Happy Year of the Horse

Well the lucky "Year of the Horse" is here and my kids are insane for horses, even more than the other animals they are crazy for (like rabbits, which the Chinese zodiac says they and DH all are), which is saying something.

Last July, we took the kids to Arlington Park for the first time (since I was pregnant, pre-bedrest) on the Fourth (w/my mom and sister), though we spent more time up close w/the horses pre-races then actually watching the races.

 

Waiting patiently, so that we can scream like banchees when we see them...

Later in July, we celebrated Family Day at Oakbrook Polo with my dad.  This was back when Alistair wasn't yet walking independently.  That was a long summer, but one I'd gladly consider taking back now.

 Checking out the Teslas on display (love), which have the fun rear facing third seat (apparently because the founder has twins AND triplets, all boys!)

 

Stomping divots

 With our hands and knees...

We don't live in horse country (or the country at all, for that matter), though we are somehow surrounded by it in close proximity.  Wayne and Barrington are known for their horse farms, though this isn't Kentucky or Wellington.

I rode a bit as a kid, my step-mom/sister had a horse and a pony and my sisters and I took lessons for awhile, but I never got back into it before the kids came like I meant to.  Now I'm looking forward to all of us getting into riding.  DH is also a bit ridiculously obsessed with horses.

Are you a horse person?  Or as they say "horsey"? ;)

Filling the horse quota this week

Mr. Independent

It's been quite the first month of preschool...  We've had two cold day (as in freezing) cancellations so far and last week Mari started the family on the cold (as in snot/sneeze) train.  No biggie, though I worried how Alistair would do on his own for four hours after only having been there three times before, but it was also a good test to see.  He's never been at home without at least one of the three of us there, not mention out of the house by himself.  But I guess since they are our children and Mari is Miss Independent I shouldn't have thought twice.  He did fabulous, my brave little man!

This is really something since, as DH so aptly puts it, he is a level three clinger.

It is a good sized class, about a dozen cutie two to three year olds, with three great teachers.  The teacher that I spoke with when I picked him up said that when they were playing with bikes (there is a huge separate indoor room for winter play) he looked around a little like he was looking for someone, but no tears.  Their first, and subsequent, drop offs have been uneventful, which was a welcome relief even though we knew they were ready to get out without us, and when we went to visit they took to the place like glue.  I'm so glad we found a place they (and I) really like, finally.

Now we are faced with what to do for fall.  I'm considering keeping them there or going to one closer to home.  And I'm thinking of going back to work, so I'm debating how many days they should go (and where) if we hire a nanny.  And of course, I've also got scenarios worked out for other changes that might be coming.  So complicated, if exciting.  Thankfully they don't have to worry about any of this stuff...  I'm looking at Montessori and Waldorf schools, does anyone have any experience with these?

On the bloggity blog note, we are now beginning year five.  As most people have probably noticed, it seems like I'm not the only one who has less time to blog now than ever.  Even "professional" bloggers, who make money off their blogs, are disappointing me lately, but don't get me started on them.  I follow friends, but generally am finding the whole genre less rewarding.  I try to keep up with updates on the kids because, while I obviously have all the pics on my computer, keeping track of all the little fun things they do are prone to get lost in the everyday craziness that is the life of a SAHM mom of twin toddlers.  How do you feel about blogging lately?  I feel like by killing Blog reader, Google put a stake in Blogger.  Maybe it's just me.  Pinterest, Instagram, etc. are just not the same.

25 months old

It's been a busy month since the kids' 2nd birthday, with Christmas, New Year's, starting school, restarting speech and their classes, converting to toddler beds, and generally trying to get through what is hopefully the worst of this already long winter.

The kids are worse than me when it comes to getting their picture taken.  They usually either run for the hills or act goofy.  Case in point, I have dozens of pics of them both with their entire hands in their mouths in front of the tree laughing, which I've never seen them do before.  What the heck? ;)

They love to play with my cameras and especially my phone (why is it that it takes pictures when it's locked?), taking selfies and other randoms, but they don't hold still when I try to get posed or even spontaneous pictures.  And it's not just because Mari got her first bad haircut.  Oh well, what are you going to do...

We had an especially pretty tree this year, which made me happy since it was the first one I looked at at the KOC, since we skipped the tree farm (again, for the third time) this year because of the cold.

The kids' first day of preschool was cancelled due to the extreme cold we had at the beginning of the month, but this is from their real first day (she somehow found a nuk just in time for pics, SMH...) 

 My chivalrous boy insisting on carrying both his and his sister's lunch bags.  Love them and they love school.

The kids are at the stage where she wants to do everything I am doing and he wants to do everything that she does (we're a great team at emptying the dishwasher), so taking them outside on a snowy day to play while I shoveled the walk results in all three of us shoveling.



Getting ready for Sochi, zoning out to PBS...

Back at class, thank goodness for indoor playgrounds





 One of Mari's more stylized pics, she's getting good... ;)

Tiger Mom strikes again

I just finished "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" (out in early 2011, now in paperback, and a quick and easy read), and I guess I can see why it was so controversial given traditional American parenting styles (which would peg her as crazy and verbally abusive), but it is a satirical memoir, not a parenting handbook.  People take memoirs so seriously.  She (author Amy Chua) has a new book coming out next month which is already making waves.

She and her husband  (fellow Yale law professor, Jed Rubenfeld) have coauthored a book called  "The Triple Package..." about the three traits that they've found (in their research and from other data) make for success.  The "controversial" part of this one is they've singled out particular ethnic/religious/immigrant groups in America who they've found tend to possess these traits, which conveniently they are both a part.  But "The Bell Curve" it does not seem to be, since they aren't talking about inherent ability differing by group necessarily, but rather traits potentially anyone could adopt, which is why I don't get the controversy.  Except that she has baggage from her last book (which was a bit braggadocios for me, but that's obviously just her personality).

The groups of American they single out are heavily immigrant (big surprise):  Indians (yay!), Iranians, Lebanese-Americans, Mormons, Jews, Cuban exiles, Nigerians, and Chinese-Americans.

 

The three traits they've identified are: superiority complex, insecurity, and impulse control.  

I'm not anything but an honorary member of any of these groups (euromutt/WASP right here), but given my journeys from early childhood with a Jewish step-mother (and hard driving dad to counter my prep mother), Indian immigrant husband (and ex-BF, among other good friends), a stereotypical second-gen Chinese college roommate, and other long term exes who were a Cuban exile and second-gen Lebanese-American, I probably know more than most of the other people commenting on a book that is yet to be released as to what goes into the theory.
 

I'm not sure what they cover in the book, but of those I know in these groups they have a long basically unquestioned cultural heritage of valuing education, excellence, family, discipline and hard work.  There is no coincidence that the two highest earning groups in the U.S. (Jews and Indians) are also those who have the highest educational attainment.  Several of these groups also have a cultural history of persecution, which can be a unique cultural drive (to overcome obstacles, be resilient, etc.) for generations.  Many of these groups are also very insular, as are many immigrant groups, which is not always a good trait, but if they are successful and then look to their own peers to socialize, marry and hire, it is a self perpetuating cycle, even given their small numbers.  The largest of these groups is only a few percent of the total population.

The ability to pair the thought that you can do anything, and well (superiority) paired which the feeling that you aren't ever quite good enough no matter how good you are (insecurity) and a unique (anti-modern American) ability to put off immediate gratification for the long term benefit (impulse control) is a powerful combination that can bring uncommon success.

As the blurb suggests, and as she did in Tiger Mom, they delve into the pros and cons of these traits.  The moral of Tiger Mom is you can have really successful kids if you are strict, but if it doesn't meld with your kid's personality, it can backfire.  She always gives the flip side of her mantra, a bit of an out.  This may be what makes her somewhat palatable, but people still criticize her like crazy.  But she's laughing all the way to the bank...  Looking forward to checking this one out...

What Drives Success? (NYT, 1//25/14)
The Problem with the Triple Package... (The Atlantic, 1/28/14)

A Peaceable Kingdom

As I've mentioned before, I try to keep my posts with tons of interior design pics pulled from magazines/the internet to a minimum.  I just don't find them very original.  The posts, not the pics.  I make exceptions for friends, people I've gone to school with, or otherwise find worthy of breaking my rule. 

Emilia Fanjul Pfeifler was a year ahead of me in college (her father is literally a sugar daddy, and an old friend of my ex's family), and her family's weekend home on Long Island has just been featured in Vogue, so I thought I'd share.  It would have been nice to see more of the inside, instead of just the descriptions in the article, but such is Vogue.  Enjoy...

"More Toys"

So the kids might be in shock from having a week go by when it is neither their birthday nor Christmas, as this is one of Mari's new favorite things to say...  I wish I could say I was just proud that she keeps putting new words together (that make sense).  It is cute to hear, until she keeps repeating it and you start to wonder...

Am I capable of raising a Veruca Salt?

Do you ever struggle with knowing how much is enough and when it is too much when it comes to your kids?  Not love or attention (obviously), but things, stuff...

I tend to just go with my gut and usually that means a bit less is more, but I know this will just become more challenging the older they get.  I grew up in a middle class family (as did DH), but we are better off (and have a smaller family) than our parents, and I do worry sometimes about the dreaded "affluenza".  I do think it is possible to teach your kids good values while not depriving them materially, but it is a delicate balance.  No one wants to be responsible for raising spoiled brats.

I know there are many who have more and less than we do as far as material tangible things for the kids, but I think as a conscious parent you can only wonder is it all too much or maybe just enough.  Much of what they have in the way of toys have actually been gifts from generous family, friends, colleagues (including what ended up being a haul from their first birthday party, yet another reason we don't need to do that every year).  I make an effort to not buy them things they don't really "need" and instead save more for their futures.  This makes me feel better.  It takes effort in our materialistic world to focus on what's most important (for us that's an emphasis on top notch health, education, experiences, etc.) and try to dial down some of the rest.

We are both looking forward to when they are a bit older and we can volunteer more as a family and teach them the value of giving back and about how so many people are less fortunate.  And that they have a responsibility to not only help others but to be humble in their good luck of being born into our family (as we are lucky to have them).  Hopefully, that will help...  The wild thing about parenting is you don't really know for sure if you've done well, until it is too late...

Teach Kids to be Grateful, Give them Less -from The Atlantic (1/6/14)

A New Big Year

Happy New Year! 

First of all, can I ask how the heck is it 2014?!  I've been out of college almost (ahem) 15 years, and HS nearly (cough) 20, and I can remember thinking about 2000 being so great, but honestly I don't think I thought much beyond that.  But here we are...

I'm really looking forward to this being a great year for us (no jinx, please).  The kids are doing well, and I know they are going to love preschool.  As you know, I hemmed and hawed on this forever (the when and where), but now that they are walking and talking, more independent, and craving more stimulation, and we found a school we like, they are starting next week.  At first, there was only room for them one day a week (it is four hours, from 9-1, which includes play, music, reading, and (a packed) snack and lunch), which I thought would be fine since the preschool that I'm looking at for fall is 2 days/9-11a (so also four hours total/wk).  But then space on the second day opened up and we decided to go for it. 

Eight whole hours a week to myself, can you even imagine?  I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it honestly.

Other things on our radar this year for the kids are things like: potty training (Mari's already talking about it and sitting and trying), moving to big kid beds (w/new décor), losing the binks (Mari is down to sleeping only, though she'd use it all the time, if we'd let her), and continuing speech therapy.  Between therapy, preschool, and continuing our music and toddler class, we'll have just one week day completely off of any scheduled activities.

Me and Mari (on the left) selling everyone on the music class, from the cover of the latest park district catalogue... (A is wandering off screen)

With some time to myself, and more importantly the kids out of the house, I have some work to do.  On me and on the house.  Things that have been put off for a long time.  I joined a great gym last summer, after the kids dropped their second nap, and thankfully they really like the awesome childcare center, but I haven't gotten really serious about getting my strength back.  Fortunately for me, weight is not an issue (I somehow have every problem with pregnancy that is unusual, and almost none of the ones that are normal), but I'm still not very strong.  I'm still figuring out what I want to do on the work front, but that's a whole other post.  Hopefully I'll be doing more reading, other things I enjoy, and generally be less pressed for time to get things done.

And the house, our house.  We just marked eight years here, and after all that we've done we haven't been doing much lately besides maintenance, it just isn't worth it when so much else is going on and us all at home most days.  This year, we got a new steam clothes dryer (LOVE) when our old/new since we moved in one died and are finally getting a new garage door/opener (as we were planning), as it also recently bit the dust (during the worst weather of the year, of course.  Well, in keeping with the theme of the season (the kids got a lot of food/kitchen/shopping stuff for Christmas and DH (the cook in our family) got some new small appliances (since all our Cuisinarts from our wedding have been nothing but a disappointment over time), we are FINALLY planning our new kitchen.

Our kitchen is unfortunately small (a walk-through galley with an open side), which I've recently taken to calling a "take out" kitchen, so while the style has been fine (and one of the things I didn't need to change as soon as we moved in), we need to maximize our usable space by having cabinets to the ceiling and adding a larger china/storage wall (where we currently have a freestanding china cabinet).  The cottage style will remain basically the same: white cabinets/appliances, grey counters, with a tile backsplash (though the tan, blue, white mosaic will likely be replaced by a new blue only).  I'm hoping/planning for a reno at this point to not be totally disruptive to our lives, as that is the only way it can happen. 

Other smaller projects, like painting the mud/laundry room, an accent wall in the LR (and maybe in A's room) and all of Mari's room are also on tap.  We are still working on making our home office as usable a space as possible.  It, like our guest room, has unfortunately become a drop space for things, since the basement is yet to be refinished since the flooding in 2011.  We also plan to do more work on our bathroom this year.

We managed to squeeze a lot of travel in this year, NYC/the Hamptons, Boston, and India, among smaller trips.  But next year will likely be more low key.  A summer beach trip (to the Cape/Islands) and teaching the kids to ski.  It would be great to make it out to see family in SoCal, but that may be a next year trip.

I hope 2014 is your best year yet!! :)