Monday, December 31, 2012

Getting things done

In the spirit of positivity, I'm not going to focus on the things that didn't get done this year. Because honestly, our lives are an embarrassment of riches and I have enough sense to know what is and is not important.  Just two years ago I could not have imagined we'd be where we are now.

As momentous as last year was for us, (me leaving my job, us getting pg (again), then nearly losing the babies (again), spending Aug-Dec in bed, and welcoming our two healthy, but tiny bundles), this year was big in so many smaller ways.  Extended bed rest is not the easiest way to transition from life as a working girl to that of a stay at home mom, though while being a full time caregiver/mother to twins (with a post-BR body, carpal tunnel, shingles, etc.) you have very little time to do much else but survive rather than to dwell on what you are not doing.

@ 11 months
Guess who's the alpha baby?
Most importantly, the kids are thankfully thriving and happy (most of the time).  They are both so amazing and different.  It has been a true gift to be able to watch them both grow and learn so much this year, even though I've learned that I don't think I am one of those women who was born to be a stay at home mom and physically I'm in such sad shape that they kick my ass on a regular basis.  Mari finally got her first tooth (on Christmas) with several more in the works and he also has several new ones emerging or near.  We are finally finished with both our breastfeeding/pumping regimen and with decorating their separate bigger kid rooms (pics to come), which we moved them to in the spring.  We ended up not doing a lot of formal activities this year given my deference to and the dominance of their schedule and the fact that our pedi gave us reassurance that it was all unnecessary, but we look forward to that next year.

Nearly all of our ventures out of town were for extended family this year, as we pretty much opted out of elective travel for the obvious logistical reasons.  We were up in WI for Abbie's baptism in April and again, but to Lake Geneva this time, in May for Mother's Day.  We went to OH later in May to celebrate my grandmother's 90th b-day.  We were up in WI again while DH went to India in June and then again for Thanksgiving.  We were going to go on a family (just the four of us) vaca over the twins' b-day and Christmas since DH has two weeks off, but we decided that it would easier to try to go away after we were completely done with pumping and party planning and the kids are a little bigger, probably in the spring.  We spent a quiet Christmas at home (best decision ever).

Given our time went primarily to the kids this year, most of our goals that weren't kid related, were money related, so you'll likely find it a bore unless you are looking for tips from this Indian engineer and (not a home) economist.

We paid off DH's car and paid further ahead on mine.  We had invested the money we would have spent when we bought both new in late 2009 (when the market was in the toilet) and financed them at a low rate, giving our retirement accounts a nice bump from the margin.

We are in the process of refinancing the house (again), back to a 15 fixed rate.  This is the third (and hopefully the last) time in seven years we've refied (can you tell I don't feel like moving?), first to go from a 7 yr ARM (see seven yr plan) to a 15 yr, then we ended up back to a 30 yr fixed when I left my job (out of an over abundance of financial caution since we were not yet pg again, out of IF coverage, and had never lived on half our household income).  We are very happy to lock in a near 2% rate, which is a full three points lower than where we started and two lower than our previous refis.  It is finally low enough to justify rolling in the small HELOC (so no subordination this time, thank goodness) we got when we first started doing our major home renos, and never paid off due to IF, so we'll now just have one payment only slightly larger than the ones before (not including the loss in tax ded), but paid off much much sooner, saving us a crazy amount on interest.  DH wants to have whatever house we are in to be paid off by the time the kids go off to college, though he has no plans to retire.  I however do, and my plan is to not die in this house.

We opened and funded 529s for each of the kids and set up new larger 20 yr term life insurance policies to ensure that even if something were to happen to one or both of us before they are grown, that a tragedy would not be a financial hindrance to them getting whatever education they are interested in attaining without having to beg, steal and borrow to get it as neither of us are counting on large inheritances.

We fully funded an IRA for me (for 2011) in the spring (since I had no 401K contributions this year) and increased DH's funding of his 401K.  Since I turned down the many offers of freelance work this year and had no individual earned income, we are now only eligible to make a spousal IRA contribution for me until I decide to work again.

We finally had our old deck removed and had a new brick patio installed. We upgraded our dishwasher (which I love) and replaced our washing machine (again). I thank goodness daily that we did the all the work we did to the house when we did (pre-kids) so we can focus on them and other things, but lament that we didn't do it all, given the uncertainty in our lives back then.   Even the few days of work outside was disruptive enough that upcoming major renos (the kitchen and master bath) are not getting done while we are home. They will wait until the kids are out of the house during the day or when we are on vaca or something.

For 2013:

I need to decide when/if/how I am going back to work and in turn we'll need to find a child care solution that has eluded us so far, one of several reasons why I continue to turn down freelance work, despite repeated requests from the firms I contract with and a surprising number of other opportunities. A major issue with my freelance work (much of it at home) is that you basically need to have full time availability for clients, even if you are only working part time hours.  This would be more doable if I was just scheduling work around cycling (which was why I initially left my job) and another entirely if you need to have responsible sitters basically on call to watch your twin babies.  And since I was pumping this year, I honestly just decided I didn't want to add more stuff to the mix.  Win for the kids, loss for the bank account, welcome to parenthood.

My MIL was set to return in late January again, though now that BIL/SIL are expecting next summer, that may or may not happen.  If/when she does, she will likely do mostly the cooking that she loves so much and help out like she did when she was here before.  

If I were to/when I do go back to work full-time outside the home, we've talked about what we think would be best for the kids and I think we've decided that a high quality out of home child care/Montessori school program might be best for their learning and socialization, though it would be more work for us and a nanny would offer more flexibility. Though with MIL here for a part of each year, it doesn't make a lot of sense to have her not be able to see them during the day, since that is a big part of the reason why she is here.  Being limited to Hindi/Marahti speaking nannies is just that, limiting, (even though where we live there are a disproportionately high number of Indians) and even though she is lovely and I would eliminate the communication issue, the dynamic of MIL and the nanny could potentially complicate matters, as thankful as we are to have her spend time with us. If we had a second guest room, I would have already just hired an au pair.

We've decided to make the move back to an HSA eligible health plan for next year.  We've had them in the past, through my job and then DH's, and they are awesome when you are young and/or healthy, but we've been on DH's PPO for the last few years due to their rich benefits and (now exhausted) IF coverage, our "issues" getting and staying pg, and since the twins had not yet been born when we had to choose last year.  I will never get over the irony of all the money we spent to get pregnant, but all the surgeries (including my emergency CS and cerc) and hospital stays (including four days in a sweet suite) cost us a few hundred dollars.

Between the premium savings, his employer HSA contribution, and what we usually put in an FSA (which is now limited) we will have funded the total family OOP max in our HSA account, though you are able to fund up to a total of $6450/yr pre-tax as a family in lieu of an FSA (unless you want to fund a vision/dental only FSA, like I did for my Lasik in '07 in preparation for babies).  What we don't use will roll over to meet the needs of future years, and can be invested in the hopes of earning more than a few percent.  All preventative care/immunizations/well child care is covered at 100% with no co-pay, so we'll actually save money vs/ this year for all of that.  HSAs are supposed to be about empowerment and accountability, but in reality they are sadly really about rewarding both healthy people and investment firms, cost shifting and tax shelters, but I digress.

When I go back to work, besides obviously child care, our financial goals remain:  finish paying off my car (if still outstanding), max out all: retirement savings (401K & IRA), HSA, child care accounts and 529 accounts, and save some more.

I am also gym shopping now that we are done pumping and the kids are bigger. I learned the childcare at the Y is closed in the afternoons, so that is out.  A new gym opening near us this spring has closed circuit TV so you can watch your kids on your machine while you are working out, which is perfect for the overprotective and paranoid, like me, though I don't want to wait that long to get busy.  Another new one has free childcare, but it seems like it isn't something that should be free, though I guess that is an incentive to go frequently.  My last gym was at my last job and before that I was at a very nice, yet very oversubscribed one nearby that I'd like to avoid if at all possible.
My focus for the new year is an attempt at balance. I'll need all the luck I can get.
Onward and Upward!  Happy 2013!!!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry merry merry

"Mari" "List"-mas!

Warm holiday wishes to you and yours.
xo,
Marielle & Alistair

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Autonomy

Though you certainly don't need to be a parent to understand the horror of what happened in Connecticut last week (and frankly as an infertile, I find the repeated illusion to this pretty offensive).  As I along with many other parents first impulse was to wish we could put our kids back in our wombs or at least locked in the house to protect them from violent evil in the world (which obviously is not a positive solution to a very sad and complicated problem), I was ironically simultaneously marking the end of our very long physical journey through getting my body ready to pregnant, trying to get pregnant, drugging up in hopes of getting pregnant, drugging up to stay pregnant, being confined to bed to stay pregnant, getting sliced open to give birth, and then nursing/pumping for the last twelve months while caring for two infants.  A good five plus years in all. 

And now I have complete personal physical autonomy, and it feels great, if almost completely foreign.  As I expected, my energy level rebounded almost immediately after I stopped pumping last week, thank goodness.  I ended up stopping a few days early as my transition down to one pump a day didn't last long as my supply dropped off the cliff.  I can only hope my cycles don't kick my ass when they eventually return.  My elder sister, the uber fertile with a nearly three decade history of gyne issues, opted to get a hysterectomy last week with her diastasis repair, as hers were so bad after her last pregnancy.

Even in the many months that I was getting full nights of sleep, the pumping was syphoning off every bit of extra energy that I had.  I was literally not able to eat or sleep enough to not feel like I was starving and exhausted all the time and I was eating a lot, all the time.  And while I know you can, and many do, drink while breastfeeding, I found that even a little wine would not only make me more tired, it would kill my supply, which was already an issue that we battled for so long.

Now I just need to set about getting back all the strength I lost from being on bed rest.  Honestly, going to the gym has been near the bottom of the list of my priorities.  I knew BFing and chasing after the kids this last year would make my 50 pound pregnancy weight gain evaporate, but I was often reminded of the fact that had I had the energy to devote to getting my strength back, it would have likely made my daily care taking responsibilities easier, or least less pain inducing.  I have been back to the chiropractor for awhile now, though I know that she can not fix what I need to do for myself.

Thankfully, there are many things I do well, but obviously the key elements of reproduction are not any of them.  How amazing is it that I/we live in a time when people with all my issues are able to become parents?  Truly amazing...

Saturday, December 22, 2012

12 month stats and Chicago at Christmas

The kids had their twelve month check up today, so we made the trip in to their pedi's new office, well the temporary one as his other floor is being built out.

Nice view, huh?
(minus the mediocre iphone pics)

Dr. Weissbluth (the Junior) just started his own practice and since we like him and we've been seeing him since the twins were in the hospital, we made the move with him.  I think he's a bit younger than us and single (how I have no idea) which he randomly mentioned today after asking us how we met.  Must think of someone to set him up with. 

He's gone all digital, so we no longer get the little slip with the kids' stats like at the old practice, which we didn't realize until after the appt., though we went through all of it together.  Their growth curves are very consistent, weights are still in the ~35th percentiles and heads in the 85th.  I think her height was about 65%.  He is crazy long, up to the 95%ile now, making me wonder if he'd be even taller had he not been so disadvantaged in utero, resulting in his disproportionately tiny size at birth.

Alistair:
12 months: 20 lbs. 10 ozs., 31"
Nine months: 19 lbs. 5 ozs., 29 1/2", head: 46.1 cm.
Six months: 16 lbs. 15.5 ozs, 27 3/4", head: 44.7 cm.
Four months: 14 lbs., 25", head: 42.2 cm.
Two months: 10 lbs. 2 ozs., 22 1/2", head: 39.5 cm
Three weeks: 6 lbs. 9 ozs.
Two weeks: 5 lbs. 15 ozs. (he surpasses her for the 1st time)
One week: 5 lbs. 6 ozs.
Four days/hospital release: 5 lbs. 2 ozs.
Birth @ 36w4d (breech/IUGR?): 5 lbs. 7 ozs. (5%), 18.25" (10%)

Marielle:
12 months: 18 lbs. 8 ozs., 29 1/2"
Nine months: 16 lbs. 11 ozs., 28", head: 44.9 cm.
Six months: 14 lbs. 10 ozs.,26 1/4", head: 43 cm.
Four months: 12 lbs. 7 ozs., 24 1/2", head: 41.2 cm.
Two months: 9 lbs. 9 ozs., 21 3/4", head: 38.7 cm.
Three weeks: 6 lbs. 7 ozs. (finally surpasses BW)
Two weeks: 5 lbs. 12 ozs.
One week: 5 lbs. 7 ozs.
Four days/hospital release: 5 lbs. 3 ozs. (unexplained 14% weight loss, day one)
Birth @ 36w4d: 6 lbs. 1 ozs., 19" (25%)

They did pretty well with their shots, thankfully, and we followed it up with a great lunch at Iberico (the best Tapas in the city), and a quick visit from Santa as we passed by The Peninsula to get mommy some of the best hot chocolate anywhere outside of France.

He gave them each Santa bears from his bag, which is funny because we got "paged" walking down Michigan Avenue last week, so they already had one Santa bear and one Peninsula Mini Cooper.
 
I have no idea why I posed in front of their foo dog.  I think foo dogs are super creepy, but they are an Asian chain, so I guess it makes sense they have them out front.
 
A little more Chicago for you...
A wreathed lion at the Art Institute
 
Love this city...

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The twins' first birthday

After a very sad week, we celebrated the twins' first birthday today.  I will never say enough how lucky we are to be their parents and that they are here with us and not in heaven with their sister.  Each and every moment and day is a gift.

It was a low key day for us, as we are bracing for what passes for a snow storm these days. 


The cupcakes were a big hit and a big mess, so after some baths we opened a few birthday gifts, which each year will get to be under the Christmas tree.  So much fun and they are pros already.


I figure it will take us several days of trying to get some good pics under the tree, so we've already begun.  The fun of getting past the barricade that usually surrounds it includes eating pine needles, moving the gifts to get to the trunk so you can get sap on your fingers and lick it off, and of course fun with ornaments.  Good times.


Sorting through all the pictures we've taken over the last year in preparation for their party reminds me just how far they have come.  They were so so small and so (dare I say) sickly looking for so long, but now he is huge and she just started cruising the furniture.  I wasn't sure we'd get here, but here we are.  We love you more and more every day.

 

Friday, December 7, 2012

Holiday Cards 2012

Since the twins (thankfully) didn't make their appearance until Christmas week last year, and I had no desire to send out pregnant pictures of myself, their birth announcements served as our slightly belated holiday greetings.

This year, we're a little behind, again.  We had our photo shoot in late October, but didn't get the CD until late November, and as our mailbox fills with cards from more organized people, I've only just gotten ours out of production.  I had been looking at the paisley beauties from Erin Condren, but then I thought I ought to spread the love around, since we used her bright confetti/jack design for their announcements, coordinating family cards and thank yous and the twins' first birthday party invites and thank yous.  I found some pretties on Shutterfly, designed by none other than local Chicago shop Float Paperie, and I think they look just great with our pics.







And on the back...





Monday, December 3, 2012

Babies!

They say that in America, our celebrities are our royalty, well I couldn't care less about celebrities. The palace has just confirmed that Kate is (finally) expecting! I can't even imagine this being my primary function in life and having so many people watching and waiting. It's already been almost two years (a new record for an heir apparently) since I and half the free world got up early to watch their wedding when I was on bedrest (the first time) just after our twins were transferred. We also just found out yesterday that DH's only brother and his new wife are also expecting their first child.

So excited for them!

I may be one of the only infertiles in the world who doesn't really sweat other people getting pg and having babies. I can honestly say that even as my elder sister was doing her Tori Spelling thing, four in five years including a whoops beginning after I got engaged, it didn't phase me, except that I worry for her children. We have very different life philosophies in general and she sees fit to try to rectify our crappy upbringing by living our parents' divergent dreams (mom: becoming an SLP and having four kids and staying home, and my dad: living on the land (at least 40 acres) with her own dose of crazy homeschooling and whatnot thrown in. A shrink for yourself is cheaper than messing up your kids. Anywho, I digress.

I'll admit it was really really tough for me were when I had three very close friends announce the arrival or pending in lousy ways while were in India for my FIL's funeral after our first IVF cycle got cancelled. Then I happened to have several friends who gave birth in the days after we lost our littlest girl two years ago and that shaded my ability to rejoice with them during that time (sorry ladies). Otherwise, IF is a long hard slog for so many and IMO made so much harder when we can't find a way to separate ourselves from what other people are doing. I guess I'm odd in that I don't spend a lot of time comparing my self to my peers. I have my own goals. I was mad I couldn't meet them and (enter cheeseball) "live the life I imagined". Theirs have little to do with mine. I like to think about it like waiting for DH to come into my life. I had to "kiss a lot of frogs", each of which taught me about myself and what I did and didn't want. I had SO many younger friends, cousins, and sisters get married before me (at nearly 30), some of them to the wrong guys, but despairing about that wouldn't have gotten me anywhere. It would however have made me miserable (a nice trait in a catch) and hurt our friendships, which I treasured.

I know it is so so hard to see the forest for the trees, but that is my infertility/life wisdom FWIW.

Speaking of trees, we ventured out in the super warm weather to get our Christmas tree over the weekend...


With no snow, which didn't allow us to use the twins' personal sleigh, we skipped the tree farm this year again and headed back to our local parish which sells really nice trees, so at least it is still going to a cause.  Last year, I picked our tree from them from the car.

The lovely gentlemen at the Knights of Columbus took several pictures of us with the tree after we picked it out, but of course for some reason there weren't actually pictures being taken. Boo hiss. Lesson learned.
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