Another missed opportunity

Well I'm not having the greatest luck getting into IF studies... You may remember how I interviewed for an acupuncture for fertility study last Spring (has it really been that long?). But alas it was not to be. I'm pretty sure the Dr. just wigged out when she saw the heft of my medical records, as we had a very nice visit. At least my friend C got to participate.

Recently, I started looking at other IVF clinics in our area, in case our FET fails and we need to cycle again in the near future. The second best success rates in our area (behind where we are currently) is with InVia, Karande & Associates. I was of course very excited when I saw that they were offering FREE IVF for participation in an experimental drug study. What could be better when you are OOP? Assuming it's all on the up and up, of course. I'm not 35 until Sept., but sadly that will be here soon enough.

So I finally called the clinic today to find out more about it. The nurse couldn't have been nicer, but she warned me they are in the last TWO days of screening for the study. Ugh! The drug has already been tested on 21-34 year olds, in which both the control group and test group had similar success rates. It is being used in Europe and China, and the FDA wants to see more data on 35+ before approving it for use here. She didn't give me the name of the drug, but it's a daily ovarian stimulant that has been reformulated to last for 7 days. Crazy, huh?

Anywho, of course the response to the study has been "overwhelming" and they are not sure when the next one will be offered. She said to keep an eye on their website for future studies. We had a nice little chat about where we were and I will definitely be calling them again if heaven forbid we get to that point. They are much more conveniently located to where we live, coincidentally in the very same office building as RE #2.

I've tried not to dwell on it here (I have to remind myself there might be people reading this ;)), but I've been having a hard time coping with all that has gone on. But I am a very optimistic person (2nd only to DH, though he's also been rocked), if anything for me it's a coping mechanism that I've developed and has gotten me through lots of tough times, and am similarly optimistic about our upcoming cycle. I am just ready for us to get a real break already. I am so so tired of everything that shouldn't really be, being so damn hard. Life is tough enough, and I really don't like feeling miserable all the time. I feel like I'm on freeze frame, while I watch the world go by. The more time that goes by and the more that goes wrong, the more energy it takes and the less energy I have to remain optimistic.

And honestly it's getting even harder to relate to people who didn't have to work for everything little thing that they have (especially those who are unappreciative) than it was before. Who would have thought after my past experiences, that would even be possible? Not a pretty place to be...