A tough day

My mom left for home early yesterday, as she is a full time caregiver to my ailing grandmother. I was feeling okay in the morning, so I took down the tree and all the Christmas decorations. When I put them up just over a month ago, I was newly pregnant and as happy as could be. Now the house is bare, with no remnant of any of those days. Needless to say, more than a few tears were shed.

Then I got another wave of intense but dull pain, so I spent the afternoon laying flat on my back (again) with the heat on high. I finally called the clinic and talked to them about how I should be feeling five days out. Unfortunately, there is no answer and there isn't much they can do for me unless I want to get a D&C, which seems pointless since all I'm shedding now is my remaining lining. My mom said she would come back if I had one, but I don't want to have surgery (if it's not necessary) without S here. My pain just seems disproportionate to the amt. of bleeding I am having at this point and it comes and goes, but I don't know how I'm supposed to be feeling.

I could hear back on the fetal testing as early as tomorrow and then go back on Thursday for follow-up tests. I've decided to work from home this week, I'm just not ready to go sit in the office.

After watching our neighbors across the street empty their home of their belongings over the last few days as I was hold up, I actually got to talk to them yesterday. On our street, where most everyone is friendly but people keep primarily to themselves, they were always the nicest. What I feared was true, they have declared bankruptcy and let their house go into foreclosure. Their kids are grown and they seemed resigned to moving to a smaller place.

Serenity Prayer

God, grant us the Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.