IF treatments, of course) can wait.  But my biological clock doesn't stop ticking...

Now that I'm on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy, I (and all my Drs.) are very glad that I'm not having to deal with an employer.

Another missed opportunity

Well I'm not having the greatest luck getting into IF studies... You may remember how I interviewed for an acupuncture for fertility study last Spring (has it really been that long?). But alas it was not to be. I'm pretty sure the Dr. just wigged out when she saw the heft of my medical records, as we had a very nice visit. At least my friend C got to participate.

Recently, I started looking at other IVF clinics in our area, in case our FET fails and we need to cycle again in the near future. The second best success rates in our area (behind where we are currently) is with InVia, Karande & Associates. I was of course very excited when I saw that they were offering FREE IVF for participation in an experimental drug study. What could be better when you are OOP? Assuming it's all on the up and up, of course. I'm not 35 until Sept., but sadly that will be here soon enough.

So I finally called the clinic today to find out more about it. The nurse couldn't have been nicer, but she warned me they are in the last TWO days of screening for the study. Ugh! The drug has already been tested on 21-34 year olds, in which both the control group and test group had similar success rates. It is being used in Europe and China, and the FDA wants to see more data on 35+ before approving it for use here. She didn't give me the name of the drug, but it's a daily ovarian stimulant that has been reformulated to last for 7 days. Crazy, huh?

Anywho, of course the response to the study has been "overwhelming" and they are not sure when the next one will be offered. She said to keep an eye on their website for future studies. We had a nice little chat about where we were and I will definitely be calling them again if heaven forbid we get to that point. They are much more conveniently located to where we live, coincidentally in the very same office building as RE #2.

I've tried not to dwell on it here (I have to remind myself there might be people reading this ;)), but I've been having a hard time coping with all that has gone on. But I am a very optimistic person (2nd only to DH, though he's also been rocked), if anything for me it's a coping mechanism that I've developed and has gotten me through lots of tough times, and am similarly optimistic about our upcoming cycle. I am just ready for us to get a real break already. I am so so tired of everything that shouldn't really be, being so damn hard. Life is tough enough, and I really don't like feeling miserable all the time. I feel like I'm on freeze frame, while I watch the world go by. The more time that goes by and the more that goes wrong, the more energy it takes and the less energy I have to remain optimistic.

And honestly it's getting even harder to relate to people who didn't have to work for everything little thing that they have (especially those who are unappreciative) than it was before. Who would have thought after my past experiences, that would even be possible? Not a pretty place to be...

Beta #3

So I wasn't supposed to have a third beta, but I had a little bit of a freak out earlier this week (hello work and school anxiety) when my sick feelings, that I'd had literally since my 1st + HPT, the one thing I apparently have in common with my uber-fertile sister, took a break. So I called the clinic and asked to come in for another test. They very kindly obliged. It came back at 3764 @ 21dp3dt, which is right on track for a single little bean. Our first u/s is on the 21st and then we'll hopefully see one strong heartbeat, or maybe a surprise. :)

Beta #2 and my slippery pulse

Beta #2 is 490! This is a good rise, with a doubling rate of 32 hours. We are done with betas now. We have to wait until Dec. 21st for our first u/s, as they like to make sure that it's late enough to hear the heartbeat. Then S will be likely be leaving for India. This is still a little surreal, I just can't believe how lucky we are. We are so incredibly grateful, and worried that we make it look too easy. ;)

I went back to my acu last night for the first time since my post-ET visit. She was so excited! She was pleased that I'm already having nausea, headaches, backaches, fatigue, extreme hunger, and not sleeping all that well. She's going to help me out. She loved my "pregnant pulse" which she described as being "slippery". I'd never heard that before, but I trust her that it's good. She also lit up when I said that I feel like I'm plugged in and being charged. She explained that according to Chinese medicine, where yin is the cool and calm, and yang is the hot and hyper, babies are 100% yang. I think I might be 100% yin, maybe that's why I feel so wild.

What we did...

So first is the big disclaimer, as we are certainly not anywhere near the edge of the woods on this our very first pregnancy of any variety or even remotely experts on IVF (though I joke about adding an M.S. in Infertility to my resume, oh what I could/would have rather done with the last two years and all that money...), but I thought for those who may be venturing down this path for the first (or 2nd or 3rd... time) that I'd share what we did and what worked for us, FWIW...

Unfortunately, as we all know too well, much of what contributes to the success or failure of any cycle is out of one's control, but if you're anything like me (and I know some of you are ;) ), you want to try to help where ever you can, so you have your very best shot. Sadly, many of these things also cost real money (one of the biggest problems with IF, IMHO), but we realized that when we weren't going to get pg on our own (at home, on vacation, anywhere), that there would be some expense involved. That's just the reality.

So in no particular order... (sorry for the canned commentary, but you already know I'm opinionated)

1) Find the Best:
Around the time we finally decided that we were ready for/needed to do IVF (last summer after seeing RE #3, who I loved, but is ironically pretty anti-IVF), I started looking at the SART scores of clinics in our area. I'm a confessed number cruncher (it's what I used to do for a living, and it's in my blood), but it also made SO much sense to me not to waste our time (and more importantly our precious and paltry insurance coverage/one shot at IVF) on a clinic with lousy success rates, regardless of how convenient it would be (which regrettably had been a key driving factor in choosing my first two sub-par REs). It was common sense to me and DH, but for some reason a lot of people fall in love with their clinic or their RE (or don't have many choices), and are somehow blind to these. I obviously have no way to know for sure, but I honestly think it made a difference for us.

2) Be open to complementary therapies:
I had some experience with yoga, but absolutely no personal experience with acupuncture before I came across Pulling Down the Moon late last year when I was still doing IUIs w/RE #1. I took their Yoga for Fertility class right away, and then started acupuncture early this year. I did give it up after our failed IUI in May, but started up again before our IVF cycle and religiously went for the many visits my trusted acupuncturist recommended all through our cycle. Studies show that especially pre- and post-ET sessions contribute significantly to IVF success rates. I will continue to go during our pregnancy, as I've already got lots of fun symptoms. I'm also starting prenatal yoga this weekend. :)

3) Get healthy:
Sleep:
Historically speaking, I've always been an excellent sleeper (and part time narcoleptic, but that's a story for a different post), though not surprisingly times of great stress (like the extended hell that is IF) have a way of killing my streak. I knew it would be important for me to be getting good sleep during my cycle. This was actually one of the reasons that I decided to take off of work, as our clinic is about an hour a way from home/work. They, of course, offer very early morning appts., but I knew then that this time would come right out of my sleep bank and that was not going to do me any favors in the short or long run. I took their latest appts. (I used my drive as leverage) and slept in...

Food:
DH and I fortunately eat really well anyway (mostly a Mediterranean diet, which he cooks very well), but I made an extra effort to eat good organic and whole foods before and during my cycle. Lots of whole grains/complex carbs, plenty of good fats and proteins, and veggies. Having a new Whole Foods minutes from home and office certainly made this much easier to manage. Remember you not only need to get yourself pg, but need to support an ever growing parasite/s for nine months. :)

Supplements:
Much to everyone's surprise (apparently) I've also been taking a PNV for almost three years (on Rainbow Light now/again) and am also on Omega 3 and Vitamin D. DH took Conception XR, though he likely started it too late to make much of a difference.

Weight:
I am lucky to be genetically blessed in this dept., (though my figure can best be described as overgrown teenage boy) I know it is a tough one for most women. I am 5'11" and weigh about 150 lbs. now, so I have a bit of reserves (as DH affectionately calls them), which is exactly where I want to be. It is almost my top weight ever, except for my freshman year of college when I rowed crew when I maxed out at 155, but I could also bench press my weight (so there ;) ) I've been as low as 125, when I had mono my Sr. year, and it was not pretty. I used to do some modeling, which I can assure you is much more lame than glamorous, but now my job is to be as healthy as possible. I have not and will not worry about my weight until after baby is here.

4) Have a support network:
I've heard of and seen many people doing IVF in secret, but I honestly have no idea how or why they do and knew that was not for me (even though I'm a very private person). My family (parents, sisters), close friends, my boss, and of course all the lovely ladies on the Bump IF board all knew what we were doing. I think this is very important to help maintain your sanity.

5) De-stress:
I realized at some point that I was not going to even attempt to undertake IVF while working in my ridiculous job. This, of course, required me to tell my boss what we were doing (which I hadn't planned on doing). But as I've said here before, I honestly think it's the best idea I've EVER had. By taking unpaid leave, which cost me a pretty penny, I was able to really disconnect from the office (I actually did put my Blackberry and laptop aside) and focus on what we were doing and just be in the moment and healthy.

6) Deal with your mental baggage:
We've all got it, it's just in different sizes and colors. I spent a lot of time writing, thinking, and talking w/DH before and during our cycle in order to clear my head (and therefore my body) of the crap that comes with lugging that stuff around.

7) Don't be shy about making sure you've done everything else you can: (this is where I do my "lap dance" ;) )
We could have done IVF a year ago, glad we weren't in that big a hurry, with our very 1st RE, who recommended it after our first two failed IUI's w/Clomid, when she didn't see the need to remove my septum. RE #2 removed part of it (as we'd later learn), but didn't think we needed IVF. I just knew we weren't done when we got either of their advice.

One of great things our consult with Dr. David confirmed for me is that IVF isn't the best/most efficient way to find out what's causing your problems, though if you are lucky on one of many tries it may get you around them. He recommended tons of new tests and a lap before considering IVF. We took this to heart (partly because it jived with our philosophy/ins. limitations), though some of those tests (namely a new SA for DH) pushed us even farther in the direction of IVF.

When I found out that my septum was not completely removed (see: wasted surgery #2 in Jan.) and RE #4 would need to go in yet again, we insisted on having a lap done as well. He was amenable (and fortunately it was covered under our regular insurance) and it was useful in giving him a valuable perspective on the surgery, so we did it and found that we probably didn't have anything else going on that was causing issues. That may make you think, what a waste! (though our 1st two actually were a complete waste) But with one shot, we needed to do this first and if nothing else it gave us HUGE piece of mind that we had done absolutely everything we could, aside from endless inject cycles, to avoid IVF. I just don't understand people who do many rounds of IVF before/without doing a lap. Maybe it shouldn't be part of the dx process (as it used to be) but it is certainly easier/cheaper than multiple rounds of IVF (as are many other cheap and easy dx tests).

8) Prepare for Failure:
This may sound defeatist, but it's actually a very effective coping mechanism to deal the realities of infertility and ART. We literally had all our eggs in one basket, but I had elaborate scenarios charted out, which made my type A mind feel somewhat assured that if we failed miserably, we would be okay. We were lucky and got a BFP (with two in me and two in the freezer), but if the first round didn't pan out, we would have done an FET OOP. Or if not, I already have a maxed out 2011 FSA (with DH having to next wk to set up his) to do a new fresh cycle next year. Now I will use this for acu and L&D. I started looking at how we would pay for future cycles (new insurance/job for me, asking DH's employer for more $, income/bonus, savings, assets, shared risk, etc.) but we've already talked about adoption and if everything failed I actually was able to wrap my head around offering DH a "get out of jail card" and start a new life for myself. I think there is something to going through all of this. It makes you realize that you will, in fact, survive.

If you've made it this far (congrats!), I'd be interested to hear if anyone has any other words of wisdom? Tips for success?

You, Me, and Gurnee :)

Well, we did it! Beta #1 is 104! Beta #2 is on Friday. Please God, let this stick.

After all the death, disease, and despair in our families over the last few months, my EDD is my MIL’s b-day. As DH said, there is nothing like something happy to help you heal from something sad.

Thanks for all your support, it means the world to me! :)

Back at work

Well, for the first time in three and a half weeks, I'm back at work today. It's a little crazy to have been out so long (it was SO nice and really should be a given for anyone doing IVF), and now I get to do the work that's been waiting for me since the beginning of the month.

Tomorrow is the big beta day, I'm so nervous...

Digital on 9dp3dt

DH didn't want me to take it yesterday (boo on him, right?), but today here it is...


As Shakira says, the sticks don't lie, but Tuesday seems so far away...

FRER looks about the same, but I got new faint line on cheapie. My boobs continue to be insane, mild backache, and headache, but I actually feel fairly good.

After three and a half weeks off, tomorrow I go back to work. Lord help me.

It may be the lightest line ever...

But it's there, it's my first second line EVER, and I'm already in love (and so excited!). Please, please, please be a sticky baby(-ies).

8dpt...Placenta cells begin to secrete HCG in the blood (right on time ;) )

Still nothing on the cheapie this morning, this is a FRER. I had completely psyched myself out that I wouldn't be seeing anything like this (my defense mechanism, I guess). Way too many bad dreams and feeling nothing at all for several days. I had all kinds of weird ute "lightning" the first few days after ET, then complete radio silence. Just feeling really tired and hungry and started feeling nauseous today on the drive home. All I can say is BRING IT ON! :)

What/when in the 2ww...

If things go as they should, here is what happens after a 3dt: (borrowed from L&R here)

1dpt ..Embryo is growing and developing
2dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst
3dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
4dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
5dpt.. Implantation begins as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
6dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
7dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
8dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
9dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
10dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops
11dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT

I start my estrogen patches today, it's going to be an exciting week! :)

A spare pair!!

I was just in the shower (and thinking about my embies) and DH busts in and tells me that the clinic has just called to tell us we have two blasts to freeze! Yippee! Best news ever! I can't stop smiling... :)

Embies On Board!(and more lessons learned the hard way)

First of all, I apologize for my freak out this morning, I'm really not a drama queen (I promise ;) ). I am also sorry if I offended anyone with my disappointment in having a 3dt. Given I went into what may be my only ER w/14 follies and ended up with 5 embies, and that my clinic is all about being a 5dt shop (they have dramatically lower success rates with 3dt vs. 5dt), and given the lack of info I had at the time (that only 5 embies may lead to a 3dt, regardless of quality), getting a call that said "can you be here in two hours?" is a little mind bending. Are my last embies arresting as we speak? They wouldn't tell me anything. Goodness that was unnecessarily stressful.

So after I got off the phone, as directed I popped in my Prometrium and laid down for 30 mins. drinking my 24 oz. of water, I then got ready and we left for the hour ride to the clinic. Not too far in, I got really uncomfortable. First, it was "I have to pee" uncomfortable, then it got so severe that I was writhing and screaming in pain. I thought maybe the pill meant to relax my ute must be causing cramping or something. I seriously felt what I imagine laboring in the car to be like. It was absolutely horrific.

When we finally got there, the nurse said I shouldn't be in pain and she immediately popped the u/s on my belly, which we realized was hugely distended. They had me empty two cups out of my bladder immediately, which made me feel SO much better. Then we waited a bit and they u/s'ed me again, and again I could lose two more cups (WTF right?). Then after more waiting they set us up in the transfer room where they u/s'ed me again. I still had a lot more in my bladder than I needed, but I felt so much better at that point that I just stayed put.

The Dr. finally came in and told us that our five embies are all doing well. Thank goodness. There was 1 8-cell, 1 7-cell, 2 6-cells, and one five cell. I was so exhausted at the point, that I didn't ask many questions. We confirmed that we wanted to transfer two and the "best" were the 8-cell and one of the 6-cells. The transfer was uneventful. They will watch the other three until Tuesday to see if any are good for cryo.

Lesson learned, if you are in any pain when you've filled your bladder, just go. I suffered unnecessarily, because I was worried that the transfer would be screwed up if I went. My mock transfer (when I also drank 24 oz.) didn't go as expected, as my bladder wasn't full at all. Go figure.

Thanks for all the T&P, let's hope they are snuggling in and getting comfy. :)

Not great news

I just got off the phone with my clinic, and they want us to come in at 10am (in two hours) for a 3dt. The nurse wouldn't tell me how our five embryos are doing, we will have to wait until we get there to talk to the Dr. Any T&P you have to spare for us would be very much appreciated. I'm laying here with my Prometrium and my water shaking I'm so nervous. Please God...

Two days post ER

2-day/2-cell embryo

Well, it's been an interesting few days. We are thrilled with our five embies (hopefully there are still five of them now, I hate not knowing), but can't help but be somewhat disappointed that with this our first/last/only insured/all bets in round of IVF that we don't had a little more room for error. I'm feeling guilty that I'm having a stage mother moment, that our short term financial situation counts of the success of these embryos. That's not fair to them, but that's where we are. Hopefully they are overachievers like their parents. ;)

I really hate being a worst case scenario Katie, but I have to manage my expectations from this to the best case, and recalibrate where we likely are on this spectrum as we get more information. On my last follie check (where I got measurements), we had 14 measurable follies. Of these, 10 were retrieved, only 7 were mature, and only five fertilized with ICSI. As much as I cringe when I hear about other IFer's having dozens and dozens of eggs retrieved, these numbers don't bode terribly well for what we are dealing with, though I've never had any test come back reflecting DOR or low quality, actually quite the contrary. Hopefully I was just under-stimmed and they are high quality/low quantity.



I realize that we could very well be successful (and maybe still doubly so), but I have to wonder the likelihoood of us ending up with even one to freeze. Meaning the probability that we would need to do another fresh cycle is greater now than it was just a few days ago.

My clinic's success rates are really good, that's why we are going there...

AF's 2009 IVF Pregnancy and Live Birth Success Rates
Clinical Pregnancy Rate Per Egg Retrieval(Sac in uterus on ultrasound): 66.9%
Live Birth Rate Per Egg Retrieval: 62.9%

But the potential impact (cause/effect) of a possible 3dt rather than being able to wait to 5d is dramatic. I will not know what we are doing until tomorrow. I have to keep reminding myself (w/the help of my IRL friend, whose first round of IVF (5dt) was BFN, but her second (3dt) was successful and she has a beautiful 9 mo. old daughter) that it may not matter for me. But my clinic typically does 5dt, unless there is reason not to.

Female Age Under 35
Day of Transfer/ Number of Embryo Transfers Clinical...
Pregnancy Rate Per Embryo Transfer/Live Birth Rate Per Embryo Transfer
Day 2 or 3/ 305... 45.9%/36.7%
Day 5 or 6/ 565... 72.4%/65.8%


I was feeling great post ER, until I realized that I was not going to have a BM in any reasonable amount of time. I was getting really uncomfortable yesterday and finally broke down and went and bought a "gentle" laxative. I don't think I've ever taken a laxative. Needless to say, last evening after class was not pleasant. Hopefully, my body will right itself and I will not need anymore of that anytime soon. Ugh.

I took my first shot of PIO last night, which DH administered after some extensive icing. I didn't really feel a thing, but it is the creepiest thing, that huge needle. I'm not that big across, so it seems to border on impaling to me. Hopefully these will get even easier, and I will be able to do them myself, when needed. My sweet sister (who has finally moved back to MN, now that my grandma is in WI) has graciously offered to come stay with me (and little does she know, give me my shots) when she found out my DH will be going back to India next month and I will be alone. This is of course assuming I get pg. See I really am an optimist. :)

Off to spend the day in Evanston with my dear friend and her nearly four year old daughter, and go see my acupuncturist for what may be my pre-ET visit.

* All images from www.advancedfertility.com

Fert report

Of the 10 eggs they retrieved yesterday, 7 were mature, 5 fertilized and we now have 5 embies growing. :)

It is still up in the air whether we will do a 3dt on Friday or a 5dt on Sunday. They will call me back on Friday morning. It's going to be a LONG two days...

My first mommie moment

For the first time in quite awhile, I got up in the middle of the night wracked with worry. I couldn't stop thinking about my embies... How many of them are there? How are they doing? Who's looking after them? Are they taking good care of them?

I'm probably completely certifiable, but I guess I should get used to worrying about them for the next 20+ years...

10!!

They retrieved 10 eggs today! We are very excited! I thought maybe we'd get an even dozen or so, but my RE thought we'd have fewer than we did. They like to have 8-15, so he was very happy with what they have to work with. I hope it's just the right amount, it's my lucky number. ;)

So excited for the fertilization report tomorrow. I am feeling spectacular since the retrieval and fluid drain, which is welcome since I felt really lousy yesterday. So glad to be home and resting.

Eager for ER

I am so ready to get all these little buggers out of me! I am really bloated and uncomfortable. I know this is normal. It hurts to walk and to sit, so I've been basically laying on my back most of the day. I have no idea how people do this and work. I guess I'm spoiled, but it really would be inhumane. Though that could be said for the whole process. My boobs are killing me too. They tend to be pretty sensitive to the hormones I've taken over the last year, but the last few days they are really hurting. It hurts to wear a bra, it hurts not to wear one. I can't win.

S is missing another important client meeting tomorrow to take me to ER, so he had to tell his bosses why he can't be there. One is the the great guy who takes us sailing and the other apparently went through all this with his wife (they have since adopted two children), so they are cool. My bosses have been good about leaving me alone the last week, which I guess is good. It'll be interesting to go back.

Since I seemed to respond well to stims, I'm really eager to see how many eggs they retrieve, how many are mature, how many fertilize (we are doing ICSI). It's going to be a whole lot more waiting the next few days and weeks, but I could be pg in just two more. It's so hard to believe.

Triggering TONIGHT!

My follies liked the big kick they got yesterday and took off, and after a good monitoring appt. this morning (which I brought S to, I figured he needed to meet the vag cam at least once ;) ), I just got the call that I'm triggering tonight @ 10:30pm! Just took one last shot at 225, finishing nearly every last drop of my Gonal-F. My ER is Tuesday morning @ 8:30 am, ET on Friday or Sunday, so we'll likely be going up to WI for Thanksgiving. Beta on 11/30... :)